Three Weeks In

I guess you could technically say that I have been taking my jiu jitsu class for a month, but I am not counting that first week.  I did learn some basics, but it was a good month before I made it back to attending classes regularly,

I had a melt down last week, but I was proud of myself for not actually crying until I made it to the car.  It was all over the warm ups.  Some days the warm ups are like a power yoga class and I am in awe of just how flexible these men are. I do as much as I can and try to modify the moves to my ability level (i.e. not getting pinched by my fat rolls as I'm twisting myself to the side.)  Then there are the days when they do drills.  Now I know I can't do a lot of them and normally it doesn't affect me, but Monday it did.  Snake moves - not problem.  Front snake move?  I couldn't even figure it out. Cat crawl?  I somehow lack the coordination to get timing right.  Same for the Spiderman crawl.  My army crawl was pathetic and by end I was almost in tears, but wasn't going to shed any on the mat.  It was a full class and I felt pathetic.

I had to work with my son't best friend's sister who was promoted to a yellow belt that night.  She is the most amazing girl in the world.  She is kind, encouraging and just has an overall amazing attitude.  In my self defeatest funk - I felt bad she had to work with me. She's 15 and taking the adult class so she can progress and she was stuck with the noob.  I always feel self conscious when I work with her for some reason though.  I shouldn't.  Like I said - she is an awesome young lady.  My instructor was trying to take pictures of me and it was pissing me off.  My form was off and I know I wasn't doing that particular thing he had me doing right.  He was telling me I was doing it well and I was mad at him for sugar coating it.  He totally believes in motivation by positive reinforcement, but if I am sucking fierce - I want to know.  When it was all said and done - I couldn't get to my car fast enough.  The tears streamed down my face hot and fast.  My worst fear was recognized - showing how bad I suck in front of others.

Tuesday I had a long talk with a friend who also takes the class.  He gave me words of encouragement.  I managed ti get my head back on straight,

Wednesday the instructor gave me another pep talk and reminded me that this isn't easy and there is so much to learn.  I am not in shape by any stretch of the imagination, but the fact that I am trying speaks volumes.  He said it was ok, that I can't remember what I was taught two days ago because we are more working on building my strength, my core and dropping weight right now.  He gently reminded me that it will all come, but it takes time.  Yes the black belts make it look easy.  They have been doing it for a long time and if they don't make it look easy - they are doing it wrong.

Wednesday was also an eye opener for me.  There is a 10 year old who also got promoted to a yellow belt that came in for the adult class.  He was hoping to work with my son's best friend's sister,  She wasn't at that class, so he was stuck working with me.  I am twice this kid's weight and I couldn't snake out of his guard (or get myself out of him blocking me with is legs) because he was that strong. During a different exercise where were were learning (well I was learning - he was a pro at it) the most basic sweep - he threw me over like a was rag doll.  It's all about leverage and positioning.  I give the kids in the kids class a lot of credit.  This isn't easy and they certainly show what can be done with hard work!

This Monday was much better for me.  Again the warm ups were the drills that I falter on, but I did them the best that I could.  I discovered that I am getting a lot faster at my snake move even though it still makes me dizzy/  I did what I could do, didn't attempt what I knew I couldn't (backward shoulder rolls) and tried to work on the drills that gave me fits.  There was one we did Saturday that I couldn't get the hang of very well and we had to do it again Monday.  It made more sense to me this thime and was told I was doing well by the black belt running the class.  This man has never said so much as hi to me in 6 months even though our kids take the same kids class.  I felt very triumphant because for the most part, I don't think anyone else pays attention to me because I'm still learning.  I'm far from being able to spar with these guys and I don't know enough actually do what they are learning in the class.  I did get to do modified versions of the techniques they were learning.

I have found now that I have gotten out of my head and learned to be happy with the fact I am trying - it's a very rewarding experience.  I am sore in new places every other day and I limp with pride because I know it means I am working a body part that was static.  I am noticing tone in my legs and biceps.  It is slowly coming together.

Now if I can just figure out how to get my gi, I am well on my way to my first stripe on my belt!

The Friend Zone

I am swimming in the murkiest waters I have ever dared tread.  I'm supposed to be a relationship expert of sorts, but I admit it; I am flummoxed.  I've been put in that place that may only be one step above purgatory, but equally as gut wrenching.  Yes, I'm in the Friends Zone.

This is uncharted territory.  I have been the placer - but never the placee.  I discussed this with the guy that I friend zoned and he said I was buried so deep in it that I may never see the light of day.  I secretly think he was laughing his ass off at me.

You see, I have this friend.  I am not sure why I was attracted to him - he isn't my type.  Like polar opposite.  Like he has never seen Star Wars all the way through, doesn't play a lot of video games, wears cowboy boots - you know -  not my type.  We had a flirt thing going on, but we never acted on it  One night a bunch of my friends and I went to a club and I got hammered.  I tried to be cute and flirty and he ignored me.  One of my friend's was feeling sick, so he said he would drive her home.  Being drunk, I was all huggy telling her good bye and the guy friend asked me "What about me?  What am I chopped liver?" Hurricane Kathy took over.  I blew up and yelled "I have been throwing myself at you all night and you have ignored my every move.  How do I make it more clear?  Do I grab your face and kiss you?  NO? Well then I guess I AM CHOPPED LIVER". I then proceeded storm off in the most dramatic fashion to go find my other friend.  She was of course nowhere to be found and I had to come back to the table.  He was LIVID and I didn't care.

It took quite a while for him to warm back up to me, but things mostly went back to normal. 

The flirty text ceased, but we established a friendship.

Recently we had a Buffalo Wild Wings open up near our work.  This was kind of a big deal because one thing Orange County lacks is a decent wings joint.  We were all going to go there to celebrate another friend's birthday, but decided we didn't have enough time.  I went into work on a Gman free Saturday and decided BWW was going to be my lunch so  I texted my objet d'affection that I was going there.  A half an hour later he calls and asks what time I was going.  We decided to meet at 12:30 for lunch.  Then the rest of my work day was shot.   He decided he needed sunglasses and asked if I wanted to go the mall.  He needed to make one stop first, and then we went back to his place to park my car.  Once the car situation was handled, we were off to the mall.  He got his sunglasses and I dragged him into an anime shop.  He was very out of his element as I brought him into mine.  Like I said, polar opposites.

It was then decided since we had nothing else going on, he needed a surround sound system for his tv.  This required a trip to the bank.  After the bank, he dragged me with him to  get his hair cut.  After the haircut we went and got his surround sound system and then went back to his place.  He put it together and then we watched a little Netflix. I sat on once side of the couch; him on the other.  After two episodes of Prison Break, I went home.  That's it.  Six hours together and nothing happened.  

NOTHING HAPPENED.  

No hand holding.  No arm stretches to put his arms around me. No makeout sessions.  I did get a hug good bye, but that was it.  I was given an open invitation to hang out whenever I wanted though.

Great.  Not only am I in the friends zone - I am also a Main Hang minus the sex.

Now if I were counseling anyone other than myself, I would refer them to the book He's Just Not that Into You.  Mainly the part where it states that if a guy is in to you - he will do anything to make being with you happen.  He will call you.  He will text you.  He will ask you out on a real date - not make you buy your own damn chicken wings.  When it comes to me though - well I tend to be blind and make excuses.  Ok - maybe he is just that dense and really doesn't know I like him.  I text him that he should realize just how awesome I really am and actually ask me out instead of all this open hang nonsense.  He never responded.  He will talk to me at work and he comes into my area all the time, but alas - no date requests.  

Some of my other friends suggested that I tear down his wall and beat him upside the head with the proverbial brick.  So this time I just spell it out.  "Look - I really like you.  I know we are polar opposites, but I think your order and structure would do me good.  I also know that you are in desperate need of a bit of my hot mess.  I don't think it would be as bad as you think it would.  We both know you aren't going to respond though - so I'm just going to ignore you." Again - no response.  My son said he was rude and that I shouldn't be his friend because we don't play with rude people.  (Logic as only an eight year old can give it).  I did ignore him as stated only responding to work related questions even having to remind him that I was ignoring him.  I did remind him though that the Fast and the Furious 7 was coming out in April so he better get back into my good graces before it comes out (It's the ONLY thing we have in common),  It was the only text he acknowledged.

That lasted a good week and a half. Somehow my spirit broke and I invited him to watch a UFC fight with me next weekend at a friend's house and he actually agreed. 

It's not a date though.

I'm in the Friend Zone.

Have you ever been friend zoned?  How did you deal with it?  Did you take it to the next level?