Let's Hear it For The Good Guys We Never Consider

Gwen Stefani said it best in Bathwater: Why do the good girls always want the bad boys? 

It is the age old question.  By a certain age - shouldn't we have gotten our hearts broken enough by the wrong type to know better?  Why do we fool ourselves into thinking we want/need/crave the stable and reliable man, but look the other way when he notices us?  We pine over the guy who doesn't call us.  Wonder why we weren't asked out for that second date.  We sleep with him too soon in hopes that the sex is enough to lure him back for more.  It isn't.  Then we sit in a funk and wonder where it is all going wrong as we soothe our wounded soul with chocolate fro yo with sprinkles.

In the meantime; we don't give a chance to Mr. Reliable.  There is always some flaw that repels us. He's too fat or too thin.  He isn't cute enough.  He isn't smart enough. He doesn't wear the right brands.  Damnit I am fabulous and gorgeous and I can do better!  In the end though - can you?  If you could - why haven't you?

Thus the perplexing conundrum I find myself in.  Coast Guard Guy is out of the picture.  I don't have time for hot guys who are only interested in the chase.  My Hot Housemate while seeming to be back on track from his trainwreck lifestyle isn't what I want.  Then there is Boot Camp Guy.  BCG isn't the guy you normally look twice at.  He is a year older than me.  His hair is thinning with a bald spot, he doesn't wear the name brand shoes and wears black socks when he works out. He's a nice guy though and probably in the best shape out of all of us in the group. I happened to find him on one the horrible dating site that I can't seem to quit because I'm an attention whore and sent him a teasing message.  This was of course after I texted my trainer about finding him there.  She  was all over it telling me I should go out with him because he's a REALLY NICE GUY.  There are those words again.  What I want, but won't give a chance to.

So we have been sending messages back and forth for about four days and it turns out we have a lot in common.  He is smart, has good grammar, plays PC video games and is an avid mountain bike rider.  I am all of the above except the mountain bike rider because while I have one - I am a sissy girl who doesn't ever go off the street unless I am cutting through grass.  He's quite interesting. We are basically two introverted geeks. I just have better hair.

 Then my blonde angel got involved in the conversation and she too decided that I should go out with him because he was smart and looked outdoorsy.  (She got this from stalking his facebook profile).  I sent him a message telling him our trainer was pulling for us to go out and he said he was totally oblivious to that fact.  Then he asked me out.  The part of me who was trying to be open minded and not a diva was thrilled.  The diva part of me questioned why would I even consider it - not so much. Nice guys bore me. I'm a drama mama - I don't know how to deal with status quo.

While we were doing out boot camp yesterday - I could barely acknowledge him because I didn't know how to act.  Nobody ever said social skills were my strong suit.  So when I got home, I messaged him back accepting his offer. I mean he has seen me balling my eyes out because I couldn't do side planks and felt extremely defeated.  He has seen me a hot, sweaty mess and making strained faces because the workout was insane.  That is technically seeing me at my worst only short of having the flu. Even if all it became was a friendship - he is a really good guy.  Who knows - it might be the kind of relationship where it grows on you and you don't realize how much it means until you are knee deep into it.

Who knows - stranger things have happened!

A little bit of Patti Stanger, a Whole Lot of Miss Cleo

If you are a regular reader - you know that when it comes to affairs of my own heart - I am pretty much clueless.  I mean it is called Being Single is the New Black for a reason.  It can be taken two ways.  Being single is as fab as my bed head on any given morning, or it can be as dark as my soul when I feel I have been scorned. I've been single for two years now and am probably ready for a real relationship - I just don't think a real relationship is ready for me. Coast Guard Guy is singular proof of that statement!

I get some interesting requests in the email box associated with the blog.  I get a lot of requests for book reviews which I would LOVE to do if I had the time.  I have been asked to link other's peoples pages to my site which I won't unless I LOVE their site and then I put it on the Fab Reads section.  Most recently though - I was told because of my blog;  I would be a good fit to give relationship advice at Wizpert.com.  Once I picked myself off the floor from laughing hysterically at the notion - I decided what the heck.  If you know me personally you  KNOW how much I love giving my opinion  and seriously -  what haven't I experienced in life?  I've been married and divorced.  I was a slut in my twenties and a prude in my forties.  I had a guy who came over to have sex fell asleep in my bed before anything happened and I have endured more horrible coffee interrogations than any one person should have to. I've been in love with my best friend, only to see him marry someone else and not be invited to the wedding and I've broken a few hearts myself.  I've been date raped and had a couple of threesomes - I've pretty much spanned the globe of experience.

So now not only am I the self proclaimed Queen of the Blogosphere - I am officially a Wizpert who specializes in Dating and Relationship advice. I even have a new badge for the blog to prove it! (I am a whore for blog badges!)  They do say - those who can't do - teach and I have more than proven I dating isn't my own forte!  So if you are DYING for my "expert" (yes I am STILL giggling maniacally over that) opinion on your dating or relationship woes - just click on my picture to your left (no your OTHER left) and if I am available - I will give it my best shot!  Who wouldn't want my own personal spin on their life?  I'm getting pretty good at it!

Damn You Greg Behrendt

If you have learned anything about me in the past year and a half - you know that I tend to obsess just a wee bit and perhaps maybe I don't know how to leave well enough alone.  Anything that is mature or grown up is a foreign concept to me, and I have no patience when I want something.  Sadly, I am wired like a guy despite the fabulous hair and great rack.  The concept of feminine tends to be lost on me.  I never remember to close my legs in a skirt or dress getting out of the car, I never remember to let the man get the door for me and I go after what I want instead of demurely waiting for it to come to me.  Patti Stanger describes it as "male energy".

This makes my thing with the new guy VERY hard on me.  I'm torn between over analyzing every detail on the inside, while playing it cool on the outside.  It took me a really long time to warm up to the idea of letting him in.  Something seemed off.  I couldn't put my finger on it, but he was persistent. Yet as soon as I threw in the towel, all the promises made in the art of woo went floating away with the ocean breeze.  So when he attempted to waltz back in a few weeks ago I told him as long as he was serious - it was game on, otherwise don't waste my time.  Not that I have anything else going on in the romance department - but HE doesn't need to know that.  The problem is that the feeling of something off is still haunting me.  He acts like he is into me, but can't really make time for me.  Once again - it's me suggesting times and more times than not he isn't available.  When we did have plans for a Saturday; he decided to help a friend with his house and cancelled on me when it got late.  There was no mention of helping this friend when we made the original plans.  He never calls - he only texts even though I told him he could now. (When this whole thing started last year - he wasn't allowed to call because I was always at the ex's house.)

Yesterday he told me via text that he was spacing out the times we see each other so there was no burnout factor. WTF?  In all my years of dating and casual sex - NEVER has the thought of something burning out ever crossed my mind when something was new.  Am I just being my usual over analytical self?  I questioned him on it and have yet to get a response which makes me even more suspicious.

I blame Greg Behrendt, co-author of He's Just Not That Into You. If you are single lady and have not read this book - YOU MUST.  It is written by a former player who used every trick in the book and basically breaks it down for you.  It also spawned a movie of the same name that might possibly be my fav chick flick despite me generally hating chick flicks.  The bottom line message from the book is that if a guy really likes you and is indeed into you - he will make it happen  Now I know there are exceptions - but the problem is - we as women tend to think we are the exception; when the actuality of it is - we are the rule. 

I brought it up to the ex who shoots straight and doesn't sugar coat anything.  He said it's one of two things.  He is dating someone else too and doesn't want me to know.  This is no big deal to me - I expect it.  It's still new and no commitments have been made.  The ex said that guys don't want to deal with the jealously drama, so it's just easier to make stuff up that sounds good.  He also said the flip side is that maybe it's true, but then do I really want to date someone who has to be apart from me to want to be with me?  In the end he said the same thing - if he REALLY wanted to be with me - he'd be making it happen instead of excuses as to why it is not.

So now I'm stuck wondering what do I do?  I mean it isn't like I have men busting down my door to date me.  Do I wait it out and see what happens?  Do I blow him off the next time (if there is a next time) he decides he can make time and tell him I have a date?  Come on - I'm almost 43 years old.  These games don't seem much different then when I was in my twenties.

So here is the reader participation time.  What do YOU think I should do because obviously I am clueless!

The Best 30 Days Evah!

Every month I tell myself "This is it girl, THIS is your month".  Then some sort of catastrophic failure rears it's head and makes a liar out of me.  I believe the problem was that I was swimming in a sea of negativity while trying to keep my head above water with positive arm floaties.  The smartest decision I ever made was to go onto the anti-depressant.  Now that I am about to start my third month on them - I have managed to cleanse those negative waters and swim freely in positivity.  This is a strange concept for me and even stranger to my friends who expect Hurricane Kathy and instead get Summer Breeze Kathy.  It's a beautiful thing.  May into June 1 was a great month for me.

I have learned that I cannot let toxic people into my life no matter how much I care about them.  I have a friend who I am just watching fall into a downward spiral and the thing is, I can't do anything for him.  I know from my own experiences that until you are ready to get help or do something about it - there is nothing to be done.  I used to gravitate to those types, thinking I could fix them.  If I could focus on how messed up their lives were, I wouldn't have to focus on how messed up mine was.  This time, I walked away.  I pushed his advances towards me away.  There was a time I really wanted to date him; but now I see the train wreck he is becoming and I don't need that.  I have finally emerged from my own trainwreck and left it there to smoulder on the tracks.

As previously written in I Just Hope I Keep the Donkey Booty, I have been going to gym rather religiously.  About five times a week to be exact (until I was sidelined by throwing my back out during a bootcamp workout - but even then I still managed to go four times).  I hired a personal trainer and the results are noticeable.  My legs look awesome.  When I look down, I see my toes and not my stomach.  My posture is straighter.  After 30 days of all that work - I had officially lost five and a half pounds.  That is right on track to where I am supposed to be.  Weekends I find are the hardest, because I have less structure and always find myself hungrier, but I am doing the best that I can.  Sadly, I have to break up with my trainer because I can no longer afford it because......

I FINALLY BOUGHT A CAR!!!! After 2 years of not having one, I bought one on the two year anniversary of being on my own.  It's an older model and the body has flaws, but it runs well and IT'S MINE.  No more standing at bus-stops with foul mouthed homeless people who are not trying to get on any buses.  No more getting up super early to make sure I am on the bus on time.  No more relying on the ex to borrow the van if he deems me worthy.  I have the freedom to go where I want and that too it a beautiful thing.

Lastly, the best thing that has happened in the past thirty days was meeting a truly amazing guy.  A guy who has goals, plans for his future and grounded in his here and now.  Someone who is interested in more than just sex and who actually gets my quirky sense of humor.  It has been so long since I have been anywhere close to being on the same page with a member of the opposite sex.  I want to say that this must be what a mature (read grownup - ack) relationship must be like.  It's still in the infancy stages though and we are taking it slow.  I am doing everything in my power NOT to freak out or obsess or any of those other things that the Kathy of old would do.  My redheaded devil is a little freaked out about just how calm I am being over this.  Nothing like the manicness I displayed over the hot room-mate.  There is no point to it.  It will play out the way it was meant to be and obsessing will do nothing to change the outcome.

I won't say June is going to be a great month, why jinx it?  I shall just continue to go with my flow.  As long as I stay positive, then positive things will come my way.  After all, as my new motto states "You just can't contain this type of FABULOSITY!"