Any time that KC and I go out - it is usually going to be an interesting evening. For example - the Saturday night we took Yuma, AZ by storm. I know we were the only blondes in the bar & quite possibley the city save for the college girls that were in town for the softball tournament we were there for. We usually go out on Saturday and those are the evening she gets all the attention. KC is the friendly type. She loves to dance and is always smiling when she does. Guys usually take this as an invitation to stalk her the rest of the evening and she is the type that is too polite to tell them to go away. In an unusual shift of things - we went out in a Friday night this time and boy howdy was it a totally different experience!
I should have known what kind of night it was going to be when I went to the restroom for the first time that evening. I encountered a very drunk girl sobbing because she was a leap year baby (Born February 29) so March 1st was technically the day it should be celebrated, but nobody in her family had even wished her a happy birthday. So another lady took pity on her, and from the straps of her thong, produced a mini bottle of alcohol and gave it to her to shoot. It really isn't every day you get shots from some stranger's panties. After a few more minutes of going on and on, the lady pulls out another bottle from the other side of her undies and now this girl is wasted and crying about how she is spending her evening all alone. Apparently she was so drunk she forgot that she had a hot boyfriend floating around in the bar. I really felt sorry for the mess he was going to have on his hands a few hours later when the vomiting would inevitably kick in.
Next order of business. I get a message from 30 year old asking me if I am into Mother/Son sexual roleplaying. WTF? I don't have to roleplay being a mom - I am one. I don't need a man with mama issues when I already have boy who is 6.
The evening is progressing and the alcohol is being consumed. We get up to dance and a small group takes over our table. I go back over to take it back and they ask if we don't mind sharing the table. Yeah sure, no problem. I take my sip and go back to the dance floor. Now my feet are getting tired in my 4" wedge sandals, so KC and I head back to our table. The couple has asked their friends to leave the table because they need some privacy to work out their issue. So now we are stuck listening to this couple break up and the girl is crying. It's a bit uncomfortable, so in my drunken bravado - I approach their cute friends and invite them back to the table on the basis that they did overtake OUR table and they had to be more amusing than the breakup. I was informed that they would only come back if I bought them a drink? EXCUSE ME? Shouldn't they be buying US drinks. I told them nevermind - I'd rather point and laugh at his brother who was trying desperately to salvage what was left of the breakup. The guy grabs her purse, strings it over his neck and they FINALLY leave to go finish hashing it out by the pool tables. We couldn't have been more relieved.
Time for more dancing. This time a guy with a deep v-neck t-shirt on with an insane amount of black curly chest hair protruding from it tries to dance up on me. Now I am vehemently opposed to vneck t-shirts. The guys in Orange County who usually try to rock them also have on skinny jeans and look like total douche bags. Sad but true. It was 80 degrees the entire day, the bar is hot and he is also wearing a black leather jacket - not even a biker style which added to his over all douchey appearance. I tried to avoid him, he tried to kiss me. I covered my lips and pushed him away. KC is losing her mind at this point. "Really - a cute guy is all over you and you push him away? SERIOUSLY?" Yes seriously. Dude wasn't my type at all. A short time later, we head back to the dance floor and KC said something to him about me and I apologized saying "I'm sorry - you just aren't my type." He responded "You aren't mine either" I said "Well then there is no more need to waste each others time". Then Douchey V-Neck boy caused a scene. "I'm NOT trying to get into your pants for god sake. I am trying to treat you with respect because you are a human being. Obviously you are a bitch and don't deserve respect. I hope the next guy you meet treats you like the bitch you are and deserve to be treated like. BITCH!" Just wow. I got read the riot act by Douchey V-Neck boy and I bet he wonders why he is single?
So now we have been out for about three hours and KC is revelling in the fact that tonight is finally my night for the weird occurrences. My two attempts to talk to guys ended up in the before mentioned guy telling me to buy HIM a drink and getting boob blocked by a chick claiming to be a jealous girlfriend who came out of nowhere and seemed to have no issue when any other girl came up to talk to that guy, Then I was verbally assaulted. Definitely an interesting night for sure.
We look up and see a hipster bowl cut guy. Finally there is someone in that whole blasted Bro bar that quite possibley might be my type. He says something to us and walked off. KC sees my eyes light up and we go on a hunt to find him, but he is nowhere to be found. We go see if we can stir up any trouble on the patio - there is none to be had. We go back to our table and there he was. Across the bar. KC drags me over to talk to him, but I chicken out. I mean I really wasn't ready for strike three at bat when it came to talking to guys. He had a really hot chick next to him and tried in vain to get KC to abort the mission, but she refused. So I had no choice to ask him what his name was so we could stop calling him bowl cut boy and how old he was. His name was Alberto which really just rolls off the tongue if you say it right. Then he told me his age. Anyone care to guess? DING DING DING - you got it - in his twenties. Twenty nine to be exact. I can't escape these youngsters. KC leaves us to go dance to Thrift Shopping which she HATES and I am suddenly left to talk to him and really have no clue what to say. So we discuss how uber bad we are at this whole meeting people thing, He mentioned something about wanting to call me, but didn't have my number. I told him he hadn't asked for it and made some off hand comment "like here's my number, call me maybe?" and at that exact second - that song came on. That totally caught me off guard. I gave him my number, teased him about having my name TOTALLY wrong and then he said he wanted to kiss me & did! It was almost chaste. Very short, minimal tongue and then he tried everything in his power to come home with me. Well I don't really do that anymore, so I shot that down. In the end - we all went home alone, but I had 3 texts waiting for me before I even had my front door open. Will I go out with him? Maybe. He would actually have to suggest something that didn't include hanging out at my house watching TV,
So all in all - it was a pretty great night. Then again any night that ends kissing someone 12 years younger than you is a pretty good night in my opinion! It was the first night in a very long time that I really enjoyed the fact that I was single. For the record - this was the first guy in the fifteen years I have lived in California that has hit on me in a bar. This is a BIG deal to me. And hey - if the hot mess leap year baby has a boyfriend that cute - there is certainly hope for me too!
No comments:
Post a Comment