What a World We Live In,

I have a 1st grader.  I didn't discuss the Sandy Hook shootings with my son this weekend.  His is six and a half, he is innocent and sometimes ignorance is truly bliss.  Truthfully he didn't ask me anything about it and quite frankly I didn't want to discuss it with him.  The last thing I need or want is to have him afraid to go to school over a "what if". And he would.  He is sensitive like that.  He is at that age where he knows enough about death that he always asks what happens to me if you or daddy die?  He wants to know when he is going to die.  All he really knows about it is that his great grandma, his great grandpa and his cat are in heaven with Michael Jackson. (His words --  not mine).  It was hard enough having to explain why when he is playing outside,  he can't go past where I can no longer see him in  the window.  I had to tell him about Samantha Runnion in the most delicate terms possible.  I had to let him know that not everybody is as nice as he is is or we think they should be.

I admit is was a little hard to drop him off at school this morning, but I did because our lives go on.  And now we deal with the knee jerk reaction going around the country.  The biggest thing I hear is "We need better gun control."  Well it is my understanding that the guns belonged to the shooters mother.  So it isn't really a matter of a gun got sold to a minor, or a mentally unstable person or a criminal.  It belonged to a kindergarten teacher who up until Friday everyone was OK that she owned one.  Do we now restrict all parents from owning guns on the off chance their child may use it to harm others?  Did you know that the same day this tragedy happened; one also happened in China?  22 children were slashed before school along with an elderly woman.  China has strict gun control laws, so knives are the weapon of choice.  We can mandate the strictest gun control laws out there, but as long as there are people out there hell bent to hurt someone - they will find a way.

The way this country deals with mental illness and other disabilities is unreal.My best friend's son has Aspergers and I watch her battle her school district and his school because they can't seem to follow is IEP.  This story broke my heart: I am Adam Lanza's mother.  I personally  have first hand experience trying to navigate mental instability with the state.  I was uninsured and depressed.  My marriage at that point was irreparable.  I was working but wasn't making great money.  My world had hit that spin where I had to let go because there was nothing left to grasp and my head was gone.  I made an appointment at the county agency  and left because I couldn't afford to be seen.  I was called back and numbers were reworked so I could be seen.  When I finally was - I was basically told that unless I was homeless and preaching to nobody in particular on street corners - they wouldn't help me.  They gave me a list of numbers to call - none of whom were affordable except one.  He was a Vietnamese doctor who was not licensed a psychologist or psychiatrist; he saw everybody for every ailment  He gave me something to help with anxiety and allergies.  It didn't help because I didn't have anxiety.  A few weeks later after a brutal fight with the ex - I popped the entire bottle of Atarax and went for a walk. I went to the ER, but changed my mind and walked home.  30 minutes later I was being carted by ambulance to the same ER I had walked to and found myself on suicide watch with an armed guard at my door.  The social worker decided to side with the ex's version of events (patients rights my ass) and found myself strapped to a gurney at 2 am and transported the overnight psych facility.  The doctor there saw that I was harmless and told me I could go home in the morning.  I was also told I was guaranteed an appointment at the same state agency who refused me earlier because I had made an actual attempt on my life.  You know what the agency told me?  We don't have to see you - you weren't actually committed.  10 grand later - I was still depressed, no help and no longer allowed to purchase a gun because I was initially put on 5150. 

I am not trying to minimize the tragedy that occurred in Connecticut.  I think it is  a horrible and tragic loss.  I was devastated for all the families involved.  I was initially angered, but I didn't have all the facts.  I really don't think gun control is the issue here.  It's just easier for the lemmings to band together on a broad issue than to tackle the real issues behind the person holding the gun, who pulled the trigger, that released the bullet, that took an innocent life so therefore ipso de facto nobody should own guns.  Now the LAPD is going to have an officer visit every elementary school and middle school every day.  If this was such an issue - why weren't they there everyday BEFORE this travesty happened?  My son's school had a meeting to placate the parents letting them know what they would do in the same situation.  I didn't attend. Like most CA schools, his is gated and locked.  It's only unlocked before and after school.  It will be interesting to see if they are locked after school today. We as a society are going to be willing to give up many freedoms so that another tragedy won't occur, but there is always going to be someone who will beat the system.  Someone who gets around it and something bad happens anyways. 

I can't lock my son up to never see the light of day again because a sex offender might live down the street, because we have homeless man who pushes carts in our neighborhood because he got kicked out of the garage next to our building, or because something, somewhere may happen and it may or may not directly affect him.  I can't shelter him from everything,  Does it scare the shit out of me to think that he may not be safe at school?  Hell yes it does, but he may not be safe anywhere though. I could get carjacked at the corner as we are on our way to  drop him off to school.  Probably won't happen - but it could.  Instead of instilling the fear of what it- we are going to live in the right now. I won't forget what happened and I will keep my eyes open a little broader to the surroundings - but I am going to let him be a kid.  If he asks me about it - we'll tackle it.  Until then, I will say a prayer for him when he goes to bed and for all the families of this tragedy too.  I think that's my point.  We shouldn't forget what happened, but I don't think we should knee jerk react- but sadly it's what we do.