Let's Talk About Sex Baby

In high school I was jokingly referred to as "the Virgin Kathy Hicks".  I was sweet 16 and never been kissed.  I did finally lose my v at 18 and never looked back.  It was like I was making for lost time.  My laundry list is longer than most people I know.  Granted - it is not rockstar/athlete high - but it is a lot more than most people would think is reasonable or acceptable for a woman.  Sometimes it was because I was so insecure. Giving my body up was the only way I could achieve personal intimacy even if it only lasted that night. Mostly it was because I was young and it was there.

Why am I telling you this?  It occurs to me that after 13 years with the same man that I am going to eventually have sex with someone else.  I will be honest - despite all the sex I have had -  this scares the hell out of me.  Why?  Because well I have been with the same man for 13 years.  We never had a great sexual relationship, but we knew what each other liked, we knew how to make it work & well - when I wanted it to be over - I knew the trick to finish it with a hot quickness.  I am not looking forward to fumbling around trying to figure out what I am supposed to do with someone k\new.

I feel like I am plotting uncharted territory.  Having the body issues that I do, I am scared to actually have to get naked in front of somebody again.  I don't even know if I remember what foreplay is or what I am actually supposed to do.  I have been told to just have a fling to get myself over this predicament.  You know what - I can't do it.  For the slut I used to be - I now want to respected for me before I introduce someone to Belinda, Belilse & Sheila  (what - you don't name your boobs & vagina?  Well you should!). 

Maybe my loss of swagger is tied to my lack of sex? I have never felt so at a loss about something I know how to do & used to do well.  Any recommendations or suggestions would be gladly accepted.  Sometimes I wish this single thing was easier,