The Beautiful Lollipop and the Woo Woo

It has been awhile since I've had a post from the front lines.  I recently declared to the world and more specifically to my friend Lisa - I AM READY TO DATE. Not that I want to date her - I just seem to run everything by her first.  I even broke the bottle on the ship  with the bad date I had a few weeks ago that I wrote about.  The problem is that I don't have a car. While in everyday life this isn't as problematic - it is when you are trying to achieve some semblance of a social life.  This is why I am on phase II of the online dating experiment.  This translates to a new dating site.  Not having an optimum way to get out & meet people - sadly it is my gateway to interaction & well it can make for good blog fodder.  For instance - there was a 27 year old who wanted to make me comfortable with my body and spoil me with goods for pleasing him in the sack. My first thought was it that it would make me a whore.  My second thought was - Damn I could have me a Sugar Baby!  I was told by one of my friends that I OWED it to my readers to pursue that one & that a romp with a youngin' might do me good.  I found it odd that he used the words passionate and erotic to describe what he wanted.  When I was 27, I don't ever recall a guy having an interest or even using those words. I probably would have but my personal life is a bit complicated & I am not always able to plan or commit to things. He has since lost interest.

The most interesting though thus far was the guy who dissed me today.  Probably because I was asking obtuse questions of him because something wasn't sitting right.  Red flags weren't flying, but a gut instinct was kicking in nonetheless.  I am not in pursuit of a purely sexual relationship.  While having my world rocked six sides of Sunday would probably do me more good than I am willing to admit - it isn't what I am looking for.  I guess I suspected that is what he was though.  The worst part is he felt the need to inform me that among all his star qualities he had a Beautiful Lollipop.  Excuse me?  Apparently this was his word for penis.  I'm a grown woman - I can say & type the word PENIS - not so much him.  For the record - I told him I had no patience for lollipops - I bite them 3 licks in & he could take that any way he wanted.  He also told me he would rather spend time with his daughter than chasing after Woo Woo.  Woo Woo as he put it - his word for vag.  He couldn't even say vagina. What the hell?  Seriously - did I digress to grade school?  Oh my god - can you imagine in a moment of passion having some guy command you to suck his beautiful lollipop or asking if your woo woo is wet?  It didn't break my heart when he got crude & I informed him that talk would lose me & he informed me - that was his intention.  Whatevs dude.  He was attractive enough but hot guys on the internet are a dime a dozen & quite frankly - my number count is high enough.  If I took every guy up on their offers of sex - I'd have Dr. J. numbers & probably a few treatable diseases.

So I remain steadfast in my search.  I suspect I will die old & alone as that crazy cat lady who yells at kids to stay off her lawn.  Until I find someone or am too decrepit to type - at least I will collect a few good story to share along the way and of course I will share them with you.  You can either relate or thank the deity of choice that this isn't your journey!

PS - I have also discovered that I tend to be too geeky for the mainstream dating site....I haven't gotten a single hit off the geek dating site.  Yes you may laugh - I am!

The Date

Yesterday was a milestone.  It was the first time in about 15 years I had been on a "date".  Seriously - the last date I can remember was with Mr. Nice Guy in 1997 who took me to Steak & Shake & then to see The Empire Strikes Back. That date didn't go so well either if I recall correctly - but that was more the issues I had with the guy as opposed to myself.  Now I was informed in this day and age - the social relevance of the word date might be a bit antiquated.  It was however; a brief meeting over a meal, in public between me and a member of the opposite sex that wasn't my 6 year old son.

It failed miserable, but I am proud to announce - I don't think it was my fault.

I spent 48 hours nervous as hell because, well I don't do well when presented in social situations that requires me to be me amongst strangers.  I was assured though that I would be fine.  I had texted with this guy for 2 days after chatting online for a few days before that.  We seemed to have a good rapport.  He didn't seem phased by the crazy situation that is the me, child, ex triangle.  It seemed like it could be a good fit.  He was just an over-all nice guy (as my friend put it - the kind we ran screaming from as fast as we could in our 20's).  When he proposed we bump our lunch meeting up to this week from next week - I agreed.  The day of, I got a nice pep talk from my man whore room-mate who knows how I am.  My co-workers gave me words of encouragement and come noon, down the elevators I went.

We met and decided to go to a place that validated his parking.  That was ok because he had offered to pay for the meal.  We ate outside and I won't lie - it was a LONG 40 minutes. The pauses were long and awkward - but you know what?  It wasn't my fault.  I did everything in my power to come out of my shell.  I was chatty and maybe I was too chatty - but they guy wasn't talking.  It was me, dead sober mind you that tried to keep the ball rolling.  All I got from him was a snarky remark about the blog (well booyah bitch - you got written about!), a question whether I liked Scrabble and a bit of an inquisition about my video gaming habits. He complained to the lady who cleared our table that the burger was too peppery.  It just wasn't a great "date" It ended abrupt at 12:40 when he announced "Well I need to go, I left early and have to get back."  Dude - you work less than 5 minutes from me - whatever.

I did sent him a text thanking him for lunch - it was the polite thing to do .  I got one back 45 minutes later telling me I was sweet but obviously there was no chemistry, but I was a good industry contact and we should keep in touch.  My 1st date & I get hit with the FRIENDS text?  Dude - you are balding and had really bad shoes on - no thank you.  Not that being bald was a big deal - but the picture I saw had him in a hat.  I feel he misrepresented himself.  Then again - I should know better not to fall for hat pictures - I mean why do you think Dwight Yokum & Tim McGraw don the headwear?  There isn't anything up there. Seriously though - the shoes you can help.  All I could think of when seeing the shoes was "yeah he's got to be a tighty whiteys guy.  I replied back that of course it was going to be an awkward first meeting because we weren't meeting in the organic way.  You know - maybe you are at a bar, the golf course, the grocery store - wherever you meet someone - you establish a face to face rapport & THEN decide to go out.  It the opposite with online dating.  I think it's preposterous to think that you are going to have a San Diego style 4th of July firework display (they went off all at once - a huge brilliant boom) on the first meeting.  Personally - I would have given it another go because I understand that concept.  He obviously didn't - so I promptly deleted him from my phone.

I was fine at the time, but as the night wore on, my fragile self esteem got the best of me because I did try very hard to carry the date.  I don't care so much that it didn't work out as much as I do of  his ultimate rejection of me, Obviously there was something about me that was a turnoff and of course nobody ever tells you WHY there is no chemistry.  Maybe it was the video games, maybe I was heavier than he imagined, maybe I am better in word format that in person.  I don't know.  I can't let myself fret over it though.  Yes, the broken toes has kept me from my running, walking & biking & I have put on a few extra pounds, yes I play video games and am proud that I have a level 50 barabarian on Hell level of Diablo III, yes I can wrap anyone around my finger in a text - I write - it's what I do.  That's all a part of me and that's who I am. 

Besides, the man whore room-mate told me I was awesome.  If a hottie like that thinks I am - well other than the fact I am not supposed to take stock in what others think about me bad or good - I must be!