My Day of Thanks 2012

Today has been particularly troubling.  I have been fighting with the Ex since 6:30 this morning.  That would be two hours of text fighting and a drained cell phone because I forgot to charge it last night.  I have just been banned from Thanksgiving dinner because someone is a megalomaniac control freak who I would love nothing more than to tell the fuck the hell off at times but won't because he has my son.  Yes we do have it on paper that we have joint custody except I live in a place where I can't have Gman over on a regular basis and boy does that get thrown in my face every chance his dad gets. So while I am free on paper - I am still just a freak on my ex's leash.

So, I am banned from Thanksgiving, I have no family in CA and not really speaking to the family I do have in Ohio.  My only real CA friends will be out of town and it isn't like I can afford a trip to Ohio to see my friends back home.  I am trying REALLY hard to come up with a reason to write a happy and I'm so lucky Thanksgiving post.  Despite my usual doom and gloom attitude though; since my divorce - I am trying really hard to wear my happy hat and stay positive.

So here is my Day of Thanks post 2012 edition

I am thankful for my son.  At times I hate that I brought him into such a f'd up  family situation, but the world is brighter place with him in it.  He is my light, my love and my joy.  Without him - I would find it very hard to even find the strength to get up and fight my way through a day that I had no interest of even being a part of.  His hugs nourish my soul and his kisses warm my heart.  Gman is my everything.

I am thankful for my friends both near and far. While I don't always reach out to them - I know that they are both here for me if I need them.

I am thankful for my job.  I have been with the same company for a year and four months and have managed to keep it.  I am thankful for a steady paycheck.

I am thankful for the basics.  Everything I need is in walking distance (including a dive bar that I may desperately need to get drunk at tonight if my day keeps going the way it is).  There are lots of things I don't have and could bemoan.  I don't have my own place, I can't afford to take care of my son like I should.  I don't have a car. The list can go on and on and on.  But I woke up this morning and there are families sobbing because  their loved one didn't.  I ate breakfast and could complain about how fat I feel and there are many who won't eat at all today.  Whether I am on my ex's couch or my own room, I am protected from the elements with a pillow for my head and warm blankets. Many people will sleep in the cold without even a jacket.  I can ride my bike to get from place to place, I can wear expensive running shoes and run (sometimes) or walk where I want, but there are many who will never walk again.

So yeah, I could have it a better.  We all could.  I don't know a single person who can say "wow things are PERFECT - I wouldn't change a thing!" I could have it a LOT worse though and even though at times it feels like I can only get worse - I am thankful for everything I do have.  To quote Sheryl Crow - It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you've got and I do have a lot so I am the luckiest woman alive and I am Thankful.