Ring On - Hands Off

When I decided that I would move back in with the ex on a purely platonic level; I decided to forget about dating.  It was too hard to try to explain my situation to future suitors and I have an eight year old who is very possessive of my time.  So I quit.  Sadly with that I also let myself go.  I sealed my heart up, buried all feelings all feelings for the opposite sex down deep.  Very very deep.  So deep that I almost had myself fooled that my heart was a block of ice.

Then it happened.  I switched jobs and met "him".  The "one".  The perfect match. He hails from the state above mine.  He excels in his profession.  He has a dry sense of humor.  He's playfully evil.  He plays video games.  He is a total geek.  He's almost perfect.

Almost.

He also belongs to someone else with those five little words - "TIL DEATH DO US PART".

Boom.

That was the door slamming in my face.

Now mind you there is NOTHING I plan to do about this.  I have had my homewrecker moment.  I was so selfish with my own wants believing everything this older man fed me.  He had my worship and ultimately led me to bed. (Our cover was almost blown when we had to drive back to the club the station was holding a Halloween party at because I forgot my keys)  Never once did I think about the wife.  All I knew was that I was getting attention and a lot of free CD's and concert tickets.  What can I say - I had a thing for DJ's back then.  It is not a mistake I will make again.

It just sucks.  Once he asked me to go to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter with him as we lambasted the fact that it is only in Orlando.  He wasn't serious, but that was the most swoon worthy thing I had ever heard. It's like inviting a card shark to Vegas. The other day we were throwing Harry Potter curses at each other.  (I shouldn't be writing this - he used the killing curse on me twice!).  He's shared food truck pizza in his office with me while trying to break down The Walking Dead to Me.  All this is fun and flattering, but at the end of the day - he goes home to someone else.'

WHY WHY WHY?  This is so UNFAIR.  It is hard enough to find a man that truly gets me and shares my same interests.  It's like the gods of love are toying with me.  They are dangling the elusive carrot in front of me, but I am not going to take the bait. I'm going to use a stronger padlock on my heart and then throw away the key.  Then I am going to bury it so deep that it will never see the light of day again and when it does - it will be a fossil.  Generations will study it and say "wow - so this is what unrequited looks like."

Or I could just quit being so dramatic and just take it for what it is.  An amusing passage of time at work.  Surely there is another guy similar out there ear marked for me...right?

Where Do We Draw the Line?

Recently I stirred up quite a controversy for myself on Facebook.  It had my parenting skills called into question and led me to ask when do you respect your kid's opinions?

Let me give you some back story.  Last December after many months of asking me questions about God I just couldn't answer; my child decided he wanted to start going to church.  I discussed it with his father and he was OK with it as long as we didn't go the Catholic route.  There is so much corruption in the world that we both figured a little spiritual grounding and moral structure couldn't hurt him.  So I found us a church.  The director of Children's Ministries was amazing and patient with me.  She answered all my numerous questions and made our transition into the church a very smooth one.  For the most part we were very happy there.  Gman would invite friends to go with us and we even managed to bring a close family friend in to worship with us.  I would say we only had about 4 months invested in the church though because we easily missed at least four Sundays.

In that time Gman flourished under the guidance of the Children's Director. In typical Gman fashion he spouted bible learnings that seemed far more advanced than a small child should understand.  I fully credit her for seeing that he had to desire to learn and she let him absorb the teachings like a sponge. He loved this teacher and told me more than once he didn't like the classes the other teachers taught when she wasn't there.

Over the weekend she sent us an email letting us know that she had been relieved of her position at the church (Yes she knows I am writing about this & No, she doesn't mind because everybody knows) and wouldn't be back. When I broke the news to Gman, he had more than a few choice words about the church which he was immediately corrected on.  He then told me he didn't want to go back.  He thought it wasn't fair and took a hard stand.

When I posted that trying to find a new church was exhausting - all hell broke loose.  One friend said that I should be mom and not let my child dictate what we were and were not going to do.  I made the mistake of saying that I usually don't. Another very good friend called me out on it and it pissed me off,  Who wants their parenting criticized for the whole 105 friends of mine to see? 

I know exactly what incident she was speaking and she was right. (yes I just admitted I was wrong) . I do let my child make decisions that influence the family. Maybe the one she had in mind wasn't one of the better times, but for the most part our family can be a democracy.  We are interested in what our child has to say and why he feels the way he feels. We want him to know his opinion is important.  We may not always agree, but we will always listen  He doesn't run the total household though.  When he says he doesn't want to go to school he is told 1) suck it up you are going, or 2) you must be sick so if you stay home - you are bed bound all day.  Needless to say he goes to school unless he is sick.  When he doesn't want to go to jiu jitsu, I also tell him to suck it up or I tell him that's fine, but if he skips that particular day - he can just be content knowing it's his last month taking it.  I won't spend $100 a month I don't really have just so he can be lazy.  

When he didn't want to go back to the church was one of those times that I listened.  He thought it was unfair she was fired.  At the time we didn't know why.  I do know now and I totally agree with him. It wasn't fair  I explained the repercussions of not going back such as no more church parties, won't see his friends on Sunday etc.  He said he didn't care.  He would see most of his friends at school or at the park and he would make new ones.  He was adamant that if his teacher wasn't coming back - neither was he.

This is where my parenting came under fire.  Some camps said I MUST make him go back,  I am simply teaching him that he will always get his way and that will lead to trouble when he gets older.  Some camps agreed with me not sending him back.  His teacher it was mature that he was following his spiritual radar and I should be proud of his relationship with God.  The non-spiritual agreed that it is important to take his feelings into consideration.

The bottom line is this.  He wasn't going to church for me; I was going for him.  This was a journey he wanted to take.  We weren't members of the church yet and hadn't invested THAT much time.  I think it was pretty mature for an 8 year old to understand he would be giving up a lot of fun to stand up for what he felt was a wrong doing.  As I am learning - not many adults in the church are taking said stand against her dismissal.

Am I going to let him switch churches every quarter?  No, but at the same time;  in this instance - I am not going to force him to go back to this one because he had a very good reason.  If that makes me a bad parent - then I will wear that badge with pride.  Sometimes I think there is a lot to be learned if we actually stopped and listened to our kids.  We raised them to be a lot smarter than we give them credit for!