Sometimes stepping out of my comfort zone scares the crap out of me. For instance I rarely leave the Orange Curtain because driving in Los Angeles scares me to death. I got lost downtown once and of course it was in the fashion district and of course I was broke. My friend was laughing hysterically at me on the phone trying to direct me back to the freeway, I haven't been back since.
I feel the same way about trying new things. I wrote about starting Brazilian Jiu Jitsu here, I started it for one week. Other than learning the most basic move; I can't remember how to execute anything I learned,
It isn't exactly my fault that my try only last one week. The boys came home from their one month excursion three weeks early and totally put a kink in my training. My life went back to it's usual hectic pace and I was mad because I totally planned to nap at least once during their vacation and never got it in!
Now the whole reason I had started it was because my son was owed 1 month of training because I paid for June and he never went due to his theatrical schedule. There was also the free month of training that everyone gets to start out. My son wanted to go to taking gymnastics. I thought I was golden. I thought at the end of those two months, I would walk around with Katy Perry's Roar following me wherever I would go. I would finally have a reason to get my Warrior Princess tattoo, I would be badass AT LAST.
Except....
His dad said he had to go back because he had only trained for six months and we had already paid for his gi. He said he had to do BJJ for one more year (about how long it should take him to outgrow the gI) and then can go back to gymnastics if he still wanted. There went my 1 of my free months. I realized that $250 a month for the two of us to take it was too much for me to afford. My child was incensed. "It's not fair mom; if I have to go back - YOU have to go back. Figure it out mama" (Now sure how he can be a male mini me and sound just like his dad).
So Gman made his return after a summer of swimming and awesome upper body strength. His professor asked where the hell I had been. I explained that the blonde monkey was coming back and there went the freebie. I explained my financial situation and he made me a deal that I couldn't refuse. I relayed the discussion to the ex and informed him that I was essentially the new poster child for women's self defense at the studio and I had to go back.
The second time around was even scarier than the first time around. Summer break was over and more people came back. More men with blue, purple, brown and black belts. Loud, crude men. I walked into a boys club and I was scared. I walked in though. I announced I was back and said "let's do this" I had to remind everyone that I did have a name and it wasn't "Gman's mom" and to tell them they didn't have to change their vernacular from "Alright guys" to "Alright guys AND gals" I'm in their world and don't want preferential treatment.
Most of the warm ups are like a yoga class on steroids and my fat rolls get in the way. While I have a ton of leg strength, I lack arm, back and core strength, I am also fat. Yeah I said it - I am fat. So when my son's best friend''s dad isn't there - I have to do a lot of actual exercise. Like 40 lunges, 40 squats, 80 leg lifts while I lay on my hand and between 20-40 push ups everyday. Then there are a couple of techniques I had to work on.
It's hard. I can't walk. My core is sore. My back is stiff. I leave a hot and sweaty mess (as opposed to my usual just hot mess standard). I prefer the days when I can actually work more on technique so I can someday spar, but that is a LOOOOONG way out there. There is a great sense of accomplishment when you can throw someone down and mount them. Yes they are rolling so that I get the feel for it, but it's the most fun I have ever had working out.
Then I try to use what I learned on the ex. This is when reality sets in. I am damn weak, He's bigger and stronger than me. He has also watched Gman do this for 7 months and has picked up a thing or two. I can't escape out of any situation he puts me in yet. He lets go when I tap though.. The goal is to take him down, or at the very least hold my own against him. Not because he's evil or abusive, but because he is bigger and stronger and won't take it easy on me. When I can actually hold my own against him- it will be because everything I have learned fell into place. He;s very supportive of this endeavor.
.
As for the classes with these large and intimidating guys? They don't care. What I am learning doesn't affect their training. They respect that I am trying. They were all brand new white belts once. They are all very supportive actually. When I didn't show up for open mat, I was reamed out by one of the assistants for my excuse of not knowing what I was doing. He personally offered to work with me if nobody else would. I may not ever compete, but I represent the women they want in the class.
I am part of a team.
And that is a sentence I never thought I would utter!
