Dating Lessons From the Den of a Cougar

Now I have actually met some people from my forays into this dating experience.  All I can say is I MUST be a glutton for punishment.

Lesson 1 - never have a guy meet you at your birthday party.
He broke my heart.  No he dumped me on my birthday - as if the hangover wasn't bad enough. A month of texting everyday, phones calls & I was smitten. He used big words & it was hot! He agreed to meet me at my birthday party.  My plan was to maintain a certain level of sobrierty.  My friend's plans were to extinguish my plans & I ended up stumbling drunk in fabulous 3" heels.  He was not as cute as I hoped -  but damn he smelled good. We made out in the parking lot & he texted me the next day to tell me he got back together with his ex.  I don't believe him, but I admit I was a bit out of control that night...so I don't totally blame him.  OK yes I do....BASTARD

Lesson 2 - make sure he knows your name
6 months of back & forth.  He kind of bugged me & I told him to go away.  He was persistant though & seemed like a nice guy nonetheless.  I agreed to meet him & sparks didn't fly, but I wasn't repulsed either.  I texted him 2 days later where after professing he was falling in love with me - told me he forgot my name?  Really??.....BASTARD

Lesson 3 - Never invite a guy over to watch a movie if that is honestly your intention.
Poor guy.  I wasn't smart enough at the time to know that Let's Watch a Movie was code for I plan on trying to bang you.  I really just wanted to watch the movie & rebuffed his every move. Never thought I would see the day when I was more interested in Adam Sandler than a warm body next to me.

Lesson 4 - I still don't know what happened....so no lesson here
I had high hopes for this one.  I was actually planning on breaking the no sex rule with him.  Lights were low, Cinemax porn somehow landed on my tv and he was in my bed in boxers.  It started with a back massage and ended with him SNORING. All I can say is just WOW.  He woke up when I covered him up, complained he had a stomach ache from a pepperoni & jalapeno pizza he had earlier, promised me a rain check & haven't even heard from him since.  I wore a perfectly good thong for NOTHING!  I didn't even get a kiss.  BASTARD.