I'd like to think that I have a unique perspective of the world given that I am 46 year old divorced woman. I have some very republican friends who think that women who claim sexual assault is nothing more than attempt to shame their candidate. I have democratic friends livid that anyone could possibly think that a woman claiming sexual abuse could be used as a political pawn.
Then you have me trying to raise a boy in this world.
This world of instant gratification. Anything you want to see is on the internet. Whether it's polar bears at the zoo or two people dressed up like polar bears going at it - it's out there. When I was growing up, the Playboy Channel was scandalous and scrambled. Boys read National Geographic to see some boobs. Maybe if they were lucky, someone's dad had a hidden stash of nudie mags - that was the goldmine. Dating was actually having to call on the phone. They had to take you out and court you. There was no swiping right. There was no "Come over and watch a movie" as code for I don't own a tv and we are going to have sex.
Why is this relevant? Because todays men (I term I use loosely) think they are entitled to the world because the everything is just a phone app away. Because we don't tell our kids no as often as we should. Because there are no winners or losers in kids sports because it might hurt someone's feelings. Because Peter Pan never grew up and now he's thinks he's king of the world
Is it possible that the Republican candidate grabbed a woman by the "pussy" and then bragged about it because you can do these things when you are rich? It is totally possible. This is the same world that if you don't respond to a swipe right timely enough you get told you are a fat bitch who should have consider herself lucky that a guy like him would even consider saying hi. Bye Felipe show that clear as day. These are the male roommates that think that they can come into your room at 3 am even though he knows you like him and hate the girl he's dating and then flaunt her in your face the next day. (She should be thankful that you are too classy to meet her smug smile with a "Bitch please, I could have had your man 6 sides of Sunday and twice on Weds."). There are the men who think it is ok to have sex with you after the third date even though you said no. Why? Because no isn't in their vocabulary.
When I was in my 20's, my sexuality was my weapon. If I wanted free drinks, you better believe the girls were out to play. If I didn't want to go home alone, there was a little black dress than barely covered my back end that it always did the trick. If I wanted to stop a full class on men doing karate, dead in their tracks, all I had to do was walk in the door in a tiny pink skirt. The thing is that if I didn't like you, I'd take you home. If I did like you, I didn't want to been seen as the slut I probably was and wanted THAT encounter to be special To mean something. That I didn't see you as my midnight snack that I tossed out with the pizza box and tequila bottle the next morning. That's what happened with Dan. (Might be his real name, might not - I've blocked it.) I'm not sure if I met him at the bar or at the club, but either way I was probably drunk, I was quite the flirt after I lost count of the shots. I gave him my number and he never called. It didn't phase me and quite frankly I forgot about him. A few months later, he called me out of the blue, reminded me who he was and asked me to a movie. He told me he had been an extra in it and it would be fun. I had nothing else going on, so I went out with him. He was awesome. He was a gentlemen, He even called the next day. We went out again with his friends and that went well. I was excited because this guy wasn't my type. he wasn't a UC frat guy and he seemed like a good guy. That was until date number three. We went to dinner then we ended up back at his house. We started making out and that was as far as I wanted it to go. I wasn't ready for more. I wanted it to be based on more than sex. I told him no. I told him to stop. I begged him to stop. He called me a stupid tease. He told me he bought me dinner, that he drove me there and he wasn't driving me home until he was done. He told me it was the least I could do. He proceeded to have his way with me. I just laid there and left my body waiting for it to be over. When it finally was, he told me to get dressed and then dropped me off a few blocks from my apartment telling me he had to be up early and needed to get back home. Not even the decency to drop me at my door. No kiss good bye. Actually I don't think he even said good bye. I didn't tell anyone what happened. I didn't report him for date rape. He never called me again and I beat myself up thinking I did something wrong. Thinking that had I just given it up like I had with so many other guys, we'd probably be going out again.
Thinking I had it coming.
That thinking is SO messed up.
Are there women out there that cry rape that aren't? Sure there are. A good friend of mine consensually hooked up with a girl. When her boyfriend found out she cheated on him, she told him my friend raped her. His word against hers and while I wasn't in the bedroom watching, they both went in happy, they both came out happy and were all smiles and smoochy the nest morning. I'm inclined to believe him.
I'm not a full on card carrying feminist. I just know the bravery it takes for someone to stand up and say "this person sexually assaulted me and it NOT ok. I don't think it's ok to dismiss this claim because it's 3 weeks before a major election. I don't think it's ok to rape a woman behind a dumpster and have it classified as boys being boys.. I don't think it's to be gang raped, have it recorded and get off because you are the sheriff's son.
It's NOT OK.
So all I can do is raise my son to be a good person. A respectable man. That no means no, whether she is dressed like a nun or a whore. To not get himself into situations where he has to defend him self as the accused. That just because she answers the door in nothing but a thong in porn doesn't mean that as a pizza guy your tip is going to be the down and dirty. That anything good is worth working hard for - including a woman. If I do nothing else in my lifetime - I just want to know that my son isn't going to be "Dan".
