If you have learned anything about me in the past year and a half - you know that I tend to obsess just a wee bit and perhaps maybe I don't know how to leave well enough alone. Anything that is mature or grown up is a foreign concept to me, and I have no patience when I want something. Sadly, I am wired like a guy despite the fabulous hair and great rack. The concept of feminine tends to be lost on me. I never remember to close my legs in a skirt or dress getting out of the car, I never remember to let the man get the door for me and I go after what I want instead of demurely waiting for it to come to me. Patti Stanger describes it as "male energy".
This makes my thing with the new guy VERY hard on me. I'm torn between over analyzing every detail on the inside, while playing it cool on the outside. It took me a really long time to warm up to the idea of letting him in. Something seemed off. I couldn't put my finger on it, but he was persistent. Yet as soon as I threw in the towel, all the promises made in the art of woo went floating away with the ocean breeze. So when he attempted to waltz back in a few weeks ago I told him as long as he was serious - it was game on, otherwise don't waste my time. Not that I have anything else going on in the romance department - but HE doesn't need to know that. The problem is that the feeling of something off is still haunting me. He acts like he is into me, but can't really make time for me. Once again - it's me suggesting times and more times than not he isn't available. When we did have plans for a Saturday; he decided to help a friend with his house and cancelled on me when it got late. There was no mention of helping this friend when we made the original plans. He never calls - he only texts even though I told him he could now. (When this whole thing started last year - he wasn't allowed to call because I was always at the ex's house.)
Yesterday he told me via text that he was spacing out the times we see each other so there was no burnout factor. WTF? In all my years of dating and casual sex - NEVER has the thought of something burning out ever crossed my mind when something was new. Am I just being my usual over analytical self? I questioned him on it and have yet to get a response which makes me even more suspicious.
I blame Greg Behrendt, co-author of He's Just Not That Into You. If you are single lady and have not read this book - YOU MUST. It is written by a former player who used every trick in the book and basically breaks it down for you. It also spawned a movie of the same name that might possibly be my fav chick flick despite me generally hating chick flicks. The bottom line message from the book is that if a guy really likes you and is indeed into you - he will make it happen Now I know there are exceptions - but the problem is - we as women tend to think we are the exception; when the actuality of it is - we are the rule.
I brought it up to the ex who shoots straight and doesn't sugar coat anything. He said it's one of two things. He is dating someone else too and doesn't want me to know. This is no big deal to me - I expect it. It's still new and no commitments have been made. The ex said that guys don't want to deal with the jealously drama, so it's just easier to make stuff up that sounds good. He also said the flip side is that maybe it's true, but then do I really want to date someone who has to be apart from me to want to be with me? In the end he said the same thing - if he REALLY wanted to be with me - he'd be making it happen instead of excuses as to why it is not.
So now I'm stuck wondering what do I do? I mean it isn't like I have men busting down my door to date me. Do I wait it out and see what happens? Do I blow him off the next time (if there is a next time) he decides he can make time and tell him I have a date? Come on - I'm almost 43 years old. These games don't seem much different then when I was in my twenties.
So here is the reader participation time. What do YOU think I should do because obviously I am clueless!
I think you should keep your options open but don't shut him completely off yet. Make yourself unavailable and maybe he will make the time for you. If he doesn't you are fabulous and will be no worse off than you were a couple months ago right? Plus you are on your way to having that rocking bod and we all know that your outlook and mood has been going in the right direction. Love you for putting yourself out there! BTW I have a situation just like this. Ignored him for about a week and didn't respond to texts...I got that phone call and it was nice and long. We are going out this coming weekend because he felt so bad that he hasn't been able to spend as much time with me as he should. Hard to get? No not really, but he doesn't need to know that!
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