Keep Calm and Grinch On

I told myself I wasn't going to write this.  I was going to be positive this year.  Apparently I lied to myself.  It's OK, Christmas is over and Santa is too tired to pay attention to his naughty and nice list..

There are the annual gripes like having to go out and find the tree, decorate it and even top it with a star with only the help of a 7 year old.  Ugh.  I hate the Christmas tree.  There were new ones like trying to get Gman ready for his first Christmas Eve Service at a new church and not having nice shoes for him.  Thank goodness it was a casual church and all the boys had on tennis shoes.  Then there are just the general I don't like Christmas humbugs

Moving back in with the ex was supposed to be saving me money, yet I am finding myself broke.  Totally broke.  Like I have only four cents in my checking account and nothing in my savings account broke.  If one of my attorneys hadn't so thoughtfully given us $15 Visa gift cards - I wouldn't have had enough money for gas to get to work.  It didn't help that 3 weeks ago I was out sick with a head cold that lead to two days without pay and then a bout of the flu that took me out for two more days without pay.  My contribution to my son's Christmas this year was ZERO.

My son is very pragmatic.  He isn't one of those kids who asks for everything and his Christmas's never resemble a pop up toy shop.  He only asked for four things this year.  An Xbox360 with Kinect because we finally have nobody living undeneath us. This wasn't happening because his dad wants a Playstation 4 after the holiday shopping madness dies down.  He wanted a kitten because we had to put our cat down last month.  This also wasn't happening because his dad wants to be pet free.  He asked for a flute.  A boy flute.  That was a maybe except I couldn't find one.  Lastly he wanted a science kit.  That should be easy right?  That was to be his Santa gift.  Except when the first chance you get to shop with someone else's money is Christmas Eve - you aren't going to find one - or anything else that I was able to drag out of him save for one movie.  I ended up getting him a Nerf gun that he apparently already had.  Nerf glow in the dark bullets that didn't even fit the gun I bought him, some PJ's that will only fit for this winter and the movie.  I had to write him a letter from Santa saying that his science kit must have fallen out of the sleigh and he would get one from him after the reindeer have rested.  I freaking had to give my child an IOU from Santa.  WORST MOM EVER.  Except he was so excited to have proof Santa was real and I was excited he didn't recognize my writing.

Thank goodness Grandma sent him a few presents so he actually had something to unwrap.  Thank goodness for KC for being my Christmas Angel and finding a science kit for him and a wizard's kit at that.  He is currently reading Harry Potter - so this was perfect.

Christmas breakfast was a failure because nobody wanted what we were having.  Christmas lunch was a failure because I was told it was under-cooked.   How do you undercook beanie weenies?  My grand dinner plan was shot when I was informed there wouldn't be enough time to cook it when we got back from KC's..  Thank you Von's for being open so that I could throw something together at the very last minute.  The ex got steak, the kid got chicken fingers and I got a mess to clean up - but we were all together.  

So even though I was in tears after the breakfast incident, even though the presents were sparse, even though most of the day was spent with the men folk playing their electronics - it ended on a good note.  The ex turned off the computer and helped Gman play wizard by making a test tube crystal ball.  They took a walk to 7-11 to get an orange soda and left me behind so I could have a precious few minutes to myself..  We ended the night by making funny videos on the Crazy Helium booth app on my ipad.  It ended with my son proclaiming that it was the best Christmas ever because he got his science kit, the movie he wanted and a lot of penguin stuff because penguins make everything better.

I still despise the holidays.  I still pretend I don't for the sake of Gman.  I just take comfort in knowing we have raised such an amazing child who can be so happy with so little.  Besides - I'll make it up on his birthday.  Video Game Truck anyone?

My Post of Thanks and the Chopped Reveal!

Finally.  I finally have everybody moved out of their respective places.  Now the unpacking begins.  You never really realize just how much stuff you have until you no longer have the places to hide stuff. With all the craziness of the move; I never got to write my day of thanks post that I do annually.  So less than a week late - here goes!

I am thankful that I am still alive.  Given that I halfheartedly tried to end it all earlier this year; I am thankful it failed.  I can reflect back and see just how much I have grown and despite the deep holes I fall into; there is always light above to lead me back.

I am thankful as always for my child.  Even though seven is the most exasperating age I have ever come up against, he is everything.  He has outgrown bedtime stories, lullabies & being tucked in (it's now called a blanket over).  He is opinionated, speaks far too maturely for his age and is a bundle of energy from the time he wakes up, to the time he proclaims it is bed time.  He is awesome and every struggle I have is eased by his hugs.

I am thankful for the separation from the ex.  It has allowed me to grow and become more confident in myself.  I am probably more dependent on him than I should be, but I am less dependent on him than I used to be.

I am thankful for Dr. B at Dover Shores Pet Clinic.  He is the most awesome and understanding vet in the world.  When I had to put my Simon down, he didn't make me feel guilty for it.  I wish he would have been there yesterday when I had to put my G kitty down.  The vet I had to go to made me feel horrible about it.  This another post for another time though.

I am thankful for the ex.  He has taken amazing care of my son during the separation and divorce. We seem to have reached a symbiosis of sorts. Sometimes we just work better together than apart  Time will tell if moving back in with him so that we could have such an amazing apartment was a good idea, but so far so good.  My son is the happiest though because now he has me all the time.

I am thankful for my friends both near and far. They remind me I am never alone.

I am thankful that I haven't found "love" yet.  As I stalk Bootcamp Guy's Facebook page, I realize that I am not ready for that kind of a grown up relationship.  Not sure if I could have easily picked a guy or my child as to whom I would spend the holidays with.  He's happy with his toe ring tramp and I am happy being mom again full time.

Now despite the above paragraph, I am thankful that I may actually have a date to my work Christmas party.  I am not holding my breath though.  Coast Guard Guy isn't exactly reliable despite his virtual pinky promise that he wouldn't flake again.

I am of course thankful for all my readers.  Without you, there would be no blog and I would just be writing to myself.  I supposed that is more sane than talking to myself, but I love being able to connect with people all around the world!

Lastly, I am thankful for the hair dresser who fixed my hair when I took the kitchen shears to my head.  I am a beauty school drop out, I KNOW better than to do these things, but I did it nonetheless.  The more I tried to fix it, the worse it got.

So here it is - the big reveal.  The hairdresser refused to do a pixie cut - so we compromised.  I look so adult now don't i?