The Friend Zone

I am swimming in the murkiest waters I have ever dared tread.  I'm supposed to be a relationship expert of sorts, but I admit it; I am flummoxed.  I've been put in that place that may only be one step above purgatory, but equally as gut wrenching.  Yes, I'm in the Friends Zone.

This is uncharted territory.  I have been the placer - but never the placee.  I discussed this with the guy that I friend zoned and he said I was buried so deep in it that I may never see the light of day.  I secretly think he was laughing his ass off at me.

You see, I have this friend.  I am not sure why I was attracted to him - he isn't my type.  Like polar opposite.  Like he has never seen Star Wars all the way through, doesn't play a lot of video games, wears cowboy boots - you know -  not my type.  We had a flirt thing going on, but we never acted on it  One night a bunch of my friends and I went to a club and I got hammered.  I tried to be cute and flirty and he ignored me.  One of my friend's was feeling sick, so he said he would drive her home.  Being drunk, I was all huggy telling her good bye and the guy friend asked me "What about me?  What am I chopped liver?" Hurricane Kathy took over.  I blew up and yelled "I have been throwing myself at you all night and you have ignored my every move.  How do I make it more clear?  Do I grab your face and kiss you?  NO? Well then I guess I AM CHOPPED LIVER". I then proceeded storm off in the most dramatic fashion to go find my other friend.  She was of course nowhere to be found and I had to come back to the table.  He was LIVID and I didn't care.

It took quite a while for him to warm back up to me, but things mostly went back to normal. 

The flirty text ceased, but we established a friendship.

Recently we had a Buffalo Wild Wings open up near our work.  This was kind of a big deal because one thing Orange County lacks is a decent wings joint.  We were all going to go there to celebrate another friend's birthday, but decided we didn't have enough time.  I went into work on a Gman free Saturday and decided BWW was going to be my lunch so  I texted my objet d'affection that I was going there.  A half an hour later he calls and asks what time I was going.  We decided to meet at 12:30 for lunch.  Then the rest of my work day was shot.   He decided he needed sunglasses and asked if I wanted to go the mall.  He needed to make one stop first, and then we went back to his place to park my car.  Once the car situation was handled, we were off to the mall.  He got his sunglasses and I dragged him into an anime shop.  He was very out of his element as I brought him into mine.  Like I said, polar opposites.

It was then decided since we had nothing else going on, he needed a surround sound system for his tv.  This required a trip to the bank.  After the bank, he dragged me with him to  get his hair cut.  After the haircut we went and got his surround sound system and then went back to his place.  He put it together and then we watched a little Netflix. I sat on once side of the couch; him on the other.  After two episodes of Prison Break, I went home.  That's it.  Six hours together and nothing happened.  

NOTHING HAPPENED.  

No hand holding.  No arm stretches to put his arms around me. No makeout sessions.  I did get a hug good bye, but that was it.  I was given an open invitation to hang out whenever I wanted though.

Great.  Not only am I in the friends zone - I am also a Main Hang minus the sex.

Now if I were counseling anyone other than myself, I would refer them to the book He's Just Not that Into You.  Mainly the part where it states that if a guy is in to you - he will do anything to make being with you happen.  He will call you.  He will text you.  He will ask you out on a real date - not make you buy your own damn chicken wings.  When it comes to me though - well I tend to be blind and make excuses.  Ok - maybe he is just that dense and really doesn't know I like him.  I text him that he should realize just how awesome I really am and actually ask me out instead of all this open hang nonsense.  He never responded.  He will talk to me at work and he comes into my area all the time, but alas - no date requests.  

Some of my other friends suggested that I tear down his wall and beat him upside the head with the proverbial brick.  So this time I just spell it out.  "Look - I really like you.  I know we are polar opposites, but I think your order and structure would do me good.  I also know that you are in desperate need of a bit of my hot mess.  I don't think it would be as bad as you think it would.  We both know you aren't going to respond though - so I'm just going to ignore you." Again - no response.  My son said he was rude and that I shouldn't be his friend because we don't play with rude people.  (Logic as only an eight year old can give it).  I did ignore him as stated only responding to work related questions even having to remind him that I was ignoring him.  I did remind him though that the Fast and the Furious 7 was coming out in April so he better get back into my good graces before it comes out (It's the ONLY thing we have in common),  It was the only text he acknowledged.

That lasted a good week and a half. Somehow my spirit broke and I invited him to watch a UFC fight with me next weekend at a friend's house and he actually agreed. 

It's not a date though.

I'm in the Friend Zone.

Have you ever been friend zoned?  How did you deal with it?  Did you take it to the next level?