Even Ross and Rachel Couldn't "Just Be Friends"

Two sentences.  "I'm fine being friends!! The question is: are you?"  This was posed to me and really got me thinking.

Friends.

In this day and age; there are so many different type of friends. You have your "Present" friends.  The tangible friends who are in your life that you hang out with on a regular basis. You have your "close, but far" friends who don't live near you but are always in a constant contact with.  You have "distant" friends such as those you keep up with on facebook from high school, but without it - you probably would lose contact with again and not think much of it. You have you "social media" friends such as those you regularly interact with such as Twitter or the like, but you don't necessarily know.  All of these are people you perhaps talk to on a daily basis and you do indeed probably consider your friends.  Think deep though into your circle of present and close friends.  Eliminate anyone of the opposite sex that you are friends with because they are the significant other of your friend. Eliminate the exes that you have managed to build a friendship with after the break up. Do you have any people of the opposite sex that you consider just a pure platonic friend?  One you could go out with on a Friday night and know that you aren't going to end up in each other's bed before day breaks?

Can a male and female truly be platonic friends without sex or feelings interfering with the friendship? It's the age old debate.  Women seem to be highly optimistic that such a friendship can occur and guys tend to be a bit skeptical.  I am skeptical myself, but then I always seem to think like a guy and my initial thought was NO.   So then I thought I would ask what my friends think.  I asked all of my facebook friends and out of 105 - I got 8 responses.  I tweeted 17 of my 25 followers and got back 6 responses.  My results were interesting (to me at least).

Facebook:

5 of the 8 were females that said YES

1 was a male who said NO

1 was a male who said YES

1 was a male who said not if both were hot

Twitter:

1 male said hmmm, I believe so. Although I would say any guy who is friends with a hot girl secretly wants to have sex with her
1 male said  Sure they can. However, usually one or both, have other aspirations.

1 male said nope those two can fuck everything up , figuratively and literally

2 females said YES

1 female said Maybe, but I flirt with all my guy friends, so what does that tell you?

I asked my ex who said yes and gave an example of a neighbor we used to have. The ex said our female neighbor was awesome, attractive and yet he had no interest in her outside friendship.  When I mentioned he was still married at the time, he responded "what and nobody who was ever married never cheated with a neighbor if that was what they really wanted to do?"  He did  also state that she had told him he was the 1st guy friend she had that never tried to hit on her. When questioned him about that - he responded that most of her friends were drunk skater boys in their 20's who weren't smart enough to seperate friends and friends with benefits.  Touche.

Another friend told me he had a female friend from high school who is his best friend, There is more to this, but I am trying to respect his confidence in me.  He wrapped it up saying the spouses were supportive of the friendship, but only because of the distance.  But why should distance be a factor if guys and girls can be strictly friends?

There was a guy named Mark in my twenties. He proved and disproved that question completely. He was friends with my circle of three. He dated one of us and stayed friends with her.  He was strictly friends with the second and was friends with me, but it turned into more and it ended with me punching him in the face and moving out of my dream house.

I have had a  guy room-mate where it tried to become something more, but ended up causing a severe amount of friction.  Only time has mended those wounds to where we haved moved past it and are friends. (For the record - I'm really sorry for throwing out your Playboys when they came in the mail back in the day- I was petty at the time.)

Then there is Man Whore who I have always been flirty with, but it's never going to cross that line.  Not because I don't want to mess up the friendship (and we are still friends even though we all moved out), but more because I didn't nickname him Man Whore for nothing.

I guess it comes down to a level of maturity where you know the risk isn't worth losing the friendship over.  Where you respect the person and friendship enough to know that things might not be so great if you cross that line. 

So can a guy and girl be strictly friends? The majority from my unscientific poll said yes they can. I still don't know where I stand personally. What do you think? 

New Year, Same Stupid Girl

What is it about the New Year that makes us think it's a fresh start?  That things will be new, that everything will be better?  Can't we see that this year is just last year packaged in a shiny dress so inappropriately tight that it leaves the general public asking "What was it thinking?", while Christina Aguilara tries in vain to locate the designer?

My New Years Eve ended fighting with the ex and New Years Day began very much in the same fashion. Nope -  THAT didn't seem new OR shiny.  The only plus was he decided to remove himself from the situation telling me to have a great day with Gman and that we did.  I had the cutest date at breakfast and Monsters, Inc. in 3D gave me a small nap since Gman couldn't actually see my eyes closed under the 3D glasses.  It was afterwards that my day fell apart.

Last post was about a fauxmance.  Urban Dictionary has many definitions, but I think this one hit closest to the mark:

Fauxmance Used to describe a relationship used to validate one's self or others.

Jack and Jill had a wonderful fauxmance

And it was. Until the ro seemed to be fighting the faux to dance with mance.  It's a stupid crazy that nobody understands and my head hurts with being told "What did you expect? It would never work,  he lives too far away, he was WAY too young, you need to stop looking externally and find happiness internally" etc. It just clicked WAY too easily into place.  The chemistry was instant,  He got me.  My geek like tendencies were a turn on - not a turn off.  Given his college pedigree, he was BRILLIANT.  His writing blew me away.  It felt like if the stars were to align - it would have been the most amazing 'mance ever,  That running around and tearing up the town would have been just as awesome as curled up on the couch with our laptops spewing our thoughts onto digital paper.  How standing in front of a Goya discussing the disturbing nature of the painting was far better than having one in your living room.  How we could be a little drunk on red wine, while indulging in a fine pasta dish and have a deep conversation about something serious and then something insignificant.  That a night in, curled up in bed next to each other with a book (or e-reader) could be considered a damn good night in.  That I was really starting to buy into all of this, except none of it was supposed to be real.  That none of this was going to happen.  That I was throwing myself at this man that I didn't really know, but wanted to know more than anything.

Then I read the email.  I had been digitally dumped.  It was going in a direction that made him uncomfortable.  That we would be friends, but the fauxmance and constant communication needed to cease.  Essentially, the fauxmance that seemed to be turning into a romance was now a NOmance. 

Prior to this, I had done everything in my power not to contact him that day.  There was no Happy New Year email waiting for me when I awoke which told me that I was chasing, not being chased. It told me I wasn't the first thing on his mind when he woke up.  So I let it be.  The joy I had when I saw his picture pop up with the email notification seeped out of me like a balloon losing it's helium.  His words knocked the wind out of me.  I couldn't cry though; I had Gman with me.  So I held it in as long as I could.  It wasn't until he was downstairs playing with a friend did it finally come out and come out it did.  Hot tears streamed down my face as I tried to not sob uncontrollably.  The ex wanted to know what was wrong, but I couldn't tell him.  How do you tell someone you are crying over a fake romance that shouldn't hurt, but you feel like you just got your heart ripped out of you?  That you let yourself think you were someone special in someone else's life, but in reality - his day to day might have only included you in passing thoughts?  That you are so pathetic that you clung onto something that wasn't real because you just wanted to feel loved?  But you weren't because it wasn't real and the minute it started to become real - it was done?

So yes, I was using it to validate myself.  Who was I kidding? Girls like  me don't get the happy ending.  This isn't a romance novel or a chick flick. This is the hard cold reality of life.  If I can get that emotionally invested over an intense exchange of words - I need to stop. So I give up. 

I'm throwing up the white flag - I surrender.

Until the next time....we all know I have no resolve!