Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Million Dollar Lusting - NSFW!!!!

Melinda needed another drink like she needed a hole in her head, but after the day she had endured; she was more than entitled. Audrey Cameron was the hottest rising star in Hollywood and she had enlisted Melinda to sell her house for her. On top of that, Audrey was looking for something bigger in a much more posh neighborhood. This would have meant double commission for Melinda and that was what every real estate agent strives for. Melinda had the check spent in her head as the Hermes store in Beverly Hills.  That Birkin bag was calling her name.  It was the deal that would have  taken her to the A list of Agents in the mecca of Beverly Hills real estate circles.  Everything was in order until she got the call saying that Audrey had changed her mind and decided not to sell and wasn't going to buy another place after all.  So now she sat alone in the bar across the street from the office knocking back her second Chardonnay while trying to figure out her next move.  She had spent several thousand dollars of her own money marketing that property and that was several thousand dollars she wasn't going to be able to recoup in the sale. She also had to cancel all the brokers that were coming to the showing.  It wasn't a prospect she was looking forward to. Melinda was relatively new to the real estate scene and felt her peers would judge her on this cancellation.

If her day hadn't been miserable enough, Melinda looked up and saw Walter Jacobs walk into the bar. He seemed to be making a beeline towards her and Melinda inwardly cringed.  Walter was a partner at the same firm as Melinda and was always the top seller within his region, which just happened to be the same one she was in. He also starred in one of those reality TV shows which also helped boost his bottom line.  If you were going to buy real estate in Beverly Hills - he was the man to get the deal done. He was very handsome, confident and had a charm most people could not resist. He was also cocky as hell when he wasn't with clients and that both repulsed and turned Melinda on in a way she refused to acknowledge.  Walter took a seat next to her at the bar and ordered a scotch on the rocks. "Tough break on the Cameron house, but I could have told you she wouldn't keep it on the market Mel." Walter quipped.  "Really Walter, enlighten me if you please." she responded with a more than obvious eye roll. "She got back together with her rock star boyfriend and they decided to live together.  Why look for a new place when you have an  entire closet devoted to just your Loub collection?  God, don't you read the trash mags?" "No. No I don't. I didn't go to Columbia to fill my brain with gossip and sensationalism." Melinda answered while trying not to let her annoyance show.  She refused to let him get the best of her tonight. "I suggest you start then.  The rags, the society columns, hell even the internet.  You have to have your finger on the pulse of the city if you expect to cater to the who's who my dear.  Maybe we'll sit down tomorrow and I can give you some marketing strategies." With that, he ordered her another glass of wine and strolled out of the bar as quickly as he came in. Melinda felt like she had just been steam rolled. She downed the glass Walter had ordered her and went home to put an end to what felt like the worst day of her career.

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Walter headed towards his Range Rover parked in the structure across from the bar.  His head was full of thoughts about Melinda.  What was it about her? Sure she was smart; you had to be to make in this industry, but there was more to it than that.  She had potential to make it big if she just loosened up, but that uptight demeanor would be the death of her.  It was more than that though. She was also gorgeous.  Her fiery red hair set her apart in a sea of bleached blondes in this town. She always wore it in a precise updo.  Everything about her was so rigid.  As he headed towards the freeway, all he could think about was getting her out of that Chanel suit. He let his mind wander about whether she was wearing a thong underneath that short skirt she had on earlier. The thought of her lying on her back spread eagle in nothing but her Jimmy Choo's made him hard as a rock. Underneath that perfectionist exterior had to be a vixen and he was bound and determined to find out where that vixen was hidden.  She always rebuffed his advances and this wasn't something he was used to. In a town where money talks, he was the key note speaker. Walter Jacobs ALWAYS got what he wanted.  Little Miss Ivy League was not going to be the exception this rule.

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The following day, Melinda was at her desk by 8:30. She tried to ignore her throbbing head.  Drowning her misery in too much Chardonnay last night might not have been her brightest move.  She requested her assistant bring her some coffee and a couple Advils and proceeded to start her morning. As she was going through her contacts, Melinda's assistant buzzed her to let  know that the managing partner wanted to see her.  Since she had just lost that big sale, it was with trepidation that she entered his office.  What she didn't expect was to see Walter there too.  He was sitting on the arm of a chair debating the pros and cons of local golf courses with Jack Miller and was oblivious to her entrance. For a brief moment she was caught off guard by just how attractive he was.  It took a special body type to look good in a slim cut suit, but it fit him in all the right places. It was probably specially tailored for him she thought to herself. She was brought back to reality when her boss commanded the attention of the room. 

"So Melinda, about the Cameron listing...." Melinda cut him off mid sentence.  "Mr. Miller, I can explain.  I was all set for the broker showing and..." It was Miller's turn to cut her off. "No need to explain.  It happens.  I don't even think Jacobs could have salvaged that one."  Walter looked mildly offended, but `he refrained from commenting.  Miller continued "So, I have you both in here because I am going to partner you up on a very lucrative dual commission deal.  This would normally be a slam dunk for you Jacobs, but I want you to show Melinda how work your magic and Melinda, maybe some of that overly disciplined demeanor of yours could rub off on Mr. Suave over here."  Walter though to himself " I can think of a lot more than her demeanor I want rubbing up against me." Miller proceeded. "So the deal is a penthouse at Pallazo De Terra. The location is prime to anything one could desire - shopping, nightlife, restaurants and the view of the city is unmatched.   Between your two strengths, you should be able to make this happen with ease.  If you make the client happy, there will be plenty more listings coming your way since he owns half the building."  Melinda was visibly upset.  While the prospect of getting her foot in the door of that building, working with Walter was the last thing she wanted.  His unorthodox manner went against everything she worked for and she would never make a name for herself if she had to shadow him.  Having not made a sale this month though, Melinda reluctantly conceded to the deal.  She gathered her wits and proceeded back to her desk.

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Walter let a sly grin cross his face.  He had just been handed Ms. Ivy League on a silver platter. They'd make the sale, that was a no brainer. The place would sell it's self. His intention was to get the commission and have Melinda on all fours, preferably within the same  twenty four hour period. This would more than make up for the fact he had to split the sale.  He stopped Melinda on the way back to her desk  "Mel, you, me, dinner tonight at Gia Bella's.  I'll pick you up say 7:30?  Let's discuss the strategy on how we are going to make our big money."  Walter was not about to take no for an answer and was on the phone making a reservation before she could turn him down. At that point Melinda really had no choice but to accept.  After all it was a only a working dinner even though it happened to be at one of the priciest restaurants in town.  She wasn't naive enough to think he wouldn't make a move on her, but she held fast in her desire to not mix business with pleasure.  This would be hard though because despite how much she despised his work ethic; he did have power in this town and she did find it kind of sexy,    She could feel the dampness seeping into her panties.  She excused herself and headed to the ladies room. 

The frustration of the past two days had built up beyond a comfortable level.  She was torn between the disdain she felt for Walter and the attraction her body wouldn't let her deny. She let herself into the bathroom stall, slipped off her panties and hiked up her skirt.  She sat down on the toilet with her legs spread apart and let her fingers rub slowly against her clitoris.  She could feel it harden with each stroke.  She slowly let her middle finger glide against it, enter inside her as she reached for her gspot and then slowly slide back again hitting her clit again and again.  It was becoming more and more sensitive with each stroke.  Before she knew it, she had three finger inside her very wet slit and was rubbing her clit with her palm.  Soon she could no longer contain herself.  She stifled a moan as her body spasmed in ecstasy.  It was one of the strongest self induced orgasms she had ever had and it wasn't until it was over that she realized she had been thinking of Walter the whole time.

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Her day had started to look up.  She had come across a couple of really good leads and had made appointments to meet the sellers the following day.  All she had to do was get through her dinner with Walter and her day was done.   For some reason she was really nervous about this working dinner.  Gia Bellas was THE place to eat in Beverly Hills and it only made sense that he would have made reservations there. She could almost her him saying "It's not where you go, it's who you know when you get there". She wondered if he had the capacity to just enjoy an evening and not network every chance he got?  Probably not, but then that is why he had already sold forty million this year and why they were stuck having this dinner in the first place. She was a little unsure as to what she should wear.  It wasn't a date, but it was still the kind of place where dressing to the nines was considered underdressed. It was after all owned by some reality star who demanded in the dress code that ladies to be in heels. She put on a green halter dress and her Louboutin's that she saved for special occasions.  She threw a few business cards in her clutch and at 7:30 on the dot, Walter was at her front door in his Ferrari.  "Of course it's his Ferarri, why would it ever be something understated?" she thought to herself.

Walter got out of the car to open her door and was taken aback when she walked down her front steps. If he thought she was gorgeous at work, he was at a loss for words as to how breath taking she was. Her dress accentuated her curves and the color accentuated her hair that was gleaming in the setting sunlight.  He knew this was a working dinner but he was quite pleased at the thought he could undress her in his mind all night long. As they pulled out of her cu de sac, Walter exclaimed . "Damn woman, what a difference 10 hours makes. You look stunning". Melinda felt a blush creep up her neck.  "Thank you" she replied "I've always wanted to try this restaurant, but apparently I don't hold the same clout you do." Walter smirked "Well I got Annalise 1.5 million more than her house was worth when she put it up last year. I have an open table at any of her restaurants."  "Is there anyone in this town you aren't connected to?" she asked. Well I'm sure there are a few, but they aren't worth knowing if I don't." Melinda couldn't tell if he was serious or joking, so she just settled back and took in the local scenery.

Upon arriving at the restaurant, Walter surrender his keys to the valet and bent down to whisper in Melinda's ear. " Smile big my dear. Tomorrow your face is going to be on every gossip site and your phone is going to blow up,  You can thank me later".  Melinda wasn't sure what he was talking about until she realized just how much paparazzi was surrounding the place. She heard a yell from in the distance "Hey Walter, who's your date this evening?". Walter grinned his most charismatic smile. "This is my colleague Melinda Wentworth. She's my fiercest competition in this town and quite frankly the only person I would allow to sell my house when I'm ready to flip it". Flashes started popping and Walter ushered her into the restaurant.

"What the hell was all that about?" Melinda demanded.  She had never experienced anything like that in her life. "Miller told me to show you how I work my magic.  Rule number one: EXPOSURE.  Until ten minutes ago, nobody knew name.  Tomorrow, your name will be falling off the tongues of people who want to give you their business all because I said I'd let you sell my house.  The only way I could make your name bigger is if you were my girlfriend."  Melinda scoffed at the notion.  "Walter, we are here to brainstorm, to sell this house and to go our seperate ways. I don't need your help and I don't need your exposure.  I'm not your next conquest and none of this impresses me." Melinda found herself fuming.  Walter quipped with a laugh "You are really cute when you are pissed"

Melinda was lying through her teeth though.  It was all impressive.  She knew he was opening doors that she couldn't ever open on her own. She just wasn't sure if his attraction towards her was real or if she was just another women he hadn't had yet. She realized just how attracted she was to him, otherwise she wouldn't be so on the offensive with him.  She could do a hell of a lot worse, but dating a colleague such as Walter was not a good idea.  Pillow talk and Rolodex's rarely mix. If he could make her a real estate star, he could certainly crush her if things went south romantically.

Melinda and Walter got through the dinner non-plussed.  He managed to keep it business and they worked out what they deemed a successful strategy.  They were to meet with the client, then Walter would set up the broker's showing.  Melinda would handle the listing and the setting up of the penthouse.  If they didn't get an offer from the broker's open, she would handle the general public open house.  Both were confident it would never make it to the general public though.  With everything set in stone, they finished their dinner and Walter drove her back to her condo.  "You know" said Walter "If you are up for a night cap, I know a great spot at the beach where we can have a drink and just watch the waves roll in."    "You just never give up do you?"  She responded. Walter looked at her with all seriousness "Not when it's something I want."  Melinda felt a blush creep up her neck for a second time that night. Unsure as to how to respond, she thanked him for the dinner and took her leave when they reached her front door.  Walter was two steps ahead of her, had the car door open and took her hand to help her out. "So then, I guess that's a no on the night cap.  See you tomorrow Ivy League."  Melinda ascended up the front stairs to her door and didn't look back.  She knew if she did, she would be back in the Ferrari and that would be the end of their working relationship.

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Walter might've been the king of Beverly Hills real estate, but Orange County was where he called home.  It was close to 9:00 pm and traffic would be a breeze, so he decided to make the trip back to Newport after dinner.  He kept an apartment in town for those nights when he didn't want to make the drive. It also came in handy for late night entertaining.  This was his plan for tonight, but Melinda had turned him down.

Rejection was not something he was used to. He knew it was a working dinner, but to be quite frank; he wanted more. In fact he couldn't remember the last time he had been turned down. If anything; this business had taught him a little charm goes a long way to sealing the deal,  As he cruised down the Pacific Coast Highway; he replayed the evening in his head. He chose an amazing restaurant and picked her up in one of his best cars. Maybe he should have driven the convertible Cobra, he thought to himself.  She should have been melting at his feet.  He had hoped the few drinks Melinda had at dinner would have loosen up her up, but he had no such luck.  She should have jumped at the chance for drinks at the beach.  Then he could have invited her back to his place.  A trail of shoes and clothes would have lead to his bedroom.  The night should have ended in her screaming his name as so many others had done before her. He had tried every trick in the book to seduce her and she was having none of it.  Maybe she had a boyfriend, but he was pretty sure that she didn't.  There wre no momentos at her desk such as pictures or flowers that led him to believe someone else was getting the best of her.Hw had to come to terms that Melinda was going to be a challenge and not like any other woman he had encountered.  Now though, he was five minutes from home and frustrated. 

Once inside his house, he perused his bullpen. His ego was wounded and he needed someone to re-inflate it for him.   After flipping through about the tenth name - he gave up.  None of those women held a candle to Melinda Wentworth and all would have been a lousy substitution for her.  Instead, he went to his computer and searched for Redheaded porn.  He found a site where a beautiful redhead was riding her boss in his desk chair.  Loosening his pants, he pulled his dick out and thought about Melinda riding him in his office.  What would she be like spread eagle against his desk with her ass in the air.  Maybe have her under the desk sucking his dick? Having her on her knees as he fucked her in the ass. His hand gripped his dick harder and the strokes intensified  Soon he had ejaculated and only then did he realize just how bad he had it for Melinda.  This too was something he wasn’t used to.  Walter Jacobs didn’t fall for women; they fell for him. Melinda however was not just any woman. She was smart, driven and beautiful.  She had him wrapped around that pretty little perfectly manicured finger of hers and she didn't even know it.  He was determined to stop at nothing to make her his girlfriend. 
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Melinda decided to work from home the following day. She did have clients to meet that day, but it wasn't anything she needed to be in the office for. It was the end of her work week and the broker's showing was set for Monday.  She figured four days would be enough time to sort through everything before the showing and before she would have to face Walter again. She wanted to be on her A game, but she knew if she faced him today, she would come unglued.  Melinda thought back to when she was getting out of the Ferrari.  She had seen that look in his eyes before, but it was usually when he was about to make a big sale.  Maybe that was all he really did see her as - a corner of the market he hadn't conquered. 

She refused to let herself ponder on the subject anymore. She fired up her laptop and went straight to the top gossip sight.  4 years of college  at an Ivy League school and a Masters Degree from Stanford; and there she was as paparazzi fodder.  Total strangers were commenting on her looks, her hair, and  most of all her "date";  all because of one working dinner.  She perused a few more sites and there they were again and again.  She had to admit that she and Walter did look rather good together . She thought to herself "Maybe there are perks to working with Mr. Reality TV."

Melinda stifled a giggle.  What would her friends back home think?  She grew up in a small town in upstate New York.  She was the studious type; always kind of shy and quiet. This whole limelight thing was new and strange to her.  The most attention she had ever received in school was at graduation because she was the valedictorian.  She had earned a scholarship to study business at Columbia where she also the top her class. After graduation, she wanted to see more than New York had to offer which is how she ended up in California.  While studying for her Masters at Stanford, she had decided to her real estate license too. She had hoped to run her own business someday and real estate was booming at the time.  It just seemed logical choice.  She had done well enough in the industry which is how she ended up at with Miller & Silverstone.  This had let to where she was now - splashed all over the internet with Walter Jacobs at her side.

Walter was right about the exposure though. She couldn't buy this kind of promotion.  Her assistant had forwarded her more messages that morning, than she had had all month and her email was alive with potential clients.  These million dollar listings weren't going to sell themselves though, so she buried herself in her work the rest of the weekend.

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Monday came and there was so much to do.  She had never hosted a showing of this caliber and she was a nervous wreck. When they managed to sell the penthouse; it would be her biggest commsion to date, which was saying a lot since they were splitting it. There was so much that needed to be handled.  She had sent her assistant get the sushi and champagne, while she handled the rest of the details for the set up. Normally she wouldn't go to such extremes, but the was Walter's idea and she wasn't about to argue it. He had a proven record that showed he knew what he was doing.  Walter strolled in an hour before the brokers were to set to show. "So Mel, I missed you Friday." as he tried to chat her up.  "Well now that I'm a somebody in this town, I took a day to work from home.  It was a very productive day for me without outside distraction."  she responded with a grin.  "Distractions?  Whatever do you mean my dear?" he quipped.  "You know exactly what I mean.  Now go make sure the concierge is aware of the traffic flow we expect,  while I set up the drinks." "So authoritative Melinda, I like this side of you." Walter said with a laugh as he went to do as he was directed.  Soon enough people started pouring in. 

Melinda was amazed at just how many people were showing up.  She had never seen an open house with so many people.  Walter was certainly able to deliver. This was certainly the big leagues now. They took turns escorting the clientele around the penthouse.  Melinda was able to personify all the feminine charm the listing had to offer and Walter made it seem like a men's must have. She couldn't believe just how seamlessly they worked together. 

After the last person had left, they had found themselves with two very interested brokers with potentials of a written offers the following day.  Walter grabbed two flutes and poured each of them a glass of champagne. She couldn't believe how parched she was.  She also helped herself to some leftover sushi. Exhausted, she plopped herself down on the couch.  The assistants had taken their leave and it was just the two of them left in the condo.  Walter slid himself next to her.  "Well Mel, we did it.  Today was quite a success if I do say so myself." he said as he  handed her another glass. "Yes, as much as I hate to admit it - we do make a very good team.  You know your stuff Mr. Jacobs." she replied and took a long sip of the Dom Perignon. "It's all about giving the people what they want." said Walter "But I think we could be very successful in our next endeavor."

Before Melinda even had a chance to respond, Walter grabbed her and pulled her into a kiss.  Her mind wanted to let out a protest, but the words wouldn't come out of her mouth.  Her body had taken over and she found herself surrendering to his lips. They were softer than she expected as his clean shaven face rubbed against hers.  She could feel him hardening against her and it excited her.  He broke the kiss and led her into the bedroom.  "Have you ever made love with a backdrop like this?" he asked.  The bedroom had a ceiling to floor windows and overlooked the entire city. It was a key selling point for the house and view was unsurpassed.  He sat her down on the bed and removed her shoes.  He was a little surprised to find she had stockings on.  His fingers traveled up her leg where he discovered they were attached by garters which he found incredibly hot.  He pulled her skirt up and slipped her panties down her legs.  He kissed the inside of her thighs and worked his way to her wet pussy. His tongue found her clit and started licking it very selectively. Melinda let out a small moan and Walter knew she was putty in his hands.

Melinda felt a little lightheaded from the champagne, but realized they were in the client's bedroom.  She stopped Walter "This is HIGHLY unethical" she said   "We are trying to sell this man's penthouse and you are trying to seduce me on his bed?" Walter replied with total exasperation."Shit Melinda, will you loosen up?  You may be the most uptight person I have ever encountered! The owner is not going to step foot back in this place.  Once it sells, he will have his people arrange the move and everything will be sent to the cleaners before it arrives at his new place.  Besides, this is the tackiest floral pattern I have ever seen. You could commit a double homicide on it and there the evidence wouldn't show.  I assure you on the prospect of my career nobody will find out. So turn off that brain of yours and cut loose for once in your life. Seriously Mel, don't you ever take chances or risks?"

Melinda had to admit she didn't. All her life she did everything by the book, but the sun was setting over L.A and her mind and body were reeling. She had the sexiest man she'd ever encountered with her skirt at her feet and if ever there was a time to let loose- it was now. She slowly unbuttoned her blouse and let it drop to the floor. She then proceeded to unpin her hair. Waves of red curls fell loose upon her bare shoulders and the removed her skirt.  Feeling oddly empowered, she slipped herself back into her Manalos. She stood before Walter with just her bra, garters and the a pair of one of the most expensive shoes she owned.  Walter stared in disbelief. "Holy fuck Melinda, where have you been hiding that body? It's phenomenal."

Melinda stood up and undid Walter's tie. She whispered to him "Ok, lets have some fun then." She took the tie and blindfolded him with it and the pushed Walter down on the bed. She knelt down and undid his belt buckle. She could see the bulge underneath his zipper and slowly unzipped his pants removing his boxer briefs at the same time. For a moment Melinda stood back to admire his raging hard on as the wetness between her own legs was increasing. She straddled his legs grabbed the base of his already throbbing cock and brought the tip to her lips. Slowly she allowed her tongue to trace its way along the vein, then flicked her tongue back and forth along it as she worked her way back up. She slid his cock into her mouth, allowing it to glide to the back of her throat. All those years choir and musicals in high school had taught her to relax her throat muscles and she was able practically swallow his cock whole. Alternately between sucking and licking; she had Walter going insane. His senses were igniting.

Melinda felt so in control and so nothing like herself. It was like an alter ego she never knew existed had taken over.  She could feel him reach the pinnacle of hardness. She pulled his cock out of her mouth and gave it a moment . "Oh my god Melinda, don't stop. I'm so fucking close." Walter gasped. Melinda replied "I know; that's why I stopped. I'm not through with you yet." 

Walter mind was blown among other things.  10 minutes ago, he was being lectured on ethics and now he certainly was breaching them.  He couldn't help it though.  He knew if he had let her walk out of that penthouse, he would never get his chance with her.  He had never done anything like this before.  His reputation was far too important, but he felt Melinda was someone worth taking that risk over. So now here he was lying venerable in a clients bed and blindfolded with his own tie.  He had been with many women, but so far this had to be one of the hottest experiences to date.  What was even hotter was how Melinda had finally let loose.  He had honestly expected her to be a bit of a flat lay although he really hoped that she wasn't.  The last thing he expected was for her to take control and by god did she ever. 

Melinda undid her bra and slowly slid her body against his. Her nipples hardened into stiff peaks as they dragged across his chest.  She had never been this excited in her life and Walter's groaning was just adding fuel to her fire.  She pulled the tie off his eyes so she could look into his eyes. She leaned in and gave him a passionate kiss then asked "ready for what's next?"  Not giving him time to respond, she proceeded to lower herself ever so slowly onto his cock, stopping just as the tip had been fully enveloped into her pussy.  Then she lifted herself off and repeated this action a few more times.  She may have been teasing him, but the pressure was mounting in her own clit and was dying for release.  At that moment, Walter had taken all the teasing he could.  He grabbed her & threw her down on her back.  He let his tongue travel south and found that her pussy was dripping wet.  He wasted no time and lapped at her clit like a dog who hadn't had water for days. Between his sucking, and nibbling Melinda couldn't hold back anymore.  She writhed against his face and she held his head so he wouldn't stop.  Her orgasm was earth shattering and she let out a loud scream of ecstasy.

Feeling rather pleased with himself, he came up to kiss Melinda. "Do you have any clue how fucking good you taste?" he asked breathlessly.  She admitted that she didn't and started to clean the residue of her orgasm off his face with her tongue. As she worked her way across his face, she discovered how sensitive his neck was.  He squirmed uncomfortably and instead of asking her to stop, he slammed his dick into her pussy.  Because she was so wet, there was very little resistance in entering her, but it took Melinda by surprise.  She let out a small yelp and Walter proclaimed "Now it's my turn to be in control baby."  Melinda had little choice but to surrender to him.

Walter pulled his out his cock of Melinda.  He took his tie and lightly tied her wrists to the bedpost. "If this gets to be too much, tell me to stop and I will."  Melinda could move her wrists, but this was something totally new to her.  She trusted him though and even if her mind wasn't sure; he whole pussy was aching for what was coming next. Walter traced circles around her nipples being exquisitely careful not to touch them. Melinda begged him to suck them, but he held fast in his tease.  His tongue traced a line from her breasts to her navel and then stopping just short of her clit. He loved the fact that her pussy had been waxed smooth and let his tongue explore that area as well.  Again he was careful not to touch her clit.  Melinda's whole body was longing for his touch, but he wouldn't indulge her no matter how much she begged. He decided to give her a taste of her own medicine.  As she had done to him, he let his cock slowly enter her pussy, but pulled it out once the tip was in.  He held tight and Melinda begged "Please Walter, oh my god.  I want this so bad, I want you so bad.  Please fuck me". "Your wish is my command my dear." and with that he slid his cock all the way in.  Despite all the teasing, she was still pretty tight.  Not so tight that he couldn't get it in, but tight enough that is felt divine to him.  "Is this what you want? he asked.  "If your pussy was any firmer. I'd probably blow my load right now." Melinda was caught up in all the different sensations going through her body, but she squeaked out a yes and begged for more.

He untied her wrists so that she had use of her hands,  Instinctively she grabbed his face and kissed him while running her fingers through her hair. Walter slowed the pace down significantly, trying to make this last as long as he could.  He didn't know what was going to happen once they locked the penthouse up; so he was going to enjoy her as long as he could. She wrapped her legs around Walter and surrendered herself to him.  With each thrust she pulled her hips up to meet him.  Melinda was amazed at how skilled he was in the bedroom.  She had never had a man excite her the way Walter was and she couldn’t get enough

She opened her eyes and took in her surroundings.  Walter's usually gelled back hair had fallen into his face and she wondered if he knew just how handsome it made him look. He was always so intense; but now in the throws of passion, he had a relaxed look she had never seen before. Melinda admired just how chiseled his body was on top of hers.  She loved how each muscle rippled  with each movement and the feel of his hips grinding into her was almost more than she could stand.  He was quite an amazing man and couldn't believe just how this whole thing came about.  She noticed Walter staring directly into her eyes with a slow sly smile and she couldn't hold out anymore.  As she came, waves of pleasure rushed through her body.  Never had she had an orgasm of that intensity and she found herself pinning Walter's hips to hers so that he wouldn't stop. Her whimpers turned into shouts of glorious ecstasy.  Walter took his cue and with one final thrust, came inside Melinda with a deep guttural moan. 

They laid there, both exhausted.  Walter was the first to speak. Melinda found herself not wanting to leave his arms. "Melinda, in and out of the office, you never cease to amaze me." He kissed the top of her head gently and Melinda felt herself blush, She was too enthralled in the moment and happy to care.  Looking at the clock, they realized that it was after 8 pm and there would be no reasonable explanation as to why they were still there. "Hit and run isn't my style Mel, but we really need to get going.”  Walter got up and brought a towel for Melinda to clean up with. She was still reeling from the encounter.  Within a few minutes, clothes were located and put on and the room was put back into "show" order.  They walked to the front door and Walter pulled Melinda in for one last kiss. "Here's to a great future - both personal and professional."  He walked her to her car and they went their separate ways.
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Walter laid in his bed and flipped through the sports channels.  He tried in vain to get his mind off Melinda, but was failing miserably. He had dropped the ball when he failed to invite her back and watched her drive off in her little BMW..  The truth was though, he really didn't know what to do next.  He had never found himself in this situation; wanting a woman as much as he wanted her and not just on a physical level.  Not that he minded the physical.  Once Melinda let down her guard she was a beast in bed. Never had a woman excited him to the level she had and he had been with a lot of women.  There was just this undeniable connection.  Everything about her felt right.  He was rich, successful and thought he had it all.  Now he realized that he was missing one key factor in his life and it was her.  Melinda filled a spot he never knew was empty.  He tried to figure out what he should do next.  Standard one night stand protocol would never do.  He couldn't just send her flowers with a "thanks for last night card with the expectation of never seeing her again.  He also knew that she would see their encounter as a lapse in judgment on her part and wouldn't let anything like that happen again.  She wasn't the one night stand type and he knew what he had to do.

Walters had been offered a partner position at the firm with the condition that he head up the Orange County office that had been in the works to open soon.  He had been reluctant to take it though because at that point he would be doing more brokering and less selling even though he would still retain his Beverly Hills clients.  While it would make it so he had no commute, the OC had a completely different clientele and a different feel to it.  The selling points were the beaches and the peninsulas.  Ocean front property always sold for a pretty penny, but the summer tourists tended to be a deterrent in sales unless you waned to pay HOA fees to live in exclusive gated communities with private beach access.  It wasn't even that he couldn't make the sales happen, he could sell an igloo in a blizzard.  He just liked the hustle and bustle of Los Angeles.  If he was going to have even a remote shot with Melinda though, he was going to have to take it.  He picked up the phone and called Jack Miller and accepted his offer,
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Tuesday morning, Melinda called in sick.  She wasn't really sure how to face Walter after the previous night's encounter. She had sex in a clients bed with a coworker.  What on earth had come over her?  Walter was making her lose her senses.  She didn't know where they stood or what was in store.  She tried hard not think about it, but she couldn't put Walter out of her mind.  She had fallen for him even though she had promised herself she wouldn't and now she had to face the reality of the situation.   It was nearly noon and he hadn't even so much as called or emailed her.  Would a quick text have hurt? He acted like he was really into her, but if so, why didn't he invite her back to his place?  She resigned herself to the fact that she was indeed just another corner of the market he hadn't tackled,   It really bothered her though that she cared.

Melinda called the office to check in.  Upon finding everything was status quo, she answered  a few emails then booked the rest of the afternoon at the spa.  A massage, facial and mani/pedi should would at least cure what ailed outwardly.  She wasn't about to let Walter know that he he was killing her inside.  She'd march into the office tomorrow looking fabulous and do her best to blow him off just as he was doing to her today. That was the plan at least. The following day, she got herself to work early  determined to make the best of the situation. She was still feeling the sting of rejection though and it was a hard pill to swallow. She had managed to avoid Walter most of the day, until he called her into her office. Melinda made a quick stop into the ladies room to make sure her hair was perfect and that she looked her best. 

She casually strolled into Walter's office and stood in from of his desk. "There you are Melinda. I wanted to talk to you yesterday, but I guess you were under the weather?" he asked.  "Yes" she stammered, "I think the stress of the month had just caught up with me."  "Well Mel, I have a few things I needed to discuss with you." Melinda interrupted him.  "If this is about business then I can meet with you later as I'm really swamped today.  If it's about Monday night; well there really isn't anything to discuss.  it is what it is."   Walter was taken a little aback by her abruptness.  "Well we did get a solid offer on Pallazo De Terra yesterday.  I'm just waiting to hear back from the seller." "Yes" Melinda responded "I know this already. My assistant forwarded me your message.  Is there anything else?"  Melinda grabbed her phone trying to look like she had as if she were checking her schedule. Walter got up and closed his door. "Well, yes actually there is.  You are the first in the office to know besides Jack.  He offered me a partnership with the company and I'm transferring to Orange County to run that office.  After the first of the month I'll no longer be in this office save for the times I meet with my Beverly Hills clientele.  I haven't even told my assistant Brad yet, but I doubt he'll follow me down south."  All the color drained from Melinda's face.  She felt a little weak and Walter helped her to a chair.  "Wow, this is rather sudden isn't it Walter?  Is this how you deal with fucking a coworker?  You transfer so you don't have to see her again? You are a real piece of work Walter Jacobs!"  Melinda really wasn't sure where this rage was coming from, but the words were flowing from her mouth before her brain had time to stop it.  "Oh my god Melinda, you have it all wrong.  You couldn't be further from the truth." Walter continued on.  "I took this promotion for you.  I knew that after Monday things couldn't be the same between us and I know how you feel about mixing personal and professional life."  He reached over and gingerly grabbed her face to get her full attention. "I've been with a lot of women Melinda and never in my life have I ever encountered one such as you.  You are smart. beautiful and certainly know how to keep me on my toes.  I'd dare say I'm falling in love with you.  Thoughts of you constantly invade my mind.  I have wealth, I have power, but I don't have the one thing that makes it all worth while and that is you. You have rebuffed my every advance which is why I had Jack put us togther on the penthouse." Melinda's head was spinning from too much information coming at her too fast. 

"Wait a minute.  YOU had Jack put me on that sale with you?  Why, because of the Cameron deal fell through?  Prince Walter to the rescue of the poor sales agent that couldn't make a sale?"  Melinda was seething.  "Damnit Melinda, get ahold of yourself. It isn't like that at all.  The only way I could get close to you is if we worked together.  Admit it.  If I had pitched you Pallazo De Terra myself, you would have turned on your pretty little designer heel and stormed away in a huff."  Melinda had to admit he was right.  Up until a week ago, she tried to avoid associating with him as much as possible.  "I knew this, so I asked Jack to pitch it. It was my sale to with as I pleased and Jack agreed.  You know what though; professionally we made a great team.  The owner of the building thought your presentation was magnificent.  When I transfer down south, I am pretty sure it is you that the owner is going to call for his next sale. Is it a bonus that I helped you make a great connection?  I think it is, but you can take it any way you want.  If I weren't so captivated by you, I'd offer you a professional partnership, but that isn't what I want Melinda.  I want you in a personal partnership.  I want to come home and know that you are the one I'm going to fall asleep next to.  I want to wake up with you tangled in my arms.  I want you to be my girlfriend so the next time we hit some over-rated restaurant, I can tell the world you are the best thing that has ever happened to me Melinda Wentworth. 

Melinda was stunned.  Out of every scenario she had run through her head; none of them ended this way.  "Then why didn't I even get so much as a text from you yesterday? I felt like just another one of your flings.  It really hurt.  Now you are professing your love to me?  I...I don't even know what to say Walter."  She could feel hot tears beginning to stream down her face. Walter pulled out a handkerchief and wiped her face.  "I don't know Mel, this is strange territory for me.  I've always focused on career thinking a relationship would have been a distraction.  I really didn't think sending you flowers was the way to go, that would have set tongues wagging throughout the office.  Am I a rat bastard for not calling you?  Yes.  Yes I am,  I just didn't even know what to say.  For once I was at a total loss because I have never felt the way I feel about you before."  Walter leaned in to kiss Melinda and just as their lips were about to touch, his phone rang. "Talk about timing."

Walter grumbled as he fumbled to get his phone out of its holster.  "Walter Jacobs.  Oh yes, Hi Jacque, how are you?  You are calling me with good news right?  Really?  That is fantastic.  Great, I'll let the broker know we have a deal and will have Brad fax you the paperwork within the hour.  What?  Yes of course I'll tell her.  She's standing right here.  Pleasure doing business with you Jacque." Melinda didn't have to guess what the conversation was about.  She knew immediately that Pallazo De Terra had sold.  "We did it baby.  $500,000 more than the his ballpark asking price."  Walter without hesitation grabbed her and kissed her.  Melinda felt like she was dreaming.  She was brought back to reality when Walter broke the kiss   "Come on Ivy League, we need to celebrate.  You just made a big sale, lunch is on you."  He  led her out of the office and summoned his assistant "Fax the paperwork to Jacque and then hold my calls.  Melinda and I have some strategizing to do."  With that he, grabbed her hand, not caring who saw and they were out the door.  Melinda just came to the realization that within a thirty minute time span, it had all come together for her.  She had was part of the best sale of her career and the man she couldn't stop thinking about had just professed his love for her. Not a bad way to end what started as the worst day of her career a week ago!


Sunday, June 17, 2012

ruin is the road to transformation - aka feeling sorry for myself

I always complain that I never get time to myself.  Then when I get it - I'm lost.  Having these 2 broken toes isn't helping matters.  I'm kind of stuck without transportation.  At least that's my excuse this weekend.  All I've done is feel sorry for myself and indulged in bad delivery food and too much crap tv on a big ass tv that I overpaid my ex for. 

Seriously.  Yesterday I spent a good three hours watching a show about an ex Amish guy out in the world of the English.  This was followed by reruns of Jerseylicious, Chicagolicious and then Crazy Stupid Love.  Today is worse.  A marathon of Real Housewives (nothing like a bunch of self absorbed women with too much cash to make you either feel worse or better about yourself).  Then I watched That Thing You Do.  I don't feel bad about that - it's my all time favorite movie.  Then I got whammied by Julia Roberts.  Stupid Eat Pray Love.

Ms. Roberts always seems to pop up when I feel at my lowest.  Now I will be the first to say I hate chick flicks.  I HATE them.  It sets us up for wanting for a love that doesn't exist.  A happy ending that isn't attainable.  For me - they are not an escape.  They are a reminder of how shitty I have let my life get.  How I have been up since 6:30 am text fighting with my ex over the fact that I couldn't take Gman today because I have 2 broken toes & no food in which to feed him.  About how at 41, I live with 2 guys.  1 who is a peter pan at 32.  Who comes in at 3 am with drunk friends in tow who keep me awake & piss me off to the point where I slam a door into my foot & break said toes.  The other is a fat ass slob who pees on a the floor & doesn't seem to care that the bathroom we share smells like a back alley that the homeless use to relieve themselves. How in 2 weeks the divorce will be final & I don't know what the hell I am going to do with myself.

Yeah - I really don't know how to deal with too much time to myself.  I don't do well without structure.  I don't do well when I have too much time to actually be alone with my thoughts.  The thoughts that swirl in my head that I don't know how to quiet.  I have tried praying but my faith isn't there.  How can I ask God for help when things are bad when I don't praise him when things are good?  I tried to just have a talk with him everyday, but got disheartened because things kept getting worse.  Why should an almighty being help me out when there are far more needy than me.  I have tried meditation, but again - can't quiet my head.  It starts out "OK - I am going to meditate. Let's quiet the mind. The mind. the mind.  mind on my money. money on my mind.  DAMNIT - that is not focusing.  Focus, focus. I can't focus.  I'm hungry - all I can focus on is how I want string cheese" and so on. 

So this stupid movie has me thinking.  It makes me question what I need to change in my life.   I know changes need to be made.  So much so I wrote an New Years post about it & have broken every resolution.  (Well I had taken up running until I broke my toes).  I don't know how to break my cycle. I had 6 weeks ot therapy trying to make me strong enough to stand up to the ex, but he has my son - so I don't think that cycle of control will ever break until I get a car which seems like never. Then there won't the issues of I don't want to hobble a total of a mile on my broken toes to get food.  The papers state I will have joint custody - it doesn't state it has to be at the ex's.

So if it true that  ruin is the road to transformation - I am the next candidate for Extreme Makeover. I seem to have the ruin part down pat - bring on the transformation.  We however know given my past history- when the casting call is issued - I'll probably miss the audition.





Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Getting Away with Murder. Original Fiction

Dante, stop.  Don’t hit me again or else.”  “Or else what?”  Dante questioned  “You’ll leave me?  You won’t leave me you stupid bitch,  You are nothing without me.  What will you do, go back to the streets where I found your ass?  I married you because you are a pretty face a good fuck.  You look good on my arm at functions. Seen and not heard.  Other than that, you are a waste of space.”  I’ll call the cops.” Gia replied.  “Oh will you now? Do you think the cops are going to believe a trophy wife over me – the Mayor? I have the police chief in my back pocket.  Jesus, you really are a stupid whore”  Dante pushed her down onto the bed and out of his way and left the room.  “Or I’ll kill you.” Gia muttered under her breath when he was out of earshot.

Just a few short years ago, Gia was a waitress by day so that she could go to cattle calls and pursue her dream of modeling.  She had olive skin, long, black, wavy hair and translucent green eyes.  She was beautiful even by supermodel standards, but she lacked refinement. She was a little too street for the world of high fashion, so she made ends meet at The Jade Palace.  Gia was lucky in that she never had to work the main floor and dance on the poles for the heathen masses.  Her looks allowed her to work in the Sultan Room catering to high end clientele. She was always in demand by the kind who didn’t want people to know they frequented such establishments.  The kind like Dante Franco.

Dante was a self made man.  There were rumors that he backed certain mob bosses and was paid handsomely for it. Because he knew the right people to flash his cash at; he was able to buy his way onto the city counsel and eventually mayors seat. He had a way of making those who opposed him disappear and he basically owned the city.  Dante liked expensive toys and things of beauty and Miss Gia Carmine fit the latter.  He used the excuse of “making sure the clubs were following regulations” as to why he could almost always be found at various strip clubs.  When he came into the Jade Palace, he was ushered into the Sultan’s Room, where he encountered Gia for the first time.  She was on a revolving round bed in the center of the room engaged in the act of masturbation and it was standing room only around her.  As the music hit it’s climaxed, so did she and soon the red sheets were covered in green bills. The Jade Palace had a very strict no touching policy, but for the right amount of money, Ms. Gia could be your exclusive dancer for the evening.  There was always a bidding war for her attention and thanks to the tax payer’s dollars; Gia soon became the Mayor’s favorite.  Dante would come in several times a week and lavished her in cash and cocktails. Eventually he tired of having to fight for her attention and moved her into the Mayor’s mansion where he could get touch her to his hearts content and not have to throw dollar bills at her.. 

In the beginning it was great.  As long as she put out for Dante which she didn’t mind; she wanted for nothing.  Designer clothes, handbags and a personal hairdresser were just some of the perks that came from being at Dante’s side.  Gia had to admit she was attracted to his power and prestige. It was a turn on to know that the man she was falling for could snap his fingers and change the fate of the city.  It wasn’t a bad gig for a girl who formerly stripped to make ends meets and Gia didn’t hesitate to answer yes when he proposed to her.

Two weeks after the wedding, Dante let his true color fly. Gia had forgotten to remind the housekeepers about a spot on the carpet Dante had told her about.  He flew off the handle, threw her into the wall and hit her with a barrage of cursing and insults. She had called the police, but when the officers arrived, he turned it around on her making it seem like she was the one who attacked him. He had asked the police not to press charges though. It would make for some very bad publicity for him and it was an election year after all.  Once the cops left, he dragged Gia into the bedroom by her hair, beat her with a belt and told her if tried she tried a stunt like that again -  he’d break her fingers so she couldn’t ever dial the phone again. After that incident he was a bit more meticulous about his methods of abuse.  He couldn’t leave marks because he didn’t trust her. He worked too hard to have some stripper slut who didn’t listen to bring down his empire.

Now they were just shy of their third anniversary and she feared she wouldn’t live see it .He had punched her in the side of the head and it was throbbing. Gia walked to the kitchen and got some ice, hoping to numb the pain.  When the pain subsided enough that she could think clearer, she did the only thing she could think of to do to get him back.  She went down to the park to give Dante’s money to the homeless.  Dante despised the homeless and was trying to get a law passed to get them banned from the Metro Park where they all seemed to congregate. The park was near the train station and was usually a good spot to extract people’s spare change.  The more Dante hit Gia, the more she could be seen walking through the park chatting up the homeless. Lately she had been a common sight there.

She stopped and chatted with Fred.  He was her favorite of the down trodden.  Mostly because he was the most respectful to her.  He didn’t catcall or holler at her like of others in the park.  Fred used to be a successful investor until his company clashed with one of Dante’s Dante’s company took over Fred’s, fired all the personnel and now Fred slept on a park bench.  He had used up the last of his savings months ago and now begrudgingly had to accept charity from strangers in order to eat. He and Gia talked for about a half an hour. “It’s going to be cold tonight.  Why don’t you use this to get a room for the night? It’s the least I can do for you”  She handed him two bills and walked back towards her car. 

When she got home, she wasn’t surprised to see the bouquet of red roses and that familiar blue box that Dante thought always made everything better.  She read the card attached to the flowers “Sorry about earlier baby, thought you would look stunning in this necklace tonight.”  Gia paled when she remembered she was supposed to attend some fundraising dinner with Dante that evening. Quickly she called her doctor to have him come declare her too ill to attend.  She did love that she had a medical concierge at her disposal.  An hour later, she was in bed diagnosed with a terrible stomach bug with doctored ordered instructions to stay put.

When Dante got home, he was furious to find her lounging in bed.  He was ready to punch her upside the head again, but thought better of it when Gia told her the doctor would be back later to check in on her.  She explained it was either a contagious stomach virus or food poisoning.  Either way, it would look really bad to the hosts if she had to excuse herself to throw up every 15 minutes.  Not that he would admit it, but he was slightly relieved he didn’t have to deal with her tonight.  If he had to listen to her try to sound like she had a clue as to what she was talking about, he would be apt to put her head through the windshield.  He got ready for the party, called for his car & kissed Gia good-bye.  She knew he was just going through the motions, but to keep sanity in the household, she straightened his tie and kissed him back.  She apologized again for her inability to attend and sent him out the door. 

When the car was long gone, Gia drew herself a hot bath and submerged herself in a sea of bubbles. She soaked for what felt like an eternity and it was divine. Feeling relaxed for the first time in ages, she stepped out of the tub and headed to bed.  She would have the bed to herself for a good part of the evening, so she stretched out in the middle, pulled the blankets up to her chin and fell into a deep slumber.  Around 12:30 am, she heard the phone ringing.  She roused herself awake and fumbled for her phone. She answered with a very soft “hello?”  On the other  end was Police Chief Jenkins.  “Mrs. Franco, there has been an incident involving your husband.  He is being taken to Memorial right now.” “What, oh my god.  What happened?” Gia sounded shock and tried to suppress a sob. “Well” Jenkins continued, “It seems as though he was attacked by a homeless man shortly after he left his fundraiser.  It appears to be robbery gone awry.  Mr. Franco’s wallet was on the ground and the perp had two five hundred dollars bills and Mr. Franco’s money clip.  Your husband shot the perp,  but only after he had sustained a few gaping stabs wounds.  The perp didn’t survive the shooting.  Just a moment Mrs. Franco.  This is Jenkins, copy.  WHAT?  Son of a bitch.  Yes I have his wife on the line.  I’ll let her know.”   Jenkins took a deep breath ”Mrs Franco, are you still there?”  “Yes”, Gia replied. “I’m so sorry, Mrs. Franco, your husband has passed en route to hospital.  There are not words to describe how his loss will affect our city.  I’m so sorry” “Thank you Chief.  I will be there shortly”  was all she could manage to eek out..

She hung up the phone and dropped to her knees.  Not to cry over the loss of her husband, but to pray for Fred,  She paid him to take Dante out and given Fred’s past with Dante, the investigation would be short and sweet.  She put on the diamond necklace that Dante had given her earlier that day, got dressed and headed to the hospital to indentify the body.

Gia had just gotten away with murder.

Thursday, May 10, 2012

50 Shades of a Soap Box Rant

I admit it.  I bought into the hype.  I tore through the first book like wildfire.  I couldn't put book two down.  I am half way through book three and now I am just irritated.  Mostly because of a fight with the ex - but then my brain starts to reel and well we all know where that leads.

It takes mature themes to a "respectable" level because it isn't the Harlequin romance with the damsel in distress and Fabio ripping his shirt of read.  Not that there is anything wrong with that - just not what a lot of women would be caught dead reading on the bus as it were.  It has put the genre of erotica into the spot light because everyone is talking about it.  The series has the top spot of 5 categories of the New York Times Best Sellers list.  Ms. James made it OK to want to read sex.  In the most liberal country in the world - we can't be naked, we can't talk about sex and we certainly can like it without shame.

So here is where my beef starts.  Now granted most of us do not encounter a 27 year old gorgeous billionaires who becomes instantly smitten with us.  Yes I know - it's fiction.  Think back to your first time.  Maybe it was with someone you truly loved, maybe it was the after prom rite of passage or maybe it was in your driveway in the front seat of a Mercury Cougar.  No matter where it was - I can almost bet it was painful.  Almost excruciating for those of us who were uptight and never got further that allowing an occasional feel to be copped.  There was no earth shattering, mind blowing, life changing orgasm.  Not the first time, not the second, third or 20th time and not from good old fashioned missionary position.  Again - speaking from personal experience and hoping you can relate.  Mine was on top with 5th guy I had sex with with and it was an accident - a good accident - but one nonetheless.  I have slept with some exceptionally gorgeous men who had it going on - but I have never come from missionary position.  Sorry to all my exes who may be reading this - yes I am a great actress too.  So it just seems far fetched to me that Ms. Mousy literary geek who has never so much as touched herself - not only had an orgasm on the 1st try, but could have sex the rest of the weekend and not only walk, but also not complain about how sore she was.  After that - I am ok with the rest of the sexual encounters.  It is after all fiction.

The rest is a very scary undercurrent of abuse and control.  We understand Grey's need to for control, we understand his abused past and sympathize with what possesses his personality to be the way it is. We want Grey and Ana to weather the storm and live happily ever after.  Would we be so sympathetic if it was Jack who makes minimum wage at Jiffy Lube and controls Diane's every move?  When he insists on knowing where she is at all times and gets pissed of when Diane disobeys his commands?  When Jack feels the need to punish Diane because she went out after promising she'd stay home?  Hell no!!! We would be on our high horses pulling for Diane to leave Jack's ass and never look back.  We don't see it as abuse in Ana's case because we pull for that happily ever after.  We want her to make Grey complete and heal the wounds that are gaping.  In the end though, it's a case of CO-DEPENDENCY wrapped in a pretty package.  Ana feels she needs to be with Grey, she loves him, she cannot be without him yet she is frustrated by his smothering tendencies. But she loves him and she deals with it.  After she leaves him in the 1st book, the second book picks up with her miserable.  She can't eat or sleep.  She is consumed with grief over what has transpired and even though she asked him to show her what he was capable of, got freaked out and left - she is miserable.  Again  - if it were Diane - we would applaud her courage.  We would want to empower her and show her she can be loved by someone who doesn't need to control a woman in & out of the bedroom.  We'd be singing "I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar".  No -  mousy little Ana who in 3 weeks who has been exposed to more than most of us in a lifetime, mousy Ana who never had a boyfriend before, mousy Ana who is in "love" with a fucked up billionaire will go back and they will work through it together.  He will continue to abuse his power and control her and she will let him because that is just how he is.  That is what irks me.

There are more Jack and Dianes than Ana and Greys.  There are more Dianes that are killed on a daily basis by a controlling significant other than Greys who somehow find restraint when he wants to beat her into submission.  There are more Jack's giving  black eyes and "I'm so sorry baby, but you drive me to it" than than Greys who say sorry with orgasms.  It is a slippery slope and again I know it's fiction - but a lot of women will read this book and think it's ok because it is fiction.  I just hope that while they pull for Ana, they pray for Diane.  I am sure the book ends with Ana's happily ever after.  Diane might not see tomorrow.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Trouble (another [mostly] fictional work)

I should have know the moment I laid eyes on him that he would be nothing but trouble. He was beautiful in a way most would find unappealing. He had long black hair and a long black goatee to match.  He looked like evil incarnate except for those soft, soulful brown eyes. His was a broken soul which was what probably drew me to him in the first place.  I was always thinking I could fix the damaged ones.

It takes a lot of balls to wear a Winnie the Pooh T-shirt with black leather pants at a gay club on "straight" night, but he was always unconventional. It was of course the first thing I noticed. He was nothing like the pretty boys who usually grabbed my attention and if they were lucky enough - would keep it for the evening. No, there was something different about him and my inner diva wasn't going to rest until I conquered him.  After all;  I almost always got what I wanted. I sauntered up to him in my miniskirt, patent leather boots and my t-shirt with a black patent leather heart on it.  I was sexy cute if such a description existed.  It was a combination few men could resist.  He would be not an exception. Small talk initiated, common ground found as we work in the same mall and the seeds of enchantment planted.  By the end of the night, I am making out with him under  the harsh lights of the bathroom hallway and I didn't care who saw.  Perhaps I should’ve cared since jealously will not only rear her ugly head, that head will be attached to one who despises me most.

The club scene was more cliquish than high school and almost had an inbredness about it.  After awhile it was hard to find anyone who hadn't slept with you, your best friend and her room-mate.   Loyalty was both paper thin and the strongest bond depending on whose side you were on. You could be despised simply for a friend's actions as I was.  Not that I really cared. It was simply fuel for my fire and my fire burned bright. I had no idea that she wanted him but at that point, I am sure she made it her mission to get him. For all I know, she already had him.  That was OK by me.  All is fair in lust and war.

Feeling rather proud of myself, I presented myself at his store the following day.  I was a bit perturbed to find out he barely remembered me and had no recollection of his tongue assaulting my mouth. My inner diva seethed, but my outer self remained cool. "No matter" I told him "I'm simply here for the lipstick".  Once it was paid for, I made sure to lock eyes with him and apply it slowly.  I licked my lips seductively and quipped "mmm....cherry" as I walked out of the store.  I didn't have to look back.  I could feel his eyes burning the back of my head.  The effect was not lost on him - nor was the lesson.  He would have a good 24 hours to ponder his mistake as it was Friday.  Friday was the day of rest in our club circuit. The night to recover from Wednesdays and Thursdays indiscretions and prepare oneself for Saturday.

If Wednesday is the script reading. Thursday is the dress rehearsal. Saturday is day night of the show. It is the night you wear your best, you look your best and quite frankly you are your best.  I had bigger fish to fry than worrying about a miscreant who couldn't remember kissing me.  In fact, I wasn't even thinking about him.  Instead every sense of my being to tell me skip the party I was planning on attending prior to the club. I never listen to myself but that night I did.  I go to the club solo and everything that could go wrong that night does. Psycho boys giving me love poetry, every ex boyfriend I ever had at the club so show up and I discover why my spidey senses were tingling. My enemy's best friend shows up on the arm of the DJ I thought I was dating.  Apparently they had become exclusive that night and the party was their time to announce it to the world. I am sick to my stomach and too drunk to consider driving home.  Two disses in two days is more than my inner diva can take. I do what any self-centered beauty would do - I order up another very strong drink and go to the couches and pout.  The goddesses of clubbing are not on my side that night and I am ready to chalk it up as a loss....until he strolls in.  He is kind of like my black night in tarnished armor.  Under any other circumstances, I would have told him to fuck off but I am weak and my fragile ego is bruised.

He sits down next to me and I coldly ask him why he is sitting next to me when he could barely remember me? By this time, the amount of alcohol I have consumed and my emotions conspire against me and I just  cry.  The kind of cry that only makes sense when you are drunk and feeling sorry for yourself.  He apologizes for Thursday night by offering up excuses of drunkenness and pain killers.  He tells me his coworkers admonished him for forgetting such a detail and he wipes the tears from my eyes.  Tilting my chin up so that I am forced to look at him with probably the most acute case of raccoon eyes - he then kisses me.  It isn't the "drunken I don't care who is watching" kind of kiss.  It is one that feels genuine. I can sense he really feels bad and I am too weak to stay mad.  I surrender myself to his lips and because of the intoxication, I allow myself to be lost in the moment. Very few people can cause me to lose control of my sense of self, but I feel hypnotized in a sense.  I am no longer pouting.  I lead him, he who I despised hours before, out of the club and back to my car.  He will come home with me.  We will have very primal, passionate sex. I will wake up in the morning and he will be there next to me and I will be overcome with a feeling I can't comprehend.  I mean he isn't the first club boy I have woken up next to the next day. Even after a serious live-in boyfriend a couple of relationships on the side - nothing has ever felt as real as it does right then. My spidey senses should have been telling me to run, but instead it seems to be as enthralled with him as I am.

                                                                  *********/***********

From that moment on, we are an unspoken item. We are inseparable for the most part. I parade him around like the freak trophy he is and he brings me food when I am working 12 hour mall shifts.  We talk all the time.  When I am not with him, he is all I think about.  My mother does not approve.  My room-mate despises him and my friends just don't get it.  On one hand it is an extremely sexual relationship.  He excites parts of me that had never been stirred, but there is more to it than that.  I feel connected to him in every way, shape and form.  What I don't know, is that while I am pining for him when we are apart - he is with her.  Probably making her feel the same way. Feeding her the same lines. Telling her we are just friends and not to over react much like he tells me.  I know he is lying to me, but I am in too deep and have lost control. He will ask me to move out of state with him and I will answer yes and not think twice. I have to wonder now if he was ever going to tell me he asked the same of her.  Eventually it will come to a head and I will give up the fight..  I do not have the time to fight this fight nor do I have the energy.  He has sucked out my soul and I feel as though I am a shell of person. 

He will call and I will ignore him.  When I finally have no tears left to cry, I agree to meet him downtown.  We meet a biker bar of all places.  He is already drunk. I am yet again immune to him.  My head is saying NO NO NO, but my body yearns for him.  I take him home and he throws up in my car.  He swears they are done and I am the only one he wants to be with.  I fall for it and nurse him back to sober.  I don't entirely trust him, but I need him.  I do keep him at arms length though.  The following week after not hearing from him - I resign myself yet again to be done.  I run into her at the club.  We hug and exchange apologies for every letting a man come between the bonds of womanhood.  They are the falsest platitudes ever spoken.  She plays nice because she knows she is there with him tonight.  He is with his friend whom I will bed at a later date in hopes it gets back to him.  Somehow he does it again.  I guess my platitudes are false because there is so much tension that we don't even make it my apartment. 

We get as far as my little hatchback.  We are all over each other.  Our needs can not be satiated and somehow we manage to get it on in hatch.  Not an easy accomplishment when one person is over 6 feet tall and all legs.  The Charger is rocking, my ass is plastered to the back window offering maybe the few who haven't seen me naked a free glimpse.  Our bodies are entwined, our breathing is heavy and I feel like there is nothing else in the world except the two of us Then we hear it.  She is running frantic around the parking lot looking for him.  He has her keys, I am have him.  Once we hear the shrieks of what sounds like a banshee diminish - we head back to my place to finish what we started.  A mad, pensioned, fevered lust.  Perhaps it is so intense because it is a grudge fuck.  Perhaps because I know I loved him and she wanted him just so I couldn't.  Maybe subconsciously I know this is the end.  The morning sun rises and it hits me that after everything he has told me, swearing a week ago they were done - he went to the club with her.  If I hadn’t shown up, he would have fucked her last night instead of me.  I take him back to her car and tell him I never want to see him again and drive off.  It is the most liberating thing I have ever done and yet my heart is broken.  I am however; finally free of trouble.



Sunday, April 29, 2012

A Work in Progress - Original Fiction by KLW

Lane woke up flushed and a little disoriented. Realizing she was in her bed; she was able to ascertain that it was just a dream. A dream about him. It wasn't the first time she romantically liasoned with him in her slumber and probably not the last time either. She layed there for a few more minutes trying to recall how his lips felt on hers. It seemed so real. "Snap out of it Lane" she told herself. She knew she was out of his league and being a co-worker made it even more unattainable.

She got out of bed and checked her clock. 6:25 - she dallied in bed too long and now there was no time for a shower. She attempted to run a brush through her unruly blonde curls but it just made it frizzier. Into a ponytail it went and she cursed the fact that she didn't straighten it the night before. She proceeded to dress, brush her teeth and put on a smattering of make-up. A touch of lipgloss and she was good to go. "Good enough for who it's for" she proclaimed, as she took one last glance before running out the door to catch her bus.

She listened to a sports talk podcast on her commute in. This provided an excuse to not to have to talk to strangers and the football talk took her mind of that dream. Twenty minutes later she arrived at work. Baker and Jones was nationally renowned law firm where she was a junior paralegal. Her object of desire was Jackson Marks; an attorney who was making quite a name for himself in the office. His writing skills were unparalleled and he was brilliant. He had a soft spoken demeanor and wasn't loud an aggressive like so many other attorneys in the office. He was also 10 years her junior, but that didn't stop the feelings she felt for him.

Squired away in the comfort of her office, she was pretty sure she wouldn't see Jackson unless they passed in the halls. Upon opening her email, she discovered Marge the receptionist was going to be out. That was three days in a row now.This meant Lane would be covering the front desk and Jackson would pass by her multiple times that day. His soft blue eyes, his crisp white shirt. the scent of his cologne that drove her crazy..."Damnit Lane - it's never going to happen - get a grip on yourself!" She gathered her belongings and headed to the front.

"Is Marge out again?" Jackson asked? Lane tried to control her flush that she felt rising from below her collar. Just a few short hours ago, they were kissing in a rainstorm. She had to initiate the kiss because he was so reserved, but the passion was undeniable. Reality checked back in and she responded "Yes Jackson, she is. You will have to suffer through me yet another day" It was his turn to blush. "What, no, I ,i didn't mean it like that. You, you your fine up here. I was just curious about Marge" he stammered. He had such a social awkwardness that was endearing. She managed to get through the day as the the phones had been busy all day. It was a very welcome distraction. While her own work was piling up, she knew she would be in over the weekend to make up her billable hours.

-------- *---------
Saturday morning Lane woke up refreshed. She couldn't remember her any of her dreams last night, but then again she didn't have to wrestle with her feelings for Jackson at that moment either. She went into the bathroom and started the water for her shower, She undid the bun from the top of her headand let the pile of loose curls fall to her shoulders. She took a long look at herself in the mirror. She didn't look bad for 40. Most people guessed her age to be much younger and she was quite content with that idea. A 30 year old attorney could do much worse than her. Once the mirror started to fog, she removed her clothes and stepped into the shower. She let the water stream across her body and drifted back into that dream. They were trying to get out the the door to for their date, but every obstacle imaginable kept stumbling in their way. Through every twist and turn, he stayed at her side smiling that soft smile of his. Determined to make this date happen, she grabbed his hand and pulled him out the door. He looked a little shock at her aggressiveness, but never let go of her hand. Once they were outside, they discovered it was raining hard and neither of them had an umbrella. He looked down at her kind of at a loss as to what to do next since they were supposed to walk to their destination. Lane did the only thing she could think of at that time. Everything else had gone wrong that night - what did she have to lose? She grabbed his face and kissed him. To her surprise, he kissed her back. Slow and tentative at first then building into a passion that Lane had not experience in ages. The rain fell hard around them, but neither seemed to notice. The rain felt cold on her skin and she lapsed back into reality when she realized it was the shower that was cold and not the rain. How long had she been in there? She washed her hair quickly, then applied her conditioner. She lathered herself up as the conditioner set in & rinsed both/ A quick once over with the razor before the hot water ran out and she hopped out of the shower and into her robe.

It was already warm for May, so she dressed in a tank top and a pair of skinny jeans. She still had a bit of time before she had to be to work, so she straightened the her hair so it wouldn't frizz in the humidity. She really wasn't sure why she was making such an effort. Chances were that she would be the only one in the office. On the weekends she usually just came in with yoga pants and a tshirt on, but something was telling her to spruce it up a bit. She put on her flats, grabbed her iPod and her purse headed out the door. When she arrived at work, she was indeed the only one there. She loved working on Saturdays. She could put her earbuds in, blast her music and grind out the work without constant interruptions the normal work week brought.

The Higgins case was going to trial in two weeks and she needed to put together several witness folders. She looked for the file, but having not been in her office for three days any number of people could have it now. She looked up who was on the case and saw it was Tom Phillips and Jackson Marks. Ah Jackson, but she had work to do and did not have time to daydream about a silly crush that a woman her age had no business having. She went into Mr. Phillips office and it wasn't there. That meant Jackson had it. She headed down the hall to his office. His office had an almost sterile feel to it. He had his degree in Business from USC, his JD from Columbia and a small painting on the walls. He had just one bookcase, two chairs and his desk. Other than some hand sanitizer, his desk only had neatly stacked piles of work. Not even a pen cup. Lane found it curious that there was not a single personal memento in his office. No pictures of friends, family, a girlfriend.

Out of the corner of her eye. she caught movement. Startled, she turned around to see Jackson standing in the doorway. "Oh my God, you scared the hell out me Jackson" She noticed he was in a pair of pair of basketball shorts and a dri-fit shirt that formed to his chiseled chest. There was a lot more muscle to him than she imagined. He was tall and lanky, but very well built. Lane found herself blushing harder. "So what brings you in on a Saturday?" she asked trying to regain her composure. "The Higgins case. I have to finish up my motions in limine before the trial starts. And what brings you into my office on a Saturday? he asked. "The same. I was looking for the Higgins file to finish up my witness folders". He made his way into his office, and pulled the redwell from under a stack of papers. "Here you go" he said and their fingers brushed each other as he handed it over. Lane felt like a lightning bolt had struck her. So much electricity from one small touch. "If you need anything from the file, just come and grab it from my desk" she said and went back to her office.

Once at her desk, Lane replayed that whole scene in her mind. Jackson smelled so good. A mix of sweat and his cologne made her weak at the thought. He must have just come from the gym. She thought about that brief moment when their skin made contact. It seemed to have taken Jackson by surprise. Did he feel the same wave of energy she did? What was it about him anyways? She didn't really have time to ponder that question "These witness folders aren't going to make themselves" she muttered and plugged her earbuds and buried herself in her work. About an hour and half later, she looked up and there was Jackson standing in her doorway. She startled at the sight of him and asked "Uhm, how long have you been standing there?' "Long enough to hear you sing "Hit Me With Your Best Shot" he replied with a wicked grin she had never seen before. "You sing well" he said. Lane must have turned fifteen shade of red. "Do you need your file back?' She asked. "No, I just stopped by to see if you wanted to grab some lunch. It looks like we both may be here for awhile today and I'm starving". It took her a minute to process this. Did Jackson just ask her out? Trying not to seem to eager despite her insides screaming YES YES YES, she responded with a casual "Sure, there's a place down the street that has great vegetarian dishes." "How did you know I was a vegetarian? he asked. "That's what's makes me a great paralegal" she said with a smile.

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Another Chapter - Literally!

All my life I have longed to be creative and artsy.  I have always been less than successful.  I got a D in home ec because I couldn't sew.  My 9th grade art teacher begged me not to take his class because my art skills were so poor - I did anyways - I got a big fat F.  I once made a 1 successful line of jewelry except that once I finished that line, I couldn't come up with anything original.  I also discovered a friend of mine was also making jewelry and her necklaces made mine look like macaroni necklaces.  I even took a photography class only to have it hammered home - I am not creative.

Then came along this blog. A simple little creative tidbit that has made a huge impact on my life.  I have gotten no negative feed back on it (although I welcome it).  I have been applauded for my brutal honesty.  I have been complimented on how well written it is. I have caught many of you off guard with a change in story style such as "A Letter to Me".  I have been told that a year from when I started, I should submit this as a humor book. Mostly though - I have been told how well people relate to my stories. I refuse to write to fill my pages with fluff and will only post if inspiration strikes or if I want to share. I want to be able to satiate my need for creativity while giving you something worthwhile to read.  This blog has gone a completely different way than I envisioned it and it couldn't be more satisfying to me.

Now I really don't fancy myself a writer. I'm an Irish Leo which means that I can tell an awesome story with a lot of flourish - that's all.  My  friend SaucyWriterGirl has been doing this for years and her dream of getting published has recently came true. She is my mentor and I hope to not disappoint!  She is after all the driving force that led to the blog in the first place!  My writing is still in it's infancy stage, but she is persuading me to expand the boundaries of this little blog.  To try my hand at a short story or two.  To pull my inspiration from my torrid past, to funnel my needs and desires that are not being met into a character that can have her happy ending.  To try my hand at a romance or an even juicier erotica bit.  Who knows where it will lead.

So my keyboard is my paintbrush and this blog is my canvas.  Here's to seeing what colorful creations I can create as I paint with words.  Now if I could only get past the 4th paragraph of the story I have started,,,,,

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Words Hit Harder Than Your Hand

If you look at her face, you will see no bruises. The only scars you will see are self or accident inflicted. She has no broken bones by his hand, but it doesn't change the face of abuse.

Do not be fooled; verbal abuse packs a powerful punch.  Only your psyche and your soul are bruised while you smile and pretend everything is fine.  One can only be called a stupid fucking moron so many times.  One can only be controlled for so long.  One starts to doubt themselves because if the one who promised to love her to death do us part tells he she is worthless - then she must be.  Why else would he say such cruel things to her?  Her mistake was perhaps trying to cater to his need in the beginning because that's what you do when you love someone.  She just really can't remember when he stopped catering to her.  When the nice gestures suddenly became make or break demands.  When  did he lose the capability of doing things on his own? 

He will tell her she isn't needed and make exaggerated gestures to show that he CAN do things on his own just to make her feel - well worthless.  She will then try harder to prove her worth and the pressure will make her crack.  She will walk in eggshells trying to try to stay on his good side. She won't.  The dishes might not get done because she worked all day and was tired and there will be hell to pay at 4 am when he goes to make coffee.  She might not be able to figure out what's for dinner & be berated because she made pan fried chicken again.  She will be called names, be belittled and cannot voice her opinion because he will come back and point out everything she has done wrong, failed to follow through on or flat out failed at & then tell he she deserved it.  She will never be right and he will never be wrong. 

She may even become physically abusive to him.  It is equally as wrong as she leaves marks, but sometimes it is the only defense mechanism she has. She could block a punch, but his words pierce her heart & all she can do is lash out with her fist.  She will hit him, scratch him, kick him and he will call her more names, tell her she is unstable and how the household is better off without her chaos.  He may make her sleep on a slide for a night to teach her a lesson, or sleep in the car until he wakes up & demands coffee.  She may leave him, but she will come back because the devil you know isn't nearly as scary as the devil you don't.

Again, she will bear no visible marks, but she will be proverbally bleeding out on the inside.  Nobody knows except maybe the neighbors who can hear everything, but act like there is nothing going on.  It's none of their business.  Then - when it is FINALLY over - everyone will say "Really, you two are divorcing?  You two seemed like such a good couple."  .

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

A Few Things Being a Mom Has Taught Me.

I have a boy.  The most amazing 5.75 year old you ever did meet. He is a grade level smarter than the grade he is in, he is handsome, he has manners & he has taught me a few of the following things:

Body Humor is Funny. 
It doesn't matter if it is a burp (yours or his) a fart (again yours or his) anything that has to do with the body that makes noise is hysterical.

Legos are a Stinkin' Man's Job. 
Maybe not in your household but certainly in mine. Those directions don't make sense to me (maybe because I lack depth perception) Rest assured if you ask me for help - there will be multiple pieces left over & a 5 year old saying "I'm getting daddy - this is a stinkin' man's job mom" (ok - so sometimes I pretend not to know what I'm doing - I hate playing Legos)

Privacy is a Thing of the Past
There used to be a time when I could do my business in peace.  Now if the ex isn't barging in to tell me something that can't wait 3 minutes, the kid is at the door asking "mommy are you done yet".  If that wasn't enough - the cat seems to think he has carte blanche to push his way in & meow at me until I feed him. Even so, I still find myself sneaking in there just for a few moments of silence until said interruptions occur.  So yeah that FB or Twitter update was probably just done on the pot.

I Rock at Name That Tune a la Radio Disney
My son seems to think that I need to know every song played on this station & should be able to name in within the 1st 3 chords.  I lost Cool Mom Points when I couldn't tell him who was singing "We Need a Little Christmas".  Worry not - I got them back when Radio Disney put me on the air when I called to find out who it was.(it was Shane Harper from Good Luck Charlie just in case you were dying to know too) Long gone are the days when I could simply amaze him because I knew all the words to Twinkle Twinkle Little Star & Row Row Row Your Boat.

Children Have No Filter
"I'm just waiting for my mom - she has bad poopy butt"  Well  I'm really not sure all the ladies in the restroom needed to know that - but thanks for sharing sweetness.

I Need to Find a Better Hiding Place for my 'Toys"
"OOOOH mommy - what's this blue squishy thing & can I play with the purple rocket?" Uh  stay out of my drawers & hey there is a piece of candy on the counter in the kitchen - why don't you go grab it? (mad scramble to find a better hiding place & mental note to close my drawers BEFORE he walks in my room)

Sarcasm and Wit is Apparently Inherited
G: Mommy, when do you get married?
Me: When you fall in love & decide this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with
G: Did fall in love with Daddy?
Me: Yes Baby I did
G How's that working out for you now?
ba dah bum

Thursday, March 29, 2012

For Lisa Marie

My dear friend is getting married in May.  I really cannot afford a tangible present - so Saucywritergirl this is for you.

There is always a defining moment where everything changes.  You can retrace your steps & go "Oh - so that's where it started."  That moment for me was when I moved back to Dayton from Cincinnati & took a job at General Surplus.  This was a very he vs. she type of environment where  if you were a guy you got hired in at a higher rate than your female coworkers and promoted over your female coworkers even if they had more experience than you.  So the females tended to band together since there were only about 5 of us.  This is where I met the lovely Laurie Trick (if you are in the Dayton or surrounding areas and need massage therapy - she is your woman!) and of course Lisa.  It was with Lisa and Laurie that I discovered The Asylum which became the staple of my mid twenties.

I eventually left GS after one too many incidents of sexual harassment and discrimination, but remained friends with Lisa. She introduced me to our friend Tania & the three of us became quite the club triumvirate.  Our styles were all different - Lisa was respectable, Tania experimental and I was the one most out of control.  We all had the same core of friends, but our guy interests usually branched out in 3 different directions.  Rest assured though that on any given Wednesday, Thursday or Saturday, you wouldn't see one of us without the other 2 somewhere near by.

I will be the first to admit it - being as insecure as I am - I was always jealous of Lisa.  She was that perfect kind of cute with the strong personality. I knew no matter how hard I tried - I could never be her and it killed me inside.  I wasn't a very good friend to her back in those days because I wanted to steal her glory so I might shine as brightly. We butted heads more than a few times. "I do NOT approve of this, but  so help me god if you screw him over Kathy - you will not live to tell the tale.  You bore easily & this guy is important to me - DON'T SCREW THIS ONE UP" was what she told me when she found out I was "dating" someone she dated previously. Even then she was a master of words.  (For the record - he screwed me over because he sort of forgot to tell me he was dating someone else & debuted her on his arm after the Captain Woodycrafter CD release party).  She disapproved of almost everything I ever wore to the club.   I was always trying to steal Tania's attention from her and my lowest point was when I started a graffiti war in the bathroom that everyone thought she started and did nothing to detract from it. When I left for California, we were "friends"  but not really FRIENDS.  I did run into her a few years later when I came home for a wedding and apologized.  It was accepted, but there was still an icy chill in the air - as it should have been.

Fast forward about 9 years.  She found me on Facebook and somehow the bridge had been mended so well - one would never have known how unsturdy it was.  We both grew up and have gone through some serious life drama.  She has grown into an even stronger personality and has dealt with things I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.  She is an amazing writer, a more amazing mother and most of all she become one of my best friends.  We Facebook each other while Tweeting each other.  We text almost every other day.  She was there for me when I was shipped to a homeless shelter (she was one of about 5 people who knew what was going on when I disappeared for 3 months).  She has been there for me when I moved out and  tried to learn how to navigate semi-single.  She is there when I am at my lowest, feel the most lost and have no direction.  She gives me words of encouragement & then apologizes for sounding like Doctor Phil.  What I never knew until recently is that she worried about me even back then because I was so out of control - she - like most just didn't know how to reel me in & it was frustrating.  Without her encouragement - you wouldn't be reading this blog. 

So Lisa Marie, she who has weathered so much so far, as you prepare to marry your love for a second time - please know I wish you all the happiness and strength you deserve.  Know that as you are for me - I will always be there for you even if you need me - good bad or pocket text. I am proud we made it through our 20's and am proud of the woman you have become.  I am still jealous of you - but not like before.  I still wish I had your shine, but now I am content that you share it with me.  Mostly, I am proud to be your friend & while miles separate us - our hearts will always be connected because I love you like a sister.

Friday, March 16, 2012

I Can't Change Time, But It's Sure Changed Me.

I'd like to think that I still have a modicum of hipness left in me.  If you were to actually see me right now - you would notice I am rocking a pair of skinny jeans, chucks, the requisite scarf of all So Cal fashionistas and fluorescent pink nail polish on my fingers and toes.  I have a strange obsession with Bruno Mars & could probably kick the pants off of any tween who challenged me at name that Radio Disney Pop Crap tunes.  I still get carded for video games,alcohol & at bars.  Despite all that though - I am getting old.

I first noticed it when I had heard Neal Diamond was touring a few years ago.  The first thought that popped into my head was "Wow - that would be a great show". My second inkling was when I discovered I had a full appreciation of the genius that is Freddy Mercury.  Growing up & being forced to listen to both artists made me think my ears would bleed. My parents played both artists rather frequently in my household.

The thought came full circle to me last night in the bathroom of the college campus I attend every Tuesday & Thursday night.  This girl had on the ugliest knee high boots I had ever seen, leggings & a short sweater/  My first thought was "DAMN kids dress dumb today". (I know I dressed dumb when I was young - just ask anyone who was blinded by my fondness of fluorescent in 9th grade.  Or the time I cut a peace sign into my shorts & wore then with black tights & red chucks.  Or the orange corduroy shorts or the pale pink patent leather high heeled mary janes that only I loved.)  Then I mentally recoiled in horror.  I am positive this is something my mother would have said, and her mother would have said and every mother who has ever been a mother might have said.

Then I started to realize how much my views have changed, softened and hardened. I remember whining, begging & pleading to be allowed to wear mini-skirts in high school & junior high.  My mom refused because she thought it was inappropriate.  I understand that now that I see little girls who look twice their age dressing more provocatively that I did at 25.  I get very annoyed when I see people walking to church on Sunday looking like they just left the club on Saturday or wearing jeans & a t-shirt.  Whatever happen to Sunday best people?  Yes you may say God doesn't care how you look - but shouldn't one take a little pride in their looks when they go to worship?  I am bugged more now than ever by people who don't use turn signals, who abuse the 15 items or less line and just over all stupidity.  I can no longer spend a wild night drinking and carry on the next morning status quo.  Hell I can barely stay up past 10 pm anymore.

It is a sobering realization when you think about it. What's next? I mean I have already used the "Because I spent 12 hours in labor to bring you into this world - the least you can do is hold the box of fruit roll ups for me" on the Gman.  I have called the cops when a neighbors party woke me up at 3 am.  I have considered Spanx.  I just hope I don't end up that creepy cat lady that sits on the porch and sneers at the kids going by yelling at them to get off my lawn!

Friday, March 9, 2012

Dude Detox

This probably seems like a strange thing since it isn't like I am having such a vivid dating life.  I am kind of done with the whole online dating thing and have been for awhile.  Ask my friend Lisa aka Saucywritergirl (read her blog - she is awesome) - I haven't talked about any guys in quite awhile.  She is the one who knows all since we text all the time.

The best way to describe the online thing was diamond conversations with cubic zirconia.  All flash & not real.  The thing is - Arizona guy set the bar very high. (Yes I have finally come to terms with the fact I am never going to see him again). I want someone who will tell me I am beautiful because I'm smart - not because I have an amazing rack.  I want to be able to discuss things whether as mundane as how bad the sister from That 70's Show looks in her mug shot to the chapter I just read in Great Expectations.  I don't want Mr. Let Me Come Over and We will watch a Movie.  I want someone who is real.  I don't want just sex.  Hell - I can do the ex when things get bad.  I just can't get the affection or attention I crave.

The other thing is my schedule really doesn't allow time for love.  I work full time, I go to school at night part time and still need to find time to study, take my pictures for a photography class, lab time & oh yeah - be a mom to a 5.5 year old who doesn't get enough Mommy Time.  Where do I squeeze a someone else into that mix?  I can't and I am finally ready to admit it.

I really don't even know if there is someone out there for me right now.  I don't mean that as negative.  Thinking that I am unlovable or cursed in love might be - I think that a lot.  I just think that maybe - I need to stop looking,  I need to take a step back and focus on what I have going on in front me. Not continue looking for what isn't there just because my ego needs to be stroked.

Dude Detox indeed & who knows - they say you find what you seek when you stop looking.  In the meantime - back to the me party & it has kicked off with neon pink toe nail polish and of course my signature fab hair!

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Forget About Yours - What About Mine?

So this has been a rough couple of weeks for me. A while back, I lost a filling. Having a disdain for dentists in the OC - I let it go. Because of that - 3 days of roots canals & a crown rebuild on the tooth & I'm $1900 in the hole. Because of this expense - I couldn't afford my birth control this month. So I want to know who I can blame for this & who can I demand pay for my birth control? Why would I ask something so ridiculous? Simple - Sandra Fluke who once she finishes law school, she will be paid an insane amount of money to interpret & protect the law is asking this question.  She thinks her university should pay.  Should my state run college pay for mine?

Women like her make me ashamed of my gender. I'm not even sure where to begin. She chose to get her JD at a private Jesuit university. If she wasn't smart enough to realize that while Georgetown is an elite Law School, it is also a faith based law school; she isn't suited for a clerkship much less a law practices. This university was founded in the 1700's. Their religious foundation has been what it is for HUNDREDS of years and now she & the government think they should change their standards? That is just asinine.   Now didn't read that her doctor wouldn't write her a prescription - just that she couldn't afford The birth control.

This brings me to my second point.  How in the hell did she shell out $3000 for birth control last year? Again I really have to question this woman's research skills.  Even if her student health care plan didn't cover birth control she could get the generic for Ortho-Tricyclin for $9.00 at Walmart & $10.00 at Target without even having to use her student insurance.  That's $120.00 a year.  Unless her uterus is lined with gold and she has to have her pill custom inserted by a specialist - then I would really be curious as to why her expenses were so high. 

None of this is for medical necessity.  She doesn't need the pill to regulate her cycle or to help with dastardly cramps.  She just wants to have sex and not have to pay for her birth control.  Hey - I'm down for all the sex you want - but I don't want my tax dollars being spent on your orgasms sister & I don't believe a private faith based college should either.  She has options.  Maybe trying Planned Parenthood? How about not having a girls night out one weekend so you have your birth control money?  Maybe cut back on the coffee shops?  OOOHHH - how about having her partner help out?  How about if you are so concerned about not getting pregnant and worried about your finances because you are going to an elite and costly law school - try abstinence?  I really think she needs to focus on her research skills. I can't stress that enough, I work at a law firm - it is a very vital skill - much more so than having sex.

Where do we draw the line?   So if she should get her birth control for free - then shouldn't we all?  Then all the men should get their condoms for free too right?  We can't discriminate.  Then we should all be able to get out pets spayed & neutered for free.  Having my cat in heat is a burden to me too.   At that point can I go into a Jewish deli & complain to congress that I couldn't get a pork hot dog or 3 pounds of ham?  Why not - It is something I want & I am not being accommodated.  We live in a me me me society where it is easier to blame our problems on somebody/something else than take responsibility for our own actions.

So in the end - I am still out $1900 for 1 tooth and have another 2k looming to fix 3 more.  I subsided on the free drinks at work and no food  for a week so that I could afford minutes on my phone and still no birth control for this month.  The point is - I gave things up to cover MY responsibilities & didn't have anyone bailing out my sex life and neither should she.


Friday, February 24, 2012

A letter to me

If you could go back into the past and change things, would you?  A lot of who I am today is comprised of all the stupid stuff I did back in the day.  I guess this is falling on me because of stupid old Fred who has officially been abolished from my life.  So while I will spare you another Brad Paisley video (I do love him so), here is a letter to the young me from the present me. 

Dear Me,

It's me.  If you don't believe it's me, then I can tell you that I inserted my half of my BEST FRIENDS FOREVER charm in a rotting banana after a huge fight with my best friend.  Only you and your best friend would know that which proves it is me.  Despite this incident - you two are still friends - but you know this already. You are in your 20's and think you are infallible.  You are not. I offer you some advice that you will not listen to because you are stubborn & never listen to anyone including yourself, but nonetheless here goes! 

When your boyfriend tells you he doesn't want you hanging with the guys who live up the street; heed his disdain.  Otherwise, one of their friends will call you a bimbo, you will get offended & proceed to drink him under the table before you even hit the bar.  You will drink 1 too many Purple Hooters because it is the bartender's specialty & he has a crush on you.  You will get into a fight in the bathroom & that will be the last thing you remember because you will black out & fall face first down a concrete flight of steps which will cause you to break your tooth. You will wake up in the ER very confused and later Rubgy Keith will tell you he was at the bar that night & OMG that was you? On the plus side - 2012 will be the year you finally get that tooth fixed.

When you try acid for the first (and only) time - do not lock the bathroom door.  You will be stuck in the there for a half an hour because you think the door knob melted off & your room-mates can't get to you because the door is locked, You will argue with them that there is no door knob the entire time.

Sleeping with half the UC Rugby team may not be your smartest move even though it does allow you plenty of free drinks.  You and rugby Keith will never actually become an item because when he finally professes his love for you, you will be involved with Ben.  Maybe you should rethink it when Ben tells you he will never love you & you should get back with Keith.  Now both Ben & Keith are happily married (well Ben is at least) and you aren't.

Speaking of Ben - do not ask to be his date for his room-mates wedding & DO NOT get back together with him for this occasion.  You will fight at the reception, you will break up again a few months later & incidentally - he meets his future wife that night & it ain't you toots!

When you see the guy that works at Hot Topic at the club - steer clear.  I don't care how awesome you think the Winnie the Pooh shirt is - STEER CLEAR.  He isn't worth the mangling of your heart then or now.

When the guy you have been in love with since grade 6 finally asks you to be his girlfriend at the tender age of 22, don't hop into bed with the guy you had been crushing on since 9th grade 5 minutes after you accept 6th grade guy's request.  Yes you were very drunk, but it isn't worth it in the end.  6th grade guy will not speak to you for a very long time & oh yeah - he is happily married to someone else too!

Finally - don't burn bridges.  Yes you are a cyclone and in the end you are a very lucky girl because everyone forgives you.  Your friends are the most important thing you have & you need to respect that.  You will need their support more than ever when you are 41 & in the midst of a divorce.  I won't tell you to avoid that guy though because your future son is the most amazing thing you will ever have in your life!

Love,

Me

PS - don't be such a slut lol although at 41 you will wish you still had that swagger - so forget that piece of advice.  Being young & dumb is what your 20's are all about.

Friday, February 17, 2012

So Much Cooler Online

 Brad Paisley summed it up best in this video.





I was almost duped this week and am really about to mark the end of my online dating experiment. Other than some interesting blog posts - it has failed me miserably.

I was emailing a guy back in forth with model good looks (well at least from his picture).  He veered back and forth from exceptionally knowledgeable - as he should with a Master's Degree - to piggishly male - but it is the internet after all.  He consistently used you're properly and could actually spell (a rare thing online).  We discussed literature and the like - so I deemed that maybe we could meet.  We were going to meet up on Wednesday, but an evening with my son was more important to me so I cancelled.  Little did I know what a blessing that would turn out to be.

I had looked at his picture a few times, but decided to really give it a look because something wasn't adding up in my brain.  I noticed a lot of background blur in the photo which was suspicious because most guys have point & shoot or camera phone pictures posted or have a disclaimer of "one of my modeling shots".  Then I looked at his head & noticed that it was very nicely back lit.  My ex is into Photography & is studying it in school.  I have watched numerous shoot, posed in numerous shoots and critiqued more photos than any person I know that isn't getting paid to do so.  My online lothario posted a bogus picture of a model that wasn't him!  I called him on it asking him to take a picture with his cell & send it to me.  He then he had to admit that the picture he posted wasn't him.  He ended up deleting the whole profile & came back 6 hours later with a new profile and a picture which was NOTHING like Mr. Abercrombie & Fitch. No Masters Degree (HS Diploma), average build my ass - that was a few extra pounds if I have ever seen it and NOT at all attractive. The beautiful part is that he tried to play it off like he had never talked to me before & that I was crazy for telling him to take a flying leap.

The lessons to be learned here are twofold
  1. If you are going to post a picture - make sure it isn't phony or you may be undone by a photographic eye.
  2. If it seems to good to be true - it usually is.

Monday, February 13, 2012

I don't think there is a GPS app for this.

I am going to be honest - the guy in Arizona has knocked me on my ass.  I have tried in figure out a way to find him which is a difficult task when you don't know someone's last name.  I private messaged the bartender on Facebook, I tried to look up his NPI, I called a few optometry shops  and all have led me nowhere.  I even had a stroke of what I thought to be genius - try to find his friend.  I mean how hard could it be to find a chemistry teacher named Matt in Yuma - apparently a lot harder than I thought because that led me nowhere too.  I even tossed around the idea of somehow going back there for a weekend.  With no car or credit card though - that too is almost an impossibility.  Besides - I think that would be an all time low of pathetic because with my luck - he would show up with his newly minted girlfriend & I'm out half a months rent.

Why am I going to such extremes?  Because my pathetic little brain isn't hard wired to accept "Wow, I met a nice guy, had a great time, so what's next?".  I have spent the greater part of my adult life believing  "everything happens for a reason" and justifying it with the positive outcome I conclude.  Perhaps it is just a survival function to get me through the drama in my life. The problem is - no matter which way I spin this - I can't justify it.  Why?  Why would I meet someone whom I shared so much in common with? Why would I meet him somewhere where I will never go back to & never see again? Why is he so hard to find?  Why can't I just accept that it is what is and move on? That I am not Cinderella & he isn't going to bring that damn glass slipper? All I know is that I can never again believe things happen for a reason. 

I have friends telling me the reason I  feel this way because it was positive attention and I am suffering divorce stress.  That is it perfectly natural to feel like I am going crazy and feel as though any minute I am going to crack.  That I haven't been destroyed despite feeling like an empty shell and with no way to fill the void.  I am being told I need to be alone and to find myself.

All I want to do is curl up and not leave my bed.  I don't want to deal with people, places or things.  I am functioning on autopilot because I have no choice in the matter.  I want to call Fred because I know he could relate, but I'm NOT going down that path AGAIN.  Besides - he is another damn thing I can't justify.  Perhaps I am lost.

The question is - where do you look when you need to find yourself? 

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Really? Here? REALLY?

Apparently my swagger ran to Yuma Arizona and decided to hang out with all the snowbirds.  It presented itself after 2 glasses of chocovine, 1 margarita and I lost count of how many glasses of Chablis. Karaoke at a dive bar and a chance meeting a man I will never meet again. I mean it is 2:57 am in AZ & well I am still waiting for that burrito he and his buddy promised to bring back.

He was 31, an optometrist and big word smart - you know how hot I find that. He told me the longest word and yeah I forgot it already. He embraced my geekiness. He used to play WoW and we shared a love of Star Wars and sports. We talked about Paris in May except I don't have a passport. He could intellectually spar with me and refused to kiss me because we were both drunk and didn't want me to feel taken advantage of. He was impressed my my fountain of useless knowledge brain and my ability to name a song for almost anything that presented itself.

I will never see him again. So figures. But hey - he had a date earlier that evening that he ended early with a hot ballerina. After asking him why was he telling me about a hot ballarina with a smoking body when I was not on par with that - he told me I was hotter because I had the brains.

Yup - in one week - I lost an imaginary boyfriend (who did resurface but isn't doing much to earn a blog retraction) and let an eye doctor slip through my fingers (I wear glasses - he would have been a hot commodity for me). Most people would call that failure. Not me. Watch out world - Kathy has her swagger back - unless like  the rest of the snowbirds- it decides Yuma is a great winter retirement community!!!

PS - if my swagger does stay - I hope it doesn't get hungry for barbecue after 7 pm on Saturdays!

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Cue Freddie Mercury - Another One Bites the Dust

The thing about me (which is kind of why I started this blog) is that things present themselves to me that don't present themselves to most regular people.  I guess that is why I found myself recently caught in a text message romance (and yes I do have Lady Gaga's Bad Romance singing in my head - only the Chipettes are singing it.....that's a facebook posting for another time).

Now I will be the first to admit that a lot of this stems from a massive need for my ego to be fed. Many years of insults and lack of affection can drive a gal to that.  I mean who doesn't want to hear positive things about oneself in areas where one is the most self critical? Well I eat it up like a starving puppy left out to fend for itself on a rainy night. I will fully admit  it - Pa-thet-ic (again the OC over annunciation).

This guy was VERY cute.  Yes I know you men hate to be called that - but sorry - he was.  After sending the picture to my friend - even she was surprised how cute he was.  I am talking way out of my league - what could this guy possibly want with me besides sex kind of cute.  (I really try not to question these things, but experience has sadly taught me to do so).  He claimed that he wasn't looking for sex & rather preferred to get to know the person before getting into bed with them. (REALLY? ok he has my attention now)  He claimed he loved my personality and my sense of humor. (Well - how could he not?) When presented with a picture of me in a shirt that Belinda & Belilse were fighting each other to fall out of (I didn't realize the shirt was that low cut until I sent it in my defense) - he said it was sexy.  When I told him I was too lazy to change out of the top for work - so I put on a tank top under it - he said he thought it would be cute.  When I said it was covering his favorite part - he told me my face was his favorite part.  When I told him nice save - he told me he was serious and that he loved my face.  Readers - I swore at that moment I found my Patti Stanger match made in heaven. Angels played their cornation trumpets, birds were chirping and I suddenly found myself enjoying love songs. (thank god THAT is over).  Then it started to shift.  He stopped texting me first.  I let it slide for a bit because he had been so good about it.  Then he stopped responding as frequently.  I was told he was working crazy hours, but loved reading my texts on his breaks.  That bought him a couple of days.  Then he got sick and that was his reason for not responding.  When he was better - it was back to me sending the 1st message - 2 lines of exchange & no response the rest of the day.  When I finally posed the question is this even really worth pursuing due to crazy schedules (and of  all the excuses which i didn't text) - I got silence for a response.  Well babycakes - 2 can play at that game!

There were multiple attempts to actually get together so that our "imaginary" relationship could transgress into a real one.  Each attempt failed.  Either I was with my son, he was working late or he decided the gym was more desire able than fighting 3 separate freeways of traffic to get to me.  I don't know the reason why this started so positive and ended so empty and I doubt I will ever know.  In 3 days - he number gets deleted as I am sure that I will not hear from him by then & usually my limit for silence.  (yes I know I still haven't deleted Fred out yet and I haven't heard from him since December......).  His loss really (well that's what I keep telling myself)

Lesson learned my pretties - If it seems to good to be true - it usually is.  Just don't be mad the next time I question what the F Mr. Hottie wants with me - this ain't this cowgirls first rodeo.