I was trapped on the toilet. Even though we are divorced - the rules of privacy in his household don't really seem to apply. So while I was trying to do my business - the ex barges in and starts discussing a picture I had shown him three days ago. "I think what is most disturbing is really how she was dressed. I mean she is really attractive and I know you say she is in really good shape, but why then does she look like she just stepped out of the Goodwill bargain bin?" "I mean look at you. It has taken some time, but you have finally figured out how to put yourself together. Long gone are those hideous orange shorts and look your cell phone cover even matches your top". Then I uttered five words I could never take back. I wanted to run to a church and clean myself in holy water. I wanted to shower in the hottest water and scrub those words away. I wanted to be anywhere except there with my shorts at my ankles and an ex husband blocking the door.
"That's because I grew up."
Oh my gawd. Did those words REALLY just come out of my mouth? I mentally recoiled and plugged my ears with my fingers and started chanting LALALALALALA. The ex then responded with "You do realize you are la la laaing yourself right?" It was a harsh reality check but perhaps there was a speck of truth to it. Just a speck mind you.
I mean let's really take a good look at this. I am forty two years old. I have been published on two Midlife blogging Site seen here and here. I was asked to join the WHOA Network today. I have an almost seven year old son who ages me daily. I have more grey hair then I really want to talk about, but it is covered nicely with the buttery shades of blonde I keep it. Heck, I am even wearing a polka dotted dress and pearls today. All these signs point to GROWN UP.
Then I look to my left and see the Chocolate Fudge Pop Tart that I was going to allow to be my indulgence today before I found out I was getting pizza for lunch. I pay $15.00 a month to play World of Warcraft and lament that my very first character STILL hasn't level capped yet. Even though it is used more now for Netflix, I do have a PS3 and for quite awhile Harry Potter was my digital boyfriend. My son's birthday party is being held at a trampoline park this year because it was amazeball fun for me and when he suggested he have it a bounce house facility - his dad and I both shot that immediately. He wouldn't have let us play in the bounce houses - at seven - that's really embarrassing for you. I still paint my nails very immature colors (iridescent grey anyone?). How can I possibly think I am grown up?
The truth of the matter is I guess I am an immature adult and I am OK with that. It is probably a very good reason as to why I am still single, but most things your average adult does doesn't interest me. Sure I think I would love to go to wine tastings, spend a weekend in the desert with a bunch of friends or chair the PTA - but none of that is me. Underneath the well coiffed hair, the put together outfits and the mostly well pedicured toes (this is So Cal after all and a bad pedi is one of the seven deadly sins) I am still just the shy dork who would rather be holed up in her room avoiding society and playing my video games.
So I guess growing up inevitable. It happens to the best of us. It isn't the worst thing in the world right? Maybe? Yeah I am not buying that either. Excuse me now, I am going to warm up that pop tart. If I go for my run - I can burn it off later!
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