I have tried twice for a girls night out & failed miserably both times. Now in my defense - the first time I was recovering from wicked morphine withdrawals from being in the ER the previous day. I had no such excuse for Thursday night. There was no reason I shouldn't have had fun & 5 drinks in - I should have felt a lot more intoxicated than I was. It was so bad - I was accused of being a bump on a log. I might not have been if his wife hadn't shown up, but my homewrecking days have long since past though.
The thing is - I'm kind of shy which can usually be alleviated by a few drinks. Unfortunately drink #4 made me ninja puke & along with my mexican appetizers - my liquid courage when down the drain. My friend who with me was talking up a storm to anyone within ear shot. She was playing pool with the cute guy I was interested in as a segue way into me playing with him. She was having fun - me not so much.
I kind of have it set in my head that if a guy is interested in me - he will come up and talk to me. I'm no longer of an age where I feel comfortable throwing myself at a guy. (Too much watching Patti Stanger me thinks.) As obnoxious as I can be; I find myself more quiet and reserved in a setting where I am not comfortable. This does not bode well in a PACKED bar. I did get a peck on the cheek by the cutest 21 year old I have ever seen although he was coerced by his older brother into telling me I was adorable.
It is times like this that is it hard not to get down on myself. I am living the conundrum of I hate being alone & too scared to do anything about it. People like my friend or my room-mate who have vibrant personalities make me shrink back into my shell.
I need to figure this out or shut up. So I am putting out an APB. If you find my swagger - let me know ASAP or I may be forever doomed to have Lego Harry Potter be my main man.
a blog about being single in your 40's and navigating this whole new world!
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