Friday, February 8, 2013

I Just Can't Get the Hang of Being a Cougar

I am debating whether I should be cursing Jennifer Lopez or thanking her.  You see she is in her 40's and has her little boy toy Casper Smart who is in his 20's.  Suddenly I was hit upside the head with the proverbial bat and it all made sense to me as to why 20 somethings have been crawling out of the woodwork recently.  Up until reading that issue of US magazine in the lunch room - it had been a mystery as to why these uber young guys were trying to hook up with me.  No More.  Seriously.  My writer crush is 27.  There is another 27 year old who checks in once a week to see if I have changed my mind about letting him come over for movie night.  There was one who was 26 but has 2 kids from 2 different baby mamas (and he wondered why nobody would date him - sorry  I have 1 of my own and my own family drama).  There was also a 27 year old law school student who faded into the fabric which is just as well.  There have been a couple others, but those were the noteworthy ones of 2013.

I remember guys in my 20's.  They were not as smooth as this current crop of youngsters.  Then again, my 20's were spent extremely drunk and it didn't take much convincing to take me home.  I couldn't imagine dating anyone older when I was younger.  A 40 year old man seemed well, gross. (A pass would have been given for Harrison Ford or Dr. Drew). I did have an affair with a 35 year old married man in my 20's and he seemed so much more mature than me.  Even then  - it was only like a 7 year difference in age.

When queried as to why someone who is 15 years my junior would be interested in someone who is feasibly old enough to be their mother; I got a few different responses.  "Older women know what they want and don't play games" "Older women have it together" "Older women know what they are doing in bed".  Obviously these guy don't realize who they are dealing with.  I don't know what I want although if it involves ice cream or a nap - I might be game.  Have it together?  Give me a moment to collect myself as I am rolling on the floor laughing.  I am FAR from having it together.  I am still entangled by the marionette strings the ex seems to have me attached to.  Good in bed?  Maybe, but it's going to take more than coming over for Netflix to find out.

Guys in their 20's;  it seems are after the instant gratification (writer crush excluded).  When I was in my 20's - unless it was a club screw - the guy asked you and followed through.  They got to know you. I think the term was DATING.  Then again - that could just be an internet thing and not just a youngster thing because I have had older guys who just wanted to "hang"

 I admit I entertained the idea to of going out with one of these youngsters.  I owed it to the blog. I needed a juicy scandal to rock the writing. It was before the Mayans said the world would end - I mean wasn't that a good reason?  If the world ends tomorrow - you are damn skippy sure I am banging a young hottie tonight!  We made plans & he bailed last minute.  A few days later he was begging me to just let him come over.  He almost wore me down until he threw a fit over having to park a few blocks down the street.  (Nothing changes your resolve like a temper tantrum.  Doesn't work for the 6 year old or the 27 year old).  He still tries and I still turn him down.  I am probably crazy - the boy is hot and has an amazeballs chest.

  J Lo can have her boy toy.  I want a guy who is willing to make some sort of effort, but in a world of cell phones, DVRs and porn on demand - these boys don't understand the meaning of that.  I think it's even sadder that a younger women would entertain the "Main Hang" theory.  Make the guy date you proper.  You deserve it!  Seriously - if you aren't worth the effort of taking out - he isn't worth the effort of taking off your clothes.  Guys will usually take the path of least resistance as long as they are allowed.  Not on my watch though!  I think they forgot one key element of the older woman.  We have heard it all, done it all and seen it all.  That experience they seek will be their downfall because they aren't accustomed to putting in that time to get to know the person which is what I at the very least expect out of any suitor. So, as it stands now; I won't be cashing in that cougar voucher any time soon!  If you want to run with the big kitties - you gotta be a lion - not a cub!

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