Finally Finding Chemistry With a Man of Science

I am on the verge of something big here. So big that once that line is crossed there is no turning back. You see, as previously mentioned; there is a guy.  Yes, there have been lots of guys.  Guys I've pined over.  Guys I've slept with.  Guys I wanted to date and a the mention of an actual date or two.

This one is different.

No really.

This one IS different.

This one likes me too.  He is just taking his sweet time. 

He has his issues, I have mine.  Nothing that is exactly a deal breaker, but with each one's past comes challenges for the present.  Like the first date that ended in a hug.  As did the second one.  As did the impromptu "I made too much dinner, come have some so it doesn't go to waste" dinner.  And I left wondering if this was all in my head and maybe this is just a blossoming friendship.  Except we were in contact every day including his out of town ventures. Except for the 3rd date he invited me over for dinner and he was cooking.  I gladly accepted of course because I was quite enjoying his company - A LOT.

 In the three weeks where it started as I had to be talked into going out with him - he had grown on me.

The funny thing is - he was going through the same reservations about me.  Not expecting to like me and even less expecting to find that he really does.

This is where we found ourselves after a lovely meal.  In the kitchen. discussing him not knowing what he wants, except that he likes me and wasn't sure what to do next.  I basically said we should just let it go where it was wanted and see where it lead.  Then he said all he knew was that he wanted to kiss me and he did.  FINALLY.  And It was amazing. There was more to discuss though, so we took it to the living room because well, my feet hurt thanks to my lovely 3" wedged Mary Janes.

So, we talked.  A lot.  About everything and about nothing.  About why I am the way I am and hate to make eye contact.  Why nice guys scare me. What he should do with his unused fireplace in the dining room. A good hour and a half passed in the blink of an eye.  He kissed me again.  It had been a very long time since someone who I really liked kissed me.  I had butterflies in my stomach.  He kissed me again.

 This time it was harder. 

Passionate. 

Amazing. 

And I stopped it.  With every ounce of strength I had, I stopped it. I had to.

Because If I didn't - I would have lost control and right now I need that control.

Because if he doesn't know what he wants and wants to take it slow then it had to stop. 

Because if it went any further it would've clouded everything.

Because I like him.

A lot.

This is new territory for me.   There is nothing casual about this future because neither of us are the casual type.  This scares me a bit.  It's everything I think I want, but am I ready for this?  Is he?  It's nothing like I have had post separation. 

There is only one way to find out. 

Skate slowly until the ice cracks.  Then I'll just surf the flood.

Cowabunga dude!