I admit it. I bought into the hype. I tore through the first book like wildfire. I couldn't put book two down. I am half way through book three and now I am just irritated. Mostly because of a fight with the ex - but then my brain starts to reel and well we all know where that leads.
It takes mature themes to a "respectable" level because it isn't the Harlequin romance with the damsel in distress and Fabio ripping his shirt of read. Not that there is anything wrong with that - just not what a lot of women would be caught dead reading on the bus as it were. It has put the genre of erotica into the spot light because everyone is talking about it. The series has the top spot of 5 categories of the New York Times Best Sellers list. Ms. James made it OK to want to read sex. In the most liberal country in the world - we can't be naked, we can't talk about sex and we certainly can like it without shame.
So here is where my beef starts. Now granted most of us do not encounter a 27 year old gorgeous billionaires who becomes instantly smitten with us. Yes I know - it's fiction. Think back to your first time. Maybe it was with someone you truly loved, maybe it was the after prom rite of passage or maybe it was in your driveway in the front seat of a Mercury Cougar. No matter where it was - I can almost bet it was painful. Almost excruciating for those of us who were uptight and never got further that allowing an occasional feel to be copped. There was no earth shattering, mind blowing, life changing orgasm. Not the first time, not the second, third or 20th time and not from good old fashioned missionary position. Again - speaking from personal experience and hoping you can relate. Mine was on top with 5th guy I had sex with with and it was an accident - a good accident - but one nonetheless. I have slept with some exceptionally gorgeous men who had it going on - but I have never come from missionary position. Sorry to all my exes who may be reading this - yes I am a great actress too. So it just seems far fetched to me that Ms. Mousy literary geek who has never so much as touched herself - not only had an orgasm on the 1st try, but could have sex the rest of the weekend and not only walk, but also not complain about how sore she was. After that - I am ok with the rest of the sexual encounters. It is after all fiction.
The rest is a very scary undercurrent of abuse and control. We understand Grey's need to for control, we understand his abused past and sympathize with what possesses his personality to be the way it is. We want Grey and Ana to weather the storm and live happily ever after. Would we be so sympathetic if it was Jack who makes minimum wage at Jiffy Lube and controls Diane's every move? When he insists on knowing where she is at all times and gets pissed of when Diane disobeys his commands? When Jack feels the need to punish Diane because she went out after promising she'd stay home? Hell no!!! We would be on our high horses pulling for Diane to leave Jack's ass and never look back. We don't see it as abuse in Ana's case because we pull for that happily ever after. We want her to make Grey complete and heal the wounds that are gaping. In the end though, it's a case of CO-DEPENDENCY wrapped in a pretty package. Ana feels she needs to be with Grey, she loves him, she cannot be without him yet she is frustrated by his smothering tendencies. But she loves him and she deals with it. After she leaves him in the 1st book, the second book picks up with her miserable. She can't eat or sleep. She is consumed with grief over what has transpired and even though she asked him to show her what he was capable of, got freaked out and left - she is miserable. Again - if it were Diane - we would applaud her courage. We would want to empower her and show her she can be loved by someone who doesn't need to control a woman in & out of the bedroom. We'd be singing "I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar". No - mousy little Ana who in 3 weeks who has been exposed to more than most of us in a lifetime, mousy Ana who never had a boyfriend before, mousy Ana who is in "love" with a fucked up billionaire will go back and they will work through it together. He will continue to abuse his power and control her and she will let him because that is just how he is. That is what irks me.
There are more Jack and Dianes than Ana and Greys. There are more Dianes that are killed on a daily basis by a controlling significant other than Greys who somehow find restraint when he wants to beat her into submission. There are more Jack's giving black eyes and "I'm so sorry baby, but you drive me to it" than than Greys who say sorry with orgasms. It is a slippery slope and again I know it's fiction - but a lot of women will read this book and think it's ok because it is fiction. I just hope that while they pull for Ana, they pray for Diane. I am sure the book ends with Ana's happily ever after. Diane might not see tomorrow.
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