Miss Movin' On

Sure, I wrote a nice shiny post about how the rest of you should deal with breakups;  but we all know I never follow my own advice.  Nor do I find myself following anyone else's advice.  I did take a nap, a bath, binged on chocolate fro yo & gained back 4 pounds (well that isn't SOLELY from the fro yo).   I just can't move past it.  

I tried in vain to get him back, but it was fruitless because he was seeing somebody else.  Yes, I know there was no exclusivity, but it would have been nice to know.  He told me it had never come up.  Well I seem to recall me saying "I'm not seeing anybody else, and as far as I know - you haven't put yourself in a position where you are seeing anybody else, so if you don't know what you want - then where does that leave us?"  OK, in his defense that probably wasn't the best time to drop that particular bomb.

You know what it is...it IS my ego being sorely bruised. Not that I couldn't get him back, but I feel like everything he said was false.  "I don't know what I want, I don't want a relationship,  I need to take this slow."  Well it sure seemed like he knew what he wanted with the other chick.  Hell, she spent the weekend with him and I'm pretty sure he didn't sleep on his ever so comfortable couch. If I got 3 hours with him on any given occasion - it was an accomplishment and every evening ended with me leaving.   I feel like I was the rebound.  That every baby step he took with me just empowered him for her.  That's what hurts. 

Then the self doubting sirens start singing their song.  Why WASN'T I good enough?   What did she have that I didn't?  When am I ever going to be the one that is worth it?  Well those are easy questions.  I wasn't the one for him.  She probably doesn't have kids and doesn't live near by which makes a true relationship easy to not have to deal with.  When I realize that I AM worth it and if they can't see it, then I shouldn't waste my time crying and binging because it's done.

For the first time since last week I have finally put mascara on because I know the tears have finally dried. So I don't need to text him anymore.  I don't need to psycho stalk his house.  I know when he is usually at the gym and can avoid him, but it sucks.  I feel like I should have listened to myself when I said he wasn't my type.  I shouldn't have listened when I was told by everyone except the redheaded devil to go out with him. Other than a few blog posts, I don't feel like I got a lot out of it except heartbreak, confusion and a crappy birthday week.  I must remind myself of my motto - Any experience - good or bad was worth it if you learned something from it.