Out Nerded

Why, why oh why do I continue to do this to myself?  I don't get it.  Oh wait, because I have a blog that depends on it and I know you love to live vicariously through my drama.

So I had yet another why do I do this to myself first and last date again Friday.  We chased each other across the internet for a few months when finally he asked why we had not met for coffee yet.  I told him simply "You never asked".   Even then, it took at least a month before that took place.  First he missed a bill and messed up his checking account, then he had to lend his mom money, etc.  Small red flags yes, but he seemed really interesting and if nothing else he could always be friend zoned. We finally agreed to meet for tea on Friday.  This seemed like a nice twist to the typical coffee interrogation. 

Of course by the time Friday had rolled around - I really had no interest in doing this anymore.  I had an excruciating day at work and even though it was casual Friday - I could have looked cuter. There was no point in going home to freshen up beforehand though because of where we were meeting  My hair was a wavy and unruly mess. I was sweaty from moving files all day, but I always have body spray in my purse.  I just wasn't as primed or put together as I normally would be.  Case in point - the date the week before took me 3 leisurely hours to get ready for because I wanted everything to be perfect.  This time I didn't care.

I battled Southern California rush hour traffic to get to the tea shop and remembered just how much I despised that commute.  Apparently this place was right down the street from an old job of mine.  I get there and he is waiting.  The first thing I notice is he is short.  I mean really short.  I'm 5'2" and had on 4" wedge sandals.  So that made me a whopping 5'6".  I was taller than him in my shoes.  All my heels are 3-4" so I would always be taller than him or would always have to wear flats.  Even his arms seemed short. Not like little people short;  just abnormally short.  I have nothing against short guys, but given how short I am - I do prefer the guy to be taller than me. There is something to be said about kissing a guy on your tip toes.  Maybe that's just a me thing though.  

We got our tea and he never stopped talking.  I found his racing stuff interesting and loved his car - I do have a thing for Mustangs, but seriously.  I don't think I got 10 words in all night.  Then he started talking video games.  That was the thread in commonality, but he out nerded me.  This is hard to do.  He name dropped every single person who ever held any executive position at any game company within a 3 state radius. I smiled and nodded because there was no interrupting him,  Everytime I tried to start a thought - he would interject his own story.

The kicker was when someone walked into the tea store with a dog.  He went banaynay. "Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, oh my gosh. that is the cutest puppy EVER".  Seriously?  He then proceeded to go on and on about how it looked like a cotton ball with legs, how cute it was and a few more awwws.  By then I was grasping for a way out.  Any way out.  He suggested we walk around.  It was a strip plaza, so to walk the whole thing took about 5 minutes.  He told me about his gall stones and how he could only eat a totally fat free diet.. He told me he doesn't drink - ever.  Not because he has a problem with it, he just doesn't.  For someone who gave the impression of being so interesting - this guy was dullsville.  He suggested we go buy a cotton ball puppy ourselves as a way to extend the night and THAT was the final straw.  I excused myself saying I had a test to study for & thanked him for the tea.  I high tailed it out of there as fast as my four cylinder gutless wonder Civic would take me.

I have so little free time and few things are more frustrating than knowing that hour you wasted you will never get back.  So, I think at this point - I am back on a self imposed hiatus - well until it is time for me to scrounge up a date for my Christmas party, or until something else wicked this way comes. Between not really hearing back from the guy from the weekend before that I WANTED to go with again and this guy who was the polar opposite - I don't think the stars are aligned for romance at the moment and I'm OK with that.    For once - I am truly OK!

On the plus side though - I did learn I like vanilla chai.  I guess it was a total loss. 

Climbing Up the Scratching Post

Take your age.  43.  Divide it by half.  21.5.  Add 7.  28.5.  I dodged the bullet by .5.  So for now my cougar claws get to stay retracted.   HOWEVER - it doesn't change the fact that I went out with a 29 year old last night.  Heeeeeeeeeey.

It started simple enough.  A message that for all intents and purposes I would normally ignore because I have a hard and fast rule that a guy should be at least 35.  I have too many damn rules!  It wasn't an obnoxious message so I responded back.  After the obligatory how are you chat, he asked if  I had exciting plans for the weekend.  I said I didn't and what he would recommend?  He told me I could check out Newport Beach for the sights and sounds, Laguna Beach for good live music or possible hang out with him?  All right, he we go... "hang out".  The usual response. I asked what his definition of hanging out was, fully expecting "why don't I come over and watch a movie".  He said "meet for coffee or tea."  I said "sure sounds like a plan",  fully expecting to bail out of it.  Funny thing is, he didn't message or text me a lot.  Enough to show interest, not enough that I knew his whole life story.  I had no reason to chicken or bail.

This was a new twist.

Friday night he confirmed we were still on.  Saturday he suggested we meet at a popular outdoor mall that is known more for it's entertainment value than shopping; although there is plenty of that too.  Again; this is new territory for me.  Rare that a guy -  much less a young one, actually sets a  plan and puts it in motion.

I should have been nervous.  I wasn't.  Maybe because I knew he was young and if nothing else - it would make for good blog fodder.  I looked great (At least I think I did).  I went with cute yet casual.  It wasn't until I was ready to leave that the "WTF am I about to do?" set in.   I was 14 when he was born.  I was legally drinking and he was slurping Capri Suns.  With 30 minutes until the date though, there was no turning back and no nerve calming shot because I was driving.  So off I went.  I was late, but I hit stupid traffic and parking was a nightmare.  I finally found where we were meeting AFTER walking around the whole shopping center.  I found him and so the date began.  He was cute.  That is always a good start. There have been times where I wanted to run before hello was ever uttered simply by the way he looked.  Yes, I can be shallow.  No, you didn't need to remind me.

We went to one restaurant but it was crowded, so we went to another one.    We took an outside table and it was awesome.  That's all I can say.  Despite the age disparity, we had SO much in common.  The conversation never died.  He was engaging, finny and charming.  I think I was engaging.  I didn't let the conversation lag on my end.  He seemed to respond well to me and he had me laughing the whole time.  Three hours later we had to relinquish the table.  I have never had a 1st date that lasted that long.

Ever the gentleman.  He paid for the evening.  Working on my feminine wiles, I let him.  He walked me to my car.  He hugged me goodbye and thus the evening end.  I gave the obligatory text telling him that I was a simply awesome time and thanked him for it.  He texted back it was indeed glorious.  I of course immediately took it as sarcasm because I can't actually allow myself to think someone enjoyed my company.  I didn't react though.  I simply let him know that I looked forward to outing number two if he was so inclined.  He said that would be nice and cracked a joke from the date.

So, since I am working on  said feminine wiles, I will leave the ball in his court.  I let my further interest known.  I guess we will see where it goes. All I know is that I maintained eye contact, didn't have my wall up to the moon and even if I never hear from him again - I still managed to have a successful evening out!

MEOW!

I Guess I Can Check Crazy Psycho off the Bucket List

I have a guy friend that I recently reconnected with.  I've known him since I was 19 and lost track of him around 23.  Turns out he lives 45 minutes away from without traffic or 2 hours away if you can't read your google printed directions, don't know your phone has voice guided GPS and get lost in downtown LA.  (The ONE time I'm accidentally in the Fashion District and of course I"M BROKE).  My friend is amazeballs.  The kind of amazeballs that you want to lick chocolate syrup off of him in hopes that you can lick off some of his amazeballness and you too will be a little amazeballs. OK - MAYBE I'm the only one who want to lick syrup off his head - but it doesn't negate just how incredibly awesome this guy is.  He also sadly (for me) has an amazing girlfriend.  I met her briefly, but the way his whole face lit up when she walked in the room told me all I needed to know.  She too is probably pretty amazeballs.

So I asked him how he met this lady and he told me he went to his least compatible match on a dating site and chatted her up.  Almost 2 years later - they are still together and obviously happy.  So I thought to myself (yes I know how dangerous a prospect that is) that what could it hurt?  I mean I am finally over stupid Boot Camp Guy & his Toe Ring Tramp whom he is taking to England to meet mum (no really - I'm over it) I went online, scrolled down to the bottom of my prospects & there he was.   34% match 47% friend 57% enemy or close to it.  He was cute, but I didn't send him a message because my phone glitched.  Apparently my phone knew something I didn't.

He messaged me later and we got to talking.  He was very intelligent, liked that I was geeky and we decided we should meet over the weekend.  I thought my amazeball friend was really onto something.

I talked to this guy on the phone Saturday and he bored me to tears.  He was really soft spoken and the connection wasn't there, or maybe I just had the sinus headache from hell. Either way.  I made an excuse to get off the phone and somehow ended up over at the ex's.  I mean it was Saturday night & there was raiding to do in WoW.  I texted the guy back saying maybe we could hang out later in the week. (Yes I do know that wasn't going to happen - but it might have.)  That is when he got weird.  

He told me that he thought we were going to hang out THAT night and I told him that I was sorry, but my child was sick.  He asked if I had him at my place and I told him no, I was at his place.  Dude went cray cray.  Suddenly I was dishonest, I lied in my profile. why did I get divorced if I still live there and on and on.  He told me it was a deal breaker.  I told him it is what it is.  That sent him off on another tangent about how incoherent it was that sentence was.  I told him I obviously wasn't the droid he was looking for and good luck.  He THEN proceeded to tell me he wasn't looking for a droid and what did that mean?  SERIOUSLY?  You don't even get one of the most famous movie references in the history of the world?  I will die a single lady and never have sex again before I will date a guy who doesn't know that line from STAR WARS.  Geek girl - kind of mandatory my mate knows this.  I told him I was going to sleep and good night.

3 more crazy texts before I even put the phone down.  I woke up the following day and told him last night was a deal breaker and good luck.  OH MAH GAH, you would have thought I killed his puppy and left the carcass on his door mat.  Dude went off.  Called me a bitch and self serving.  Well yeah, but he hadn't really gotten to know me well enough to make the assumption.  I told him he was psycho and to stop texting me.  It took 21 more psycho texts from him before he stopped.  I stopped responding after the 2nd one.

I think it is safe to say that I dodged a bullet on that one.  It's been a long time since I had a psycho stalker.    I think the last one was 1997 where this guy would follow me around the club, write me poetry and stare at me as I drunkly made out with my man candy of the moment.  I could understand if the guy had actually met me.  I mean, this kind of fabulosity could drive anyone crazy (hey - a girl can dream can't she?).  I have yet to relay this to my dear friend Saucywritergirl because I know the lecture that would have follow from her brilliant yet over active imagination.

So I lived to write another blog post and when I finish Freaks & Geeks on Netflix - I'll get myself back out there.  I promise!