I have a guy friend that I recently reconnected with. I've known him since I was 19 and lost track of him around 23. Turns out he lives 45 minutes away from without traffic or 2 hours away if you can't read your google printed directions, don't know your phone has voice guided GPS and get lost in downtown LA. (The ONE time I'm accidentally in the Fashion District and of course I"M BROKE). My friend is amazeballs. The kind of amazeballs that you want to lick chocolate syrup off of him in hopes that you can lick off some of his amazeballness and you too will be a little amazeballs. OK - MAYBE I'm the only one who want to lick syrup off his head - but it doesn't negate just how incredibly awesome this guy is. He also sadly (for me) has an amazing girlfriend. I met her briefly, but the way his whole face lit up when she walked in the room told me all I needed to know. She too is probably pretty amazeballs.
So I asked him how he met this lady and he told me he went to his least compatible match on a dating site and chatted her up. Almost 2 years later - they are still together and obviously happy. So I thought to myself (yes I know how dangerous a prospect that is) that what could it hurt? I mean I am finally over stupid Boot Camp Guy & his Toe Ring Tramp whom he is taking to England to meet mum (no really - I'm over it) I went online, scrolled down to the bottom of my prospects & there he was. 34% match 47% friend 57% enemy or close to it. He was cute, but I didn't send him a message because my phone glitched. Apparently my phone knew something I didn't.
He messaged me later and we got to talking. He was very intelligent, liked that I was geeky and we decided we should meet over the weekend. I thought my amazeball friend was really onto something.
I talked to this guy on the phone Saturday and he bored me to tears. He was really soft spoken and the connection wasn't there, or maybe I just had the sinus headache from hell. Either way. I made an excuse to get off the phone and somehow ended up over at the ex's. I mean it was Saturday night & there was raiding to do in WoW. I texted the guy back saying maybe we could hang out later in the week. (Yes I do know that wasn't going to happen - but it might have.) That is when he got weird.
He told me that he thought we were going to hang out THAT night and I told him that I was sorry, but my child was sick. He asked if I had him at my place and I told him no, I was at his place. Dude went cray cray. Suddenly I was dishonest, I lied in my profile. why did I get divorced if I still live there and on and on. He told me it was a deal breaker. I told him it is what it is. That sent him off on another tangent about how incoherent it was that sentence was. I told him I obviously wasn't the droid he was looking for and good luck. He THEN proceeded to tell me he wasn't looking for a droid and what did that mean? SERIOUSLY? You don't even get one of the most famous movie references in the history of the world? I will die a single lady and never have sex again before I will date a guy who doesn't know that line from STAR WARS. Geek girl - kind of mandatory my mate knows this. I told him I was going to sleep and good night.
3 more crazy texts before I even put the phone down. I woke up the following day and told him last night was a deal breaker and good luck. OH MAH GAH, you would have thought I killed his puppy and left the carcass on his door mat. Dude went off. Called me a bitch and self serving. Well yeah, but he hadn't really gotten to know me well enough to make the assumption. I told him he was psycho and to stop texting me. It took 21 more psycho texts from him before he stopped. I stopped responding after the 2nd one.
I think it is safe to say that I dodged a bullet on that one. It's been a long time since I had a psycho stalker. I think the last one was 1997 where this guy would follow me around the club, write me poetry and stare at me as I drunkly made out with my man candy of the moment. I could understand if the guy had actually met me. I mean, this kind of fabulosity could drive anyone crazy (hey - a girl can dream can't she?). I have yet to relay this to my dear friend Saucywritergirl because I know the lecture that would have follow from her brilliant yet over active imagination.
So I lived to write another blog post and when I finish Freaks & Geeks on Netflix - I'll get myself back out there. I promise!
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