I'm glad the Mayans Got it Wrong!

Well according to the Mayans it's supposed to be the end of the world, but  I am still here. None the worse for wear except I think I am catching a cold.  Nothing like being sick for Christmas, but at least I have 4 days to recover.  With a little over a week until the new year and the non-realistic possibility of Armageddon, it got me thinking. This is not usually a good thing, but for once - it isn't a bad thing.

This year, I am not writing resolutions.  They are usually just a list of things I will fail to accomplish anyways.  For instance, I would LOVE to be running, but while my foot is finally healed from the toes breaks, it DOES not like the hard impact of the run.  So I couldn't resolve that.  I could resolve to just exercise more in general, but quite frankly if I get those rare nights at home - I'm hard pressed to leave my bed.  You will find me decked in fleece pajamas and in a Bravo or Netflix coma.  Thank goodness my tv & PS3 both have a sleep timer because I always fall asleep midway through anything I am watching.  I could resolve to find love, but that isn't something you find.  It finds you and the harder you look, the more elusive it seems. Besides - love is the last thing I need complicating my life at the moment. 

Instead I am going to just go with my flow.  I am trying very hard to revamp my style from frumpy mom of a boy who lives in jeans and a hooded sweatjacket to more demure and feminine.  I lost that girly girl vibe somewhere and never recovered her.  My last few years in Ohio, I owned 1 pair of jeans. My entire wardrobe consisted of short skirts, dresses, Mary Janes and 1 pair of Airwalk skate shoes.  Now I am 20 years older and would look ridiculous trying to even maintain that look, but I am still not really sure about this whole grownup look either. I replaced my hoodie with a peacoat style jacket.  I tend to wear my knee high boots a lot and I am addicted to my scarves. I won't lie though.  I was given a Converse.com e gift certificate and hell yes I designed a pair of black Chucks with pink accents/  I am however FINALLY becoming comfortable in my own skin.  I am accepting of the fact that this weight isn't coming off quickly or anytime soon.  Someone will have to accept me flab and all or they aren't going to be worth my time.  I am really hoping that the men in Colorado aren't as concerned with the whole Barbie with a Passport philosophy.  I am in an OK place with the ex. 

I am going to try to maintain my more positive outlook.  This is hard for me because I am a "yes the glass is empty and why the hell can't you get off your ass and refill it - why do you want me to do it" type.  I have made huge strides in that this year and hope to continue on that path.  I think the biggest thing that I did accomplish was finally, really really donkey banishing Fred from my life.  He was really drunk one day and finally professed everything I had ever wanted to hear.  He loved me, he always has and will never love anybody ever the way he loved me.  Then he shut me out completely.  I reached out to him when I was low because the divorce was final.  He ignored me.  I reached out to him when I was published on Midlifebloggers.com which was a HUGE high for me.  He ignored me.  I in turn sent him a kiss off text message telling him when I'm famous, he'll cry himself to sleep over losing my love TWICE and too bad.  Then I deleted his phone number from both my phones and the facebook post where he gave it to me that I always fell back on every time I swore him off in the past.  I honestly have no way of reaching him anymore and I am ok with that.  I should have stuck to it every other time I swore him off, but the heart is stupid and never listens to the brain!

Life is good as the year ends.  I can't tell you when I have ever been able to say that. So bring on 2013.  I embrace it.  I look forward to my move out of state.  I look forward to the adventures it brings.  I look forward to what the new year being single brings me both good and bad.