I love when I get the opportunity to reinvent myself. It has been hard of late because I exchanged the "Single" freedom I had for the opportunity to tuck my child into bed every night. As much as yearn for alone time, I love being the last person he sees before the manic energy of an eight year old winds down to the sleeping angel. My weight has ballooned and as much as I want to whine about it - sleep at 5:30 am is greater than getting up to go work out. I am not alone in this theory. After a week of me and my neighbor trying this feat, we both came up with an excuse the next week to get out of it. Treadmills are boring.
So I had come to terms with the fact this is me. I mean my work crush doesn't think I am fat. As he lead me to his office with a plate of wood fired pizza in hand, I told me he was singing a fat girl's song. He told me to let him know when she got here. I tried hard not to blush. Coast Guard Guy thinks I'm perfect the way I am although he has only seen very well positioned photos.
I am not satisfied though.
Nothing fits.
Again.
I look horrible in my bathing suit. Now I don't look as bad as some do at the pool. I just don't subscribe to the "If you can't tone it - tan it" philosophy. Kudos to those who do. I am just not that comfortable showing my excess. Unless it's my boobs. I am rather proud of the Belinda and Belysle.
So I have one month to make changes. My child and his dad are taking a month long vacation and I get to stay behind to try not to kill the fish. Life reinvented, Much needed sleeping in. Only cleaning up after myself, No getting tiny rubber bands stuck to my feet. For one month.
What are my plans this time (as you roll your eyes having read this many times before)? My plan is to badass. Badass like this chick.(yes I know Ronda Rousey is a judoko, but still - a 16 second take down is pretty impressive in my book)
I shall roll around on a mat while guys twice my size throw me around like a rag doll. I will come out a month from now with more stamina, strength and courage than I have now. No, I am not shooting a porno. I have decided to try Brazilian Jiu Jitsu.
My son trained for about six months, but got sidelined by his school play and never got interested in coming back. He's more of a lover than a fighter anyways.
I have the assurance from my son's best friends dad that I am not going to die. He's been at it for over a year. I beg to differ about the dying part. . I am SORELY out of shape. I have watched from the sidelines - I know what the warm up are. Add push ups (which I can only do on my knees) and sit ups (which I can't do AT ALL) to the mix and I am going to be toast. I am more scared about the warm ups than I am the actual class. Oh, did I mention - it's ALL GUYS in the class - most of whom are blue and brown belts. The instructor assures me the men will have nothing but mad respect for me.
I
AM
GOING
TO
DIE
For reals.
Why am I going to subject myself to this? I need to get back into shape. I need to instructed and bossed around. Once I lost my personal trainer - I lost all motivation. Well that and I didn't want to run into boot camp guy (who knocked up Toe Ring Tramp incidentally. If you are new to the blog- read all about that adventure here). I need a challenge and a place to vent my aggression. What better place than the mat?
I have a month to get things back together in my life without the distractions of well - life. I don't expect to be able to overtake anyone. I just want to be able to hold my own. Whether on the mat or in real life - isn't that all we really want? So my birthday present to myself will be the gift of me, I can't wait to unwrap myself next month!
