A letter to me

If you could go back into the past and change things, would you?  A lot of who I am today is comprised of all the stupid stuff I did back in the day.  I guess this is falling on me because of stupid old Fred who has officially been abolished from my life.  So while I will spare you another Brad Paisley video (I do love him so), here is a letter to the young me from the present me. 

Dear Me,

It's me.  If you don't believe it's me, then I can tell you that I inserted my half of my BEST FRIENDS FOREVER charm in a rotting banana after a huge fight with my best friend.  Only you and your best friend would know that which proves it is me.  Despite this incident - you two are still friends - but you know this already. You are in your 20's and think you are infallible.  You are not. I offer you some advice that you will not listen to because you are stubborn & never listen to anyone including yourself, but nonetheless here goes! 

When your boyfriend tells you he doesn't want you hanging with the guys who live up the street; heed his disdain.  Otherwise, one of their friends will call you a bimbo, you will get offended & proceed to drink him under the table before you even hit the bar.  You will drink 1 too many Purple Hooters because it is the bartender's specialty & he has a crush on you.  You will get into a fight in the bathroom & that will be the last thing you remember because you will black out & fall face first down a concrete flight of steps which will cause you to break your tooth. You will wake up in the ER very confused and later Rubgy Keith will tell you he was at the bar that night & OMG that was you? On the plus side - 2012 will be the year you finally get that tooth fixed.

When you try acid for the first (and only) time - do not lock the bathroom door.  You will be stuck in the there for a half an hour because you think the door knob melted off & your room-mates can't get to you because the door is locked, You will argue with them that there is no door knob the entire time.

Sleeping with half the UC Rugby team may not be your smartest move even though it does allow you plenty of free drinks.  You and rugby Keith will never actually become an item because when he finally professes his love for you, you will be involved with Ben.  Maybe you should rethink it when Ben tells you he will never love you & you should get back with Keith.  Now both Ben & Keith are happily married (well Ben is at least) and you aren't.

Speaking of Ben - do not ask to be his date for his room-mates wedding & DO NOT get back together with him for this occasion.  You will fight at the reception, you will break up again a few months later & incidentally - he meets his future wife that night & it ain't you toots!

When you see the guy that works at Hot Topic at the club - steer clear.  I don't care how awesome you think the Winnie the Pooh shirt is - STEER CLEAR.  He isn't worth the mangling of your heart then or now.

When the guy you have been in love with since grade 6 finally asks you to be his girlfriend at the tender age of 22, don't hop into bed with the guy you had been crushing on since 9th grade 5 minutes after you accept 6th grade guy's request.  Yes you were very drunk, but it isn't worth it in the end.  6th grade guy will not speak to you for a very long time & oh yeah - he is happily married to someone else too!

Finally - don't burn bridges.  Yes you are a cyclone and in the end you are a very lucky girl because everyone forgives you.  Your friends are the most important thing you have & you need to respect that.  You will need their support more than ever when you are 41 & in the midst of a divorce.  I won't tell you to avoid that guy though because your future son is the most amazing thing you will ever have in your life!

Love,

Me

PS - don't be such a slut lol although at 41 you will wish you still had that swagger - so forget that piece of advice.  Being young & dumb is what your 20's are all about.