Casual Dating 1.0

For some reason I cannot escape the attractive housemate. I seem to collect them like some people collect stamps, coins or Birkin bags (this is So Cal after all). When I moved into my current household, I thought I had escaped it for once. I had met two of the three men who lived there and there was no attraction whatsoever. It was a relief after a year and half of living with Man Whore and his entourage. When I finally met the third man, I stopped in my tracks. I immediately texted a friend "OMFG my last housemate is freaking HOT". The kind of hot that if I brought him to a work function - the catty office girls would be dying to know how I got him. I was never home enough to charm him though and in the past six months I've seen him minimally.

Well in recent weeks I have been spending a lot of time home. When I had my Geek Boy over, Hot Housemate (HH from here on out) knocked on my door asking if I needed the bathroom for any reason because he was overtaking it for awhile to shave his head. I thought nothing of it. After Geek Boy left, I ran into HH in the hall & made small talk about his shaved head and thus began the flirting (ok MAYBE I was rubbing his head while talking to him).  We exchanged numbers and decided we would hang out sometime. That seemed innocent enough; Man Whore I did it all the time.  He'd drink whatever he had on hand, I'd drink my wine and we'd watch the Lakers, Pawn Stars or just hang out and talk.

Within 5 minutes of the exchange he was wanting to come in my room and hang out and I shut him down.  I'm getting old because at that exact moment sleep > hot guy.  Yes my priorities can be skewered.

Fast forward to a week later. After much discussion with the Devil on shoulder, it was decided that I must go after him.  Even if it was in a clean the pipes capacity - my ego needed this.  I sent him a text apologizing for the week before if I had come off rude and suggested maybe we could hang out next week.  Again - I'm thinking something platonic; something let's get to know each other first.  I'm deeply engrossed in a Bethany Ever After marathon and he knocked on my door.  I let him in which was probably a mistake.  He came in, swept my covers aside, swept the hair off my neck (which I will never admit to anyone except all thirty of you who may read this - that was kind of a turn on) and lunged into me.  I froze.  Then I threw him out of my room.  I wasn't really prepared for that kind of bravado.  I spent the next few days afraid to go to the bathroom for fear of running into him.

Flash forward another week.  After more counseling with my Devil; I texted him asking him what his idea of hanging out was because he obviously wasn't on par with mine.  He apologized and told me we would just be friends.  A few days later I saw that he was overhauling his room and was sent into a panic.  It looked like he was moving out before I overcame my fear of the opposite sex.   I texted him to find out what was up and it turned out he was just spring cleaning. This lead to more flirting which lead to him offering to make me dinner the following week and we'd watch a movie.  Yes, I know exactly what Let's Watch a Movie is code for, but it was decided he was going to be my rebound and well I was getting a cooked meal out of it.  Besides, I have been in control this whole time and really nothing would happen that I didn't truly sanction.

Flash forward 4 days later.  We hung out and I helped him set up his laptop as I am woman of very many talents you know. We talked and got to know each other a little bit and I knew how the night was supposed to end.  Little did I know it would end up as what was detailed in my last post.  Oh did I forget to mention that the subject is literally six steps from my door?  Whoops my bad.  So it was then my turn to friend zone him. A few text messages the next day and I thought we were good.  The problem is, fully clothed he is a really nice guy and well this is shallow but also just disarmingly attractive.  It reminds me of this scene from Crazy Stupid Love (which is the only chick flick i will admit I like.)

So Friends Zone it is.  Saturday I had a rare day home.  I rented Argo and texted him to see if he wanted to see it, but he had to promise me he would be on good behavior and would stay clothed.  NO EXCEPTIONS.  He told me he had to work late and I told him too bad because I would probably half way to asleep when he got home.  Twenty minutes later he told me he was going to get off early and I jokingly told him to bring me dinner home because I was starving. An hour and a half later, I have this hot guy dressed in a white shirt and tie delivering me my favorite pizza and a two liter of Coke.  Pizza will ALWAYS win you points in my book.  We ate dinner, he took a shower and I frumped myself up with fleece pajama pants and an oversized t-shirt.  Then we watched the movie.  He curled me into his side, wrapped his arm around me and fell asleep for the first half and behaved completely the second half. There was some caressing of my hair and such, but nothing that crossed the line. When it was over - I told him it was bedtime and he gave me a small kiss goodnight, told me I was his favorite friend and left. FRIEND ZONE MISSION ACCOMPLISHED sort of.  I spent the next few hours tossing and turning because - well I really didn't want to kick him out.

The next day I texted him telling him that it if it weren't for the fact that I would have to change EVERYTHING about him sexually, I could totally buy into this.  That led to a discussion of what a selfish, vulgar jerk I thought he was in bed and was informed he isn't always that way and if I didn't like it - he'd change it for me.  What - a man actually saying he would change?  Could it be that the neanderthal from a few nights ago could actually be molded?  We kind of decided that neither of us are really in a place for a fully committed attachment.  I expressed what I wanted out of it, he expressed what he wanted out of and it was agreed we'd just see what happened.

So thus begins the chapter of casual dating with no current commitment,  Yes I know that I am probably playing with fire because I will probably fall for him but I am almost positive I will be able to pull the plug on it when it ceases to be fulfilling for me.  I know that things will be fine until he is actually dumb enough to bring someone home under the no commitment terms and I go internally psychotic.  Don't worry though.  He may be hot, but I still have an equally hot 15 years younger than him guy I have kept stewing on the back burner just waiting for his chance and nothing fights fire like fire!  But in all seriousness - I am curious to see where this goes.  I am taking a big step in my path of moving on. My good friend Tim put it this way  - "Sometimes we eat for sustenance and sometimes we eat for gluttony. Fruits and veggies are noble foods and are good for you while they take away hunger. Cheetos can do the same thing... Maybe he's just a Cheeto"  Time will tell if he is a Cheeto or bacon wrapped Filet Mignon.  If you will excuse me now I have to go hit the vending machine because I cannot stop thinking about Cheetos and dreading the run I have to do later to burn some of those calories!

Update 12:30 AM

And as quickly as it opened; so closes the chapter on Casual Dating.  I guess he isn't Cheetos or Filet Mignon.  The funny thing about a small house with thin walls is you can hear everything that goes on behind them.  I was blissfully ignorant and finally getting some sleep until he walked down the hall on the phone speaking rather loudly....to some woman from his past....begging her for a commitment...promising her the girl he had been texting over the weekend didn't mean anything which fully woke me up. The only thing I hate more than being disturbed while watching a movie - is being woken from a good sleep, so needless to say my mood was foul and a little dramatic. I pulled the plug. just like I promised I would when it wasn't fufilling.  It is fine, but I'm not going to be the be the one who fills in the space when whoever she is isn't around.  He wasn't my type and I was being swayed by my own shallowness and neediness into something that I knew I didn't want in hopes of it turning into something I did. I deserve better than that and am finally mature enough to realize it.  Just glad I found it out sooner than later. 

NEXT!

Forget About Yours, What About Mine?

When I was young, if you were a boy and you found your dad's stash of Playboy magazines - you thought you hit the jackpot.  Many a boy read National Geographic because in some cultures women don't wear tops and it free access to women's breasts without being scolded. In high school we played Sexual Trivia in basements at parties not really having any clue what we were talking about.  Most of us had barely gotten to third base.  There were a few that had sex, but even then it was about fumbling and learning as you go. 

Now we are in the age of Internet and the innocence of our youth is slowly dissipating into the porn culture.  We have all done it- tried to do an innocent search such as farm animals and accidentally came across something that made us proclaim "WOAH MAMA" as we turn the Ipad sideways to figure out how that is humanly possible while shielding the young ones eyes from such a spectacle.  We have to be mindful of what we let our children do online because even something as innocent as a music video has themes way too adult for my seven year old son to watch even if the song plays non-stop on the radio.

So now as the mother of a boy who will one day grow up and have his own sexual experiences - it is my duty when he is older to help him understand  that porn is just a grown up movie meant to solicit a feeling of arousal when watching it.  That it is pure entertainment and not meant to be used as a how to guide. That most women will never perform on par with or enjoy ninety percent of what goes on in porn. That when the female says NO, you stop. That even in a sexual capacity, their partner deserves respect. They deserve to be listened to and their requests understood. That there are repercussions that go further than just getting a girl pregnant such as why date rape is never ok.  Three families in Stuebenville, Ohio lives will never be the same because two boys lacked the common sense to respect a drunk girl who was really too incapacitated for her own good.  Our culture has become so sexualized that is seems at times what is right and wrong has become a blur. 

No matter how hard we try to protect them from it - they are going to find a way to circumvent out attempts and will hit their virtual jackpot.  They will pour over the Internet pages of women getting done six sides of Sunday, just like guys of my generation poured over the Playboy contraband they scored.  What is scary though is that kids these days are becoming insensitive to what the reality of sex is.  They will think that every woman is ready to go  at their disposal.  That she will enjoy being showered with a happy ending and enjoy the warm sticky secretion that he so proudly sprayed all over her.  That a woman will enjoy having every orifice stuffed, will beg for more and will have a rocking screaming, orgasm every 10 minutes.  They will think that women are objects for their pleasure and that sex in the pornos is how it is supposed to be.

Now don't get me wrong.  I have watched my fair share of porn and even have a specific genre that does it for me.  I am not  a total prude even if I am terrified of getting naked in front of a stranger.  I know the difference though between what is real and what someone is getting paid a lot of money to do on camera.  Having sex with someone who is smack dab in the middle of this porn culture is not enjoyable because they seem to forget the difference.  The man was so focused on what was going on with him - I swore there was a camera crew in the room I was missing.  He was talking crudely, making guttural noises and performing at a level that put my best faked orgasm to shame.  All I could think of was Shoshana on Girls "Get out of me now" and Natalia "I am not going to say that.  I can like your cock without being a dirty whore".  (side note Girls is one of the best shows out there - back to my rant now) He never realized that I was laying there like a dead starfish for twenty minutes while he was going through what seemed to be some tribal mating ritual.  By the time it was done - I was pretty sure with some investigation - I could have found that exact scenario online - minus her laying there cursing him mentally for not prematurely ejaculating. In porn, women never play the starfish card.  This was not a guy who was willing to fumble to figure it out what was working for me. It was someone who must have seen something somewhere, heard what he thought was good dialogue and hoped by the time he was done his invitation to the AVN awards would be in the mail.  He was so in tune to his porn culture that even when I slipped up and sent him a text meant for my best friend detailing just how bad it was - he still wanted to cook me dinner next week and try again.  In porn - there are no bad scripted experiences.  There is no friend zone. 

I don't live in that culture though and until he can get his mind back into reality and realize that his partner is more than just a vessel for his erection - we are not going back down that path.  Sure - he can cook me dinner next week.  Sure, we can Redbox a movie, but it is well documented that I don't like to be interrupted while watching one. I think this guy bit off more than he can chew with me.  I am too old to train a forty one year old boy to be a man.  I shall not be swayed by an extremely hot neanderthal who is a nice guy fully clothed. This might have been a step towards finding my long lost inner diva and I got a blog post out of it - so I guess I did get mine after all!

I Met Someone...

Oh dear - I really hope you didn't break open the boxed wine in celebration.  The title is a wee bit misleading. 

I mean I did meet someone.  I went to great lengths to make that happen.  A long while back I had signed up at a geek dating site.  It seems I am too out there or the mainstream ones - so I thought I would try one a little closer to my personality.  There was a guy who winked at me, but never said anything to me and I decided if he wasn't going to say anything - I wasn't going to act on it.  Flash forward to a few weeks later.  I found a dating site specifically geared towards people who play the same video game I do. I signed up there too thinking that if I can't make a connection there - I really need to hang it up.  I mean - I think I'm pretty hot for a geek.  Lo and behold - I found the same guy there.  I decided to take a closer look and found it said that we live in the same city, he WASN'T in his twenties and we had an insane amount of things in common.  He was kind of cute too so I decided I needed to talk to this guy.  So I sent him a message.  His inbox was full.  I went back to the original geek site.  His account had been deleted.  I had been thwarted.  Of course I had no way to contact a very great match.  This the luck of me. 

So I thought about it for a few days and realized he had his email address listed on the gaming site.  Now I have done some stupid things in my day, but pushing the boundaries of cyberstalking is not one of them.  Well it wasn't until Tuesday at least.  I decided I would email his personal email address after all.  Best case scenario - he responds.  Worst - he doesn't.  I made a brief introduction referencing the the geek site and gave him my Facebook link to prove I wasn't a porn spammer.    Twenty minutes later I had a friends request from him and thus began the chat.  Lots of things were discussed and I made sure to establish that this wasn't sexual in nature.  He told me that he would actually like a girlfriend, so he was ok with the fact this wasn't about casual sex.  This guy seemed to me like and that he could be boyfriend potential - not just a pipe cleaning potential as it were.

Two days of nonstop chatting led to the request of a gaming date for Friday night.  He'd pick me up with my laptop, we'd watch a movie, play some World of Warcraft and just hang out.  This didn't seem like a bad night to me since I would've been sitting home playing anyways.  In fact it seemed like a pretty damn fun night to me. He had wanted to me to spend the night only under the pretext of if he was drinking - he wouldn't want to drive me home.  This didn't sit well, but I wasn't ready to address it quite yet.  That evening he texted me and said he in in the area and how about he stopped by for a meet and greet?  That would take the awkward edge of the following evening. I was already in my going for a run gear and warned him I really didn't have time to cute myself up but sure - come on over.  So there I was in my ponytail, leggings, tank top and jog bra letting some guy I am trying to impress come over.  Obviously I hadn't really thought this through, but there was nothing I could do because he was less than five minutes away.  Mad dash to make the bed, shove everything I could in the closet, hide the sex toys (ok - not really on that last part) and the next thing I know - I am coaching him as to where my house on the corner of the main street is and arguing what constitutes two blocks. 

He was tall - I came up to the top of his ribcage at best.  He was cute and was dressed in a casual style.  Basic jacket, Vans, t-shirt and jeans.  I had There is Something About Mary on in the background because well I am pretty sure the Vanderpump Rules Reunion Special that I was watching would have sent him running for the hills.  I of course was my stupidly shy self, but not as much as usual.  He rambled a lot and  I was content to listen because that meant I didn't have to talk about myself.  Except for the fact he was a smoker which is usually kills it on the spot - I thought he was pretty cool.  It is very rare for me to meet someone who not only plays the two main games I do, but also likes the same anime, loves Star Wars and just shared my overall geekiness too.  I was willing to overlook the smoking part because I had just found my near perfect match.  We hung out for about an hour and he decided to take off.  He didn't try to kiss me or do anything inappropriate.  We hugged goodbye and he reminded me to make sure I had my power cord for my laptop.  Nothing kills a great gaming episode like a dead battery.

I texted him later that night, but he didn't respond.  I let it go and fell asleep to the repeat of the Vanderpump Rules Reunion (I don't think I am ever going to get to see it in it's entirety).  At 1:15 am I get a Facebook message from his saying "Sex Tomorrow?"  Now I leave my phone on at night because I don't live with my son.  Not that I think that anything is going to happen to him, I just prefer to have it on just in case. I am accustomed to certain emails coming in around midnight and have trained myself to not notice those. So I really didn't appreciate being woken up at with such a ridiculous question when sex wasn't even on the table to start with.  I gave him grief over it in the morning and he said he was only kidding.  There would be no sex.  I then told him that I still really wanted to hang out that night - I just didn't want to spend the night.  He doesn't live exactly close and even under the context of a platonic couch surf - I wasn't comfortable with the idea of it.  He said he understood and maybe another time.  I suggested since he was going to pick me up anyways - why not just bring the movie and we could watch it at my place?  I never heard from him again.  I suspect he didn't want to come back to my place because of the housemates even though we all keep to ourselves.  What I don't know is why he refuses to talk to me - but hasn't unfriended me on Facebook.  I didn't cancel on him, tried to make other arrangements to counteract the spend the night factor - but he won't respond to anything I send him.

So yes - I DID meet someone.  Someone who I ACTUALLY wanted to see again and really get to know.  I guess it wasn't in the cards.  So I need to leave well enough alone (yes I know I don't know how to do that - thanks for reminding me) and let it go.  Whatever his reasonings were - they are his and his alone.  If he wants to watch Dragon Ball Z alone - that's his prerogative.  He may be hard pressed to find another female in his age range in Orange County who shares his love for the show besides me - but I think that is just the bitterness of rejection rearing it's ugly head.  He even told me he has a hard time finding women who even accept his lifestyle gaming choices - much less participate in them.   The ex asked if I was really moping over the fact I didn't get a 37 year old WoW player.  I told him it was more that I COULDN'T even get the 37 year old WoW player.  Seriously.  If I cannot seal the deal on someone who shares my geek passion - then I really need to consider taking a serious hiatus. Maybe it is truly time to bring on the moratorium.

In Like a Lion!

Any time that KC and I go out - it is usually going to be an interesting evening.  For example - the Saturday night we took Yuma, AZ by storm.  I know we were the only blondes in the bar & quite possibley the city save for the college girls that were in town for the softball tournament we were there for.  We usually go out on Saturday and those are the evening she gets all the attention.  KC is the friendly type.  She loves to dance and is always smiling when she does. Guys usually take this as an invitation to stalk her the rest of the evening and she is the type that is too polite to tell them to go away.  In an unusual shift of things - we went out in a Friday night this time and boy howdy was it a totally different experience!

I should have known what kind of night it was going to be when I went to the restroom for the first time that evening.  I encountered a very drunk girl sobbing because she was a leap year baby (Born February 29) so March 1st was technically the day it should be celebrated, but nobody in her family had even wished her a happy birthday.  So another lady took pity on her, and from the straps of her thong, produced a mini bottle of alcohol and gave it to her to shoot.  It really isn't every day you get shots from some stranger's panties.  After a few more minutes of going on and on, the lady pulls out another bottle from the other side of her undies and now this girl is wasted and crying about how she is spending her evening all alone.  Apparently she was so drunk she forgot that she had a hot boyfriend floating around in the bar.  I really felt sorry for the mess he was going to have on his hands a few hours later when the vomiting would inevitably kick in.

Next order of business.  I get a message from 30 year old asking me if I am into Mother/Son sexual roleplaying.  WTF?  I don't have to roleplay being a mom - I am one.  I don't need a man with mama issues when I already have boy who is 6.

The evening is progressing and the alcohol is being consumed.  We get up to dance and a small group takes over our table.  I go back over to take it back and they ask if we don't mind sharing the table.  Yeah sure, no problem. I take my sip and go back to the dance floor.  Now my feet are getting tired in my 4" wedge sandals, so KC and I head back to our table.  The couple has asked their friends to leave the table because they need some privacy to work out their issue. So now we are stuck listening to this couple break up and the girl is crying.  It's a bit uncomfortable, so in my drunken bravado - I approach their cute friends and invite them back to the table on the basis that they did overtake OUR table and they had to be more amusing than the breakup.  I was informed that they would only come back if I bought them a drink?  EXCUSE ME?  Shouldn't they be buying US drinks.  I told them nevermind - I'd rather point and laugh at his brother who was trying desperately to salvage what was left of the breakup.  The guy grabs her purse, strings it over his neck and they FINALLY leave to go finish hashing it out by the pool tables.  We couldn't have been more relieved.

Time for more dancing.  This time a guy with a deep v-neck t-shirt on with an insane amount of black curly chest hair protruding from it tries to dance up on me.  Now I am vehemently opposed to vneck t-shirts.  The guys in Orange County who usually try to rock them also have on skinny jeans and look like total douche bags.  Sad but true. It was 80 degrees the entire day, the bar is hot and he is also wearing a black leather jacket - not even a biker style which added to his over all douchey appearance.  I tried to avoid him, he tried to kiss me.  I covered my lips and pushed him away.  KC is losing her mind at this point.  "Really - a cute guy is all over you and you push him away?  SERIOUSLY?"  Yes seriously.  Dude wasn't my type at all.  A short time later, we head back to the dance floor and KC said something to him about me and I apologized saying "I'm sorry - you just aren't my type."  He responded "You aren't mine either"  I said "Well then there is no more need to waste each others time".  Then Douchey V-Neck boy caused a scene.  "I'm NOT trying to get into your pants for god sake.  I am trying to treat you with respect because you are a human being.  Obviously you are a bitch and don't deserve respect.  I hope the next guy you meet treats you like the bitch you are and deserve to be treated like.  BITCH!"  Just wow.  I got read the riot act by Douchey V-Neck boy and I bet he wonders why he is single?

So now we have been out for about three hours and KC is revelling in the fact that tonight is finally my night for the weird occurrences.  My two attempts to talk to guys ended up in the before mentioned guy telling me to buy HIM a drink and getting boob blocked by a chick claiming to be a jealous girlfriend who came out of nowhere and seemed to have no issue when any other girl came up to talk to that guy,  Then I was verbally assaulted.  Definitely an interesting night for sure. 

We look up and see a hipster bowl cut guy.  Finally there is someone in that whole blasted Bro bar that quite possibley might be my type.  He says something to us and walked off. KC sees my eyes light up and we go on a hunt to find him, but he is nowhere to be found.  We go see if we can stir up any trouble on the patio - there is none to be had.  We go back to our table and there he was.  Across the bar.  KC drags me over to talk to him, but I chicken out.  I mean I really wasn't ready for strike three at bat when it came to talking to guys.  He had a really hot chick next to him and tried in vain to get KC to abort the mission, but she refused.  So I had no choice to ask him what his name was so we could stop calling him bowl cut boy and how old he was.  His name was Alberto which really just rolls off the tongue if you say it right.  Then he told me his age.  Anyone care to guess?  DING DING DING - you got it - in his twenties.  Twenty nine to be exact.  I can't escape these youngsters.  KC leaves us to go dance to Thrift Shopping which she HATES and I am suddenly left to talk to him and really have no clue what to say.  So we discuss how uber bad we are at this whole meeting people thing,  He mentioned something about wanting to call me, but didn't have my number.  I told him he hadn't asked for it and made some off hand comment "like here's my number, call me maybe?" and at that exact second - that song came on.  That totally caught me off guard.  I gave him my number, teased him about having my name TOTALLY wrong and then he said he wanted to kiss me & did!  It was almost chaste.  Very short, minimal tongue and then he tried everything in his power to come home with me.  Well I don't really do that anymore, so I shot that down.  In the end - we all went home alone, but I had 3 texts waiting for me before I even had my front door open.  Will I go out with him? Maybe.  He would actually have to suggest something that didn't include hanging out at my house watching TV,

So all in all - it was a pretty great night.  Then again any night that ends kissing someone 12 years younger than you is a pretty good night in my opinion!  It was the first night in a very long time that I really enjoyed the fact that I was single.  For the record - this was the first guy in the fifteen years I have lived in California that has hit on me in a bar.  This is a BIG deal to me. And hey - if the hot mess leap year baby has a boyfriend that cute - there is certainly hope for me too!