For Lisa Marie

My dear friend is getting married in May.  I really cannot afford a tangible present - so Saucywritergirl this is for you.

There is always a defining moment where everything changes.  You can retrace your steps & go "Oh - so that's where it started."  That moment for me was when I moved back to Dayton from Cincinnati & took a job at General Surplus.  This was a very he vs. she type of environment where  if you were a guy you got hired in at a higher rate than your female coworkers and promoted over your female coworkers even if they had more experience than you.  So the females tended to band together since there were only about 5 of us.  This is where I met the lovely Laurie Trick (if you are in the Dayton or surrounding areas and need massage therapy - she is your woman!) and of course Lisa.  It was with Lisa and Laurie that I discovered The Asylum which became the staple of my mid twenties.

I eventually left GS after one too many incidents of sexual harassment and discrimination, but remained friends with Lisa. She introduced me to our friend Tania & the three of us became quite the club triumvirate.  Our styles were all different - Lisa was respectable, Tania experimental and I was the one most out of control.  We all had the same core of friends, but our guy interests usually branched out in 3 different directions.  Rest assured though that on any given Wednesday, Thursday or Saturday, you wouldn't see one of us without the other 2 somewhere near by.

I will be the first to admit it - being as insecure as I am - I was always jealous of Lisa.  She was that perfect kind of cute with the strong personality. I knew no matter how hard I tried - I could never be her and it killed me inside.  I wasn't a very good friend to her back in those days because I wanted to steal her glory so I might shine as brightly. We butted heads more than a few times. "I do NOT approve of this, but  so help me god if you screw him over Kathy - you will not live to tell the tale.  You bore easily & this guy is important to me - DON'T SCREW THIS ONE UP" was what she told me when she found out I was "dating" someone she dated previously. Even then she was a master of words.  (For the record - he screwed me over because he sort of forgot to tell me he was dating someone else & debuted her on his arm after the Captain Woodycrafter CD release party).  She disapproved of almost everything I ever wore to the club.   I was always trying to steal Tania's attention from her and my lowest point was when I started a graffiti war in the bathroom that everyone thought she started and did nothing to detract from it. When I left for California, we were "friends"  but not really FRIENDS.  I did run into her a few years later when I came home for a wedding and apologized.  It was accepted, but there was still an icy chill in the air - as it should have been.

Fast forward about 9 years.  She found me on Facebook and somehow the bridge had been mended so well - one would never have known how unsturdy it was.  We both grew up and have gone through some serious life drama.  She has grown into an even stronger personality and has dealt with things I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.  She is an amazing writer, a more amazing mother and most of all she become one of my best friends.  We Facebook each other while Tweeting each other.  We text almost every other day.  She was there for me when I was shipped to a homeless shelter (she was one of about 5 people who knew what was going on when I disappeared for 3 months).  She has been there for me when I moved out and  tried to learn how to navigate semi-single.  She is there when I am at my lowest, feel the most lost and have no direction.  She gives me words of encouragement & then apologizes for sounding like Doctor Phil.  What I never knew until recently is that she worried about me even back then because I was so out of control - she - like most just didn't know how to reel me in & it was frustrating.  Without her encouragement - you wouldn't be reading this blog. 

So Lisa Marie, she who has weathered so much so far, as you prepare to marry your love for a second time - please know I wish you all the happiness and strength you deserve.  Know that as you are for me - I will always be there for you even if you need me - good bad or pocket text. I am proud we made it through our 20's and am proud of the woman you have become.  I am still jealous of you - but not like before.  I still wish I had your shine, but now I am content that you share it with me.  Mostly, I am proud to be your friend & while miles separate us - our hearts will always be connected because I love you like a sister.

I Can't Change Time, But It's Sure Changed Me.

I'd like to think that I still have a modicum of hipness left in me.  If you were to actually see me right now - you would notice I am rocking a pair of skinny jeans, chucks, the requisite scarf of all So Cal fashionistas and fluorescent pink nail polish on my fingers and toes.  I have a strange obsession with Bruno Mars & could probably kick the pants off of any tween who challenged me at name that Radio Disney Pop Crap tunes.  I still get carded for video games,alcohol & at bars.  Despite all that though - I am getting old.

I first noticed it when I had heard Neal Diamond was touring a few years ago.  The first thought that popped into my head was "Wow - that would be a great show". My second inkling was when I discovered I had a full appreciation of the genius that is Freddy Mercury.  Growing up & being forced to listen to both artists made me think my ears would bleed. My parents played both artists rather frequently in my household.

The thought came full circle to me last night in the bathroom of the college campus I attend every Tuesday & Thursday night.  This girl had on the ugliest knee high boots I had ever seen, leggings & a short sweater/  My first thought was "DAMN kids dress dumb today". (I know I dressed dumb when I was young - just ask anyone who was blinded by my fondness of fluorescent in 9th grade.  Or the time I cut a peace sign into my shorts & wore then with black tights & red chucks.  Or the orange corduroy shorts or the pale pink patent leather high heeled mary janes that only I loved.)  Then I mentally recoiled in horror.  I am positive this is something my mother would have said, and her mother would have said and every mother who has ever been a mother might have said.

Then I started to realize how much my views have changed, softened and hardened. I remember whining, begging & pleading to be allowed to wear mini-skirts in high school & junior high.  My mom refused because she thought it was inappropriate.  I understand that now that I see little girls who look twice their age dressing more provocatively that I did at 25.  I get very annoyed when I see people walking to church on Sunday looking like they just left the club on Saturday or wearing jeans & a t-shirt.  Whatever happen to Sunday best people?  Yes you may say God doesn't care how you look - but shouldn't one take a little pride in their looks when they go to worship?  I am bugged more now than ever by people who don't use turn signals, who abuse the 15 items or less line and just over all stupidity.  I can no longer spend a wild night drinking and carry on the next morning status quo.  Hell I can barely stay up past 10 pm anymore.

It is a sobering realization when you think about it. What's next? I mean I have already used the "Because I spent 12 hours in labor to bring you into this world - the least you can do is hold the box of fruit roll ups for me" on the Gman.  I have called the cops when a neighbors party woke me up at 3 am.  I have considered Spanx.  I just hope I don't end up that creepy cat lady that sits on the porch and sneers at the kids going by yelling at them to get off my lawn!

Dude Detox

This probably seems like a strange thing since it isn't like I am having such a vivid dating life.  I am kind of done with the whole online dating thing and have been for awhile.  Ask my friend Lisa aka Saucywritergirl (read her blog - she is awesome) - I haven't talked about any guys in quite awhile.  She is the one who knows all since we text all the time.

The best way to describe the online thing was diamond conversations with cubic zirconia.  All flash & not real.  The thing is - Arizona guy set the bar very high. (Yes I have finally come to terms with the fact I am never going to see him again). I want someone who will tell me I am beautiful because I'm smart - not because I have an amazing rack.  I want to be able to discuss things whether as mundane as how bad the sister from That 70's Show looks in her mug shot to the chapter I just read in Great Expectations.  I don't want Mr. Let Me Come Over and We will watch a Movie.  I want someone who is real.  I don't want just sex.  Hell - I can do the ex when things get bad.  I just can't get the affection or attention I crave.

The other thing is my schedule really doesn't allow time for love.  I work full time, I go to school at night part time and still need to find time to study, take my pictures for a photography class, lab time & oh yeah - be a mom to a 5.5 year old who doesn't get enough Mommy Time.  Where do I squeeze a someone else into that mix?  I can't and I am finally ready to admit it.

I really don't even know if there is someone out there for me right now.  I don't mean that as negative.  Thinking that I am unlovable or cursed in love might be - I think that a lot.  I just think that maybe - I need to stop looking,  I need to take a step back and focus on what I have going on in front me. Not continue looking for what isn't there just because my ego needs to be stroked.

Dude Detox indeed & who knows - they say you find what you seek when you stop looking.  In the meantime - back to the me party & it has kicked off with neon pink toe nail polish and of course my signature fab hair!

Forget About Yours - What About Mine?

So this has been a rough couple of weeks for me. A while back, I lost a filling. Having a disdain for dentists in the OC - I let it go. Because of that - 3 days of roots canals & a crown rebuild on the tooth & I'm $1900 in the hole. Because of this expense - I couldn't afford my birth control this month. So I want to know who I can blame for this & who can I demand pay for my birth control? Why would I ask something so ridiculous? Simple - Sandra Fluke who once she finishes law school, she will be paid an insane amount of money to interpret & protect the law is asking this question.  She thinks her university should pay.  Should my state run college pay for mine?

Women like her make me ashamed of my gender. I'm not even sure where to begin. She chose to get her JD at a private Jesuit university. If she wasn't smart enough to realize that while Georgetown is an elite Law School, it is also a faith based law school; she isn't suited for a clerkship much less a law practices. This university was founded in the 1700's. Their religious foundation has been what it is for HUNDREDS of years and now she & the government think they should change their standards? That is just asinine.   Now didn't read that her doctor wouldn't write her a prescription - just that she couldn't afford The birth control.

This brings me to my second point.  How in the hell did she shell out $3000 for birth control last year? Again I really have to question this woman's research skills.  Even if her student health care plan didn't cover birth control she could get the generic for Ortho-Tricyclin for $9.00 at Walmart & $10.00 at Target without even having to use her student insurance.  That's $120.00 a year.  Unless her uterus is lined with gold and she has to have her pill custom inserted by a specialist - then I would really be curious as to why her expenses were so high. 

None of this is for medical necessity.  She doesn't need the pill to regulate her cycle or to help with dastardly cramps.  She just wants to have sex and not have to pay for her birth control.  Hey - I'm down for all the sex you want - but I don't want my tax dollars being spent on your orgasms sister & I don't believe a private faith based college should either.  She has options.  Maybe trying Planned Parenthood? How about not having a girls night out one weekend so you have your birth control money?  Maybe cut back on the coffee shops?  OOOHHH - how about having her partner help out?  How about if you are so concerned about not getting pregnant and worried about your finances because you are going to an elite and costly law school - try abstinence?  I really think she needs to focus on her research skills. I can't stress that enough, I work at a law firm - it is a very vital skill - much more so than having sex.

Where do we draw the line?   So if she should get her birth control for free - then shouldn't we all?  Then all the men should get their condoms for free too right?  We can't discriminate.  Then we should all be able to get out pets spayed & neutered for free.  Having my cat in heat is a burden to me too.   At that point can I go into a Jewish deli & complain to congress that I couldn't get a pork hot dog or 3 pounds of ham?  Why not - It is something I want & I am not being accommodated.  We live in a me me me society where it is easier to blame our problems on somebody/something else than take responsibility for our own actions.

So in the end - I am still out $1900 for 1 tooth and have another 2k looming to fix 3 more.  I subsided on the free drinks at work and no food  for a week so that I could afford minutes on my phone and still no birth control for this month.  The point is - I gave things up to cover MY responsibilities & didn't have anyone bailing out my sex life and neither should she.