When I was young, if you were a boy and you found your dad's stash of Playboy magazines - you thought you hit the jackpot. Many a boy read National Geographic because in some cultures women don't wear tops and it free access to women's breasts without being scolded. In high school we played Sexual Trivia in basements at parties not really having any clue what we were talking about. Most of us had barely gotten to third base. There were a few that had sex, but even then it was about fumbling and learning as you go.
Now we are in the age of Internet and the innocence of our youth is slowly dissipating into the porn culture. We have all done it- tried to do an innocent search such as farm animals and accidentally came across something that made us proclaim "WOAH MAMA" as we turn the Ipad sideways to figure out how that is humanly possible while shielding the young ones eyes from such a spectacle. We have to be mindful of what we let our children do online because even something as innocent as a music video has themes way too adult for my seven year old son to watch even if the song plays non-stop on the radio.
So now as the mother of a boy who will one day grow up and have his own sexual experiences - it is my duty when he is older to help him understand that porn is just a grown up movie meant to solicit a feeling of arousal when watching it. That it is pure entertainment and not meant to be used as a how to guide. That most women will never perform on par with or enjoy ninety percent of what goes on in porn. That when the female says NO, you stop. That even in a sexual capacity, their partner deserves respect. They deserve to be listened to and their requests understood. That there are repercussions that go further than just getting a girl pregnant such as why date rape is never ok. Three families in Stuebenville, Ohio lives will never be the same because two boys lacked the common sense to respect a drunk girl who was really too incapacitated for her own good. Our culture has become so sexualized that is seems at times what is right and wrong has become a blur.
No matter how hard we try to protect them from it - they are going to find a way to circumvent out attempts and will hit their virtual jackpot. They will pour over the Internet pages of women getting done six sides of Sunday, just like guys of my generation poured over the Playboy contraband they scored. What is scary though is that kids these days are becoming insensitive to what the reality of sex is. They will think that every woman is ready to go at their disposal. That she will enjoy being showered with a happy ending and enjoy the warm sticky secretion that he so proudly sprayed all over her. That a woman will enjoy having every orifice stuffed, will beg for more and will have a rocking screaming, orgasm every 10 minutes. They will think that women are objects for their pleasure and that sex in the pornos is how it is supposed to be.
Now don't get me wrong. I have watched my fair share of porn and even have a specific genre that does it for me. I am not a total prude even if I am terrified of getting naked in front of a stranger. I know the difference though between what is real and what someone is getting paid a lot of money to do on camera. Having sex with someone who is smack dab in the middle of this porn culture is not enjoyable because they seem to forget the difference. The man was so focused on what was going on with him - I swore there was a camera crew in the room I was missing. He was talking crudely, making guttural noises and performing at a level that put my best faked orgasm to shame. All I could think of was Shoshana on Girls "Get out of me now" and Natalia "I am not going to say that. I can like your cock without being a dirty whore". (side note Girls is one of the best shows out there - back to my rant now) He never realized that I was laying there like a dead starfish for twenty minutes while he was going through what seemed to be some tribal mating ritual. By the time it was done - I was pretty sure with some investigation - I could have found that exact scenario online - minus her laying there cursing him mentally for not prematurely ejaculating. In porn, women never play the starfish card. This was not a guy who was willing to fumble to figure it out what was working for me. It was someone who must have seen something somewhere, heard what he thought was good dialogue and hoped by the time he was done his invitation to the AVN awards would be in the mail. He was so in tune to his porn culture that even when I slipped up and sent him a text meant for my best friend detailing just how bad it was - he still wanted to cook me dinner next week and try again. In porn - there are no bad scripted experiences. There is no friend zone.
I don't live in that culture though and until he can get his mind back into reality and realize that his partner is more than just a vessel for his erection - we are not going back down that path. Sure - he can cook me dinner next week. Sure, we can Redbox a movie, but it is well documented that I don't like to be interrupted while watching one. I think this guy bit off more than he can chew with me. I am too old to train a forty one year old boy to be a man. I shall not be swayed by an extremely hot neanderthal who is a nice guy fully clothed. This might have been a step towards finding my long lost inner diva and I got a blog post out of it - so I guess I did get mine after all!
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