This probably seems like a strange thing since it isn't like I am having such a vivid dating life. I am kind of done with the whole online dating thing and have been for awhile. Ask my friend Lisa aka Saucywritergirl (read her blog - she is awesome) - I haven't talked about any guys in quite awhile. She is the one who knows all since we text all the time.
The best way to describe the online thing was diamond conversations with cubic zirconia. All flash & not real. The thing is - Arizona guy set the bar very high. (Yes I have finally come to terms with the fact I am never going to see him again). I want someone who will tell me I am beautiful because I'm smart - not because I have an amazing rack. I want to be able to discuss things whether as mundane as how bad the sister from That 70's Show looks in her mug shot to the chapter I just read in Great Expectations. I don't want Mr. Let Me Come Over and We will watch a Movie. I want someone who is real. I don't want just sex. Hell - I can do the ex when things get bad. I just can't get the affection or attention I crave.
The other thing is my schedule really doesn't allow time for love. I work full time, I go to school at night part time and still need to find time to study, take my pictures for a photography class, lab time & oh yeah - be a mom to a 5.5 year old who doesn't get enough Mommy Time. Where do I squeeze a someone else into that mix? I can't and I am finally ready to admit it.
I really don't even know if there is someone out there for me right now. I don't mean that as negative. Thinking that I am unlovable or cursed in love might be - I think that a lot. I just think that maybe - I need to stop looking, I need to take a step back and focus on what I have going on in front me. Not continue looking for what isn't there just because my ego needs to be stroked.
Dude Detox indeed & who knows - they say you find what you seek when you stop looking. In the meantime - back to the me party & it has kicked off with neon pink toe nail polish and of course my signature fab hair!
a blog about being single in your 40's and navigating this whole new world!
I'm a little behind...thank you for the comments. And a dude detox is perfect. I was actually in one when John asked me out - and I only went out with him because I had known him for years and he tempted me with wine.
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